Miss Obstinate

I feel it's time again to let you know some things, as the reader, that are very important to me. I started this blog, because when I first got on Facebook I reconnected with old friends. I felt that no one else's life had changed as DRASTICALLY as mine. I was jealous, ashamed and very mad at God about this. I wanted to go hide under my covers, cry and stay forever. I vowed never to go back on Facebook, screamed, threw things and called Peg telling her this through tears.

I go to counseling for my anger and it just so happened that I had an appointment the next day (I have a standing appointment every other week, in my case it's a sitting appointment...lol). My social worker reminded me that I was more educated than she and gave me an assignment to write a letter, saying goodbye to my old life and my old expectations, which was suppose to help with my temper. Well, Miss Obstinate (me of course) didn't want to.

I talk to Peg daily, I told her what my social worker had said. Peg is my everyday counselor, dealing with my complaints and anger. She has been suggesting I write a book for years. When she heard this, she told me saying goodbye was a good idea and pointed out my profile was dang good! She came up with writing a blog, because it has been a 20 year journey and I could write a little at a time. I thought "I can do that," and as we talked, we discussed how this would jointly let old friends know what happened to me and how it would help people, shining God's awesome power through this story. I agreed, while still feeling trepidations. It needed to be done.

Next on the list was to name the blog. I had no idea what it should be, so I called many different members of my family for ideas. Peg to the rescue again, she said, "Call it 'Why me God?" because when I was in the hospital this last December, that's all I would say, even in my altered state (I don't remember being there, let alone saying that). This has become my motto (annoying though), but there are moments everyday that I'm sick of going through all this "Crap!" Sometimes I feel I've done enough "Crap" duty for at least ten lifetimes and that it's some one else's turn. I feel; picked on, "Why did God choose me?!","Why not someone else?!", "Why not someone who's done worse things in their life than me?!", Why does this keep going on and on?!", "Why do I have to look like this?!", "Why do I have to worry about my health at my age?!" "Why me God?!" "WHY ME?!"

That title I thought was a good idea! That was also the first thing I learned to say way back at LDS hospital. The way people look at me, like their really not! Scowling at me or completely ignoring me, helped us to choose the tag-line, "There but by the grace of God go YOU!" HELLO!

Daily I receive comments about this blog and how it's touching hearts. That's exactly what we (my family) as God's children, want. It's not only touching others, but my family's hearts are touched also, causing family strengthening.

"MOST OF THE TIME," I'm glad that God has allowed me to go through this, because I wouldn't be who I am today. Thank you Lord for allowing this blessed/tragedy, but most of all thank you for your grace and being with me through it.

At the present time there is a remnant chosen by grace.

Romans 11:5

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce