Peg wanted me to become as independent as possible, so she was a tough task master, allowing me to learn (at the time it felt like she was forcing me or just plain being mean).
In the morning she would lay out clothes for me and leave the room, so I could dress myself. It was very difficult! My unwilling limbs did not want to obey my brain.
First to put my shirt on;
- I had to grab it and hold on tight.
- Try with all my might to get that puppy over my head.
- Stretch my arms, one at a time, trying to get them in the right hole (extremely hard, my muscles were atrophied from non-use).
- After that I would struggle to pull it down over my trunk and that stupid, gross colostomy bag I hated!
Next my pants;
- Grabbing my pants (a chore).
- I would bend over and try not to fall out of my chair (not an easy feat, when my balance was not to good).
- Catching my pant leg with my toes. I would then wiggle and jiggle until I got them to my knees (I left them there, so Peg could help me get them up).
Lastly my socks (this was the most trying of all):
- Grab sock.
- Hold tight.
- Stretch that sock out with my stiff hands.
- Bending over (even more off balance).
- Get it around my foot (Ever notice how fat your feet are compared to sock openings?)
- If it worked, then I'd pull and pull, never getting it on right, but I got them on .
On any given day this took approximately 45 minutes. During every step of this process tears flowed, I screamed at Peg and God. I was so mad at the two of them thinking, "Don't they get it? I can't do this!" I dreaded having to do anything, because of exhaustion (caused from emotions, as much as, from the physical struggle). There were times I wanted to give up. Once and only once I screamed, "I wish I were dead!" Peg (my conscience) immediately came stomping in, got on my level (she does this often) and said,"Don't ever say that again! You are an example to people, especially your children and mine! Think! Do you want to be a good example or what?! If you give up, what are you teaching them?!"
Peg would come back after a certain amount of time and help me with whatever I couldn't do. Daily I did more and more for myself.
I wanted to surprise Peg, so I also tried transferring from my wheelchair to the bed. I made it (Yipee!), but I got stuck with my face in the corner between the bed and the desk. With a muffled call to Peg, "Bleg! Bl..Bleg elp!"She came running in, saw me, started cracking up and then rescued me. MY HERO! Peggy said,"I thought you swallowed your sock (LOL)."
It was extremely difficult, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I live on my own now, thanks in part to my wonderful sister Peggy Sue. I love and appreciate you Peg!
I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.
Romans 15:30
I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce
Merrym thank you for describing, however briefly, your struggle to relearn everything about self-care. I as your sister know that this did not happen over night or over a couple of weeks, but after months and months of hard work and patience on both of your parts. Love you both.
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