Jealousy Rears It's Ugly Head!

Today I am going to talk about jealousy, which it is the biggest cause of my anger. As you know it's just one of many things I'm asking God to help me resolve through this blog.

My first memory of life is me being jealous. Being the youngest of seven meant, everyone that mattered to me was allowed to do everything I wanted to do before or without me.

Over my 45 years of living, my jealousy has grown into a monster, for example:

• Peggy is closest in age to me and I put her on a pedestal. I wanted to be just like my really, cool, older sister. She got her ears pierced at 14, so even though I am three years younger, I expected to get mine done at the same time. My mother made me wait until I was older. I thought, "No fair!"


• My niece had a savings account and I didn't. It didn't matter that it only had five dollars in it. "No fair!"


• I'd go fishing with my brother Robert. If he'd catch a fish and I didn't. Knowing it was not in his control, I didn't care. "No fair!"

I threw fits, gave the silent treatment or just was outright obnoxious to everyone because of my jealousy. It sounds like just childhood jealousy, right? Wrong! I cannot think of a time when there was not some kind of jealousy in my heart.

Since I've been disabled it has gotten worse. WARNING! These are my warped thoughts. In my mind things get extremely exaggerated to the point I have gotten jealous of people on TV, people online, other family members, and even my daughter.

• Poor me I'm disabled. "No fair!"


• I can't walk but everyone else can. "No fair!"


• I can't drive. "No fair!"


• Everyone is in a relationship and I'm not. I'm so lonely! "No fair!"


• Everyone gets what they want, but I never do. "No fair!"

I still throw fits, scream at the top of my lungs, cry and throw things. I'm sure my neighbors think I'm cuckoo.

My sisters, Peggy and Glory, also my daughter, Courtney, have to keep me in check. They tell me the truth on how warped my perspection is. They also pray for me, which I very much need and I thank them.

I wrote this to show you that I to am a real human being with mixed emotions. I hope some of you can relate and feel like you're not the only one, and know there are other people feeling this way. I'm working on resolving my jealousy issues daily. I've been told the best way to make anger go away is to pray for whoever you're mad at or jealous of. I'm going to be praying constantly, but isn't that what God wants.

BUT REMEMBER; God does not give you more than you can handle and even Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven.

Pray without ceasing.

1 Thessalonians 5:17

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce