Why me God?! (There but for the grace of God go you)

I'M BACK!

2011-03-03T12:32:00.000-08:00

I want to thank you all for your understanding, patience, encouragement and prayers while God helped get a handle on my newest mission He has granted me.

As many of you know I have temporary custody of 2 of my 6 grandchildren. I feel honored God trusts me to step into this position.

The difficulty is not over by a long shot, but I feel God's comfort through everything.

Please keep my family in your prayers as your in mine.

I'M BACK! I'm going blog as much as I can.

I love you all dearly.

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Bruce

These verses has been my strength this last little while and I felt the need to share it with you:

³ All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. ⁴ He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. ⁵ For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. ⁶ Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. ⁷ We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.

1 Corinthians 1:3-7

The Gift (Conitnued FINALE)

2011-02-10T14:05:00.000-08:00

We walked in, full of overwhelming excitement. SO SURPRISED!
Mer was on her way out of this dark tunnel, just as we were on our way home.
WHAT A RELIEF!

We sat with her and explained that we had to get back home to our families and jobs.
She couldn't speak any louder than a whisper, but she begged us to PLEASE release her from the wrist restraints. She promised she'd be good!

The only way I could keep myself from crying over her sad, puppy dog eyes was to pull another silly joke out of my hat. We all tried to make up some crazy story why they had her hands bound.

She then begged us to take her with us. OH, MY THIS WAS GOING TO BE A TOUGH ONE!
Out of no where God sent a diversion. Courtney, her husband and kids showed up. Yeah! This would make for a much less emotional and lonely departure for Mer.

We each hugged and kissed her goodbye, promising to call as soon as she was up to talking.

That walk back down the corridor that morning was the longest, but then again God had granted us our wish. Mer, our GIFT, was seriously on her way to another successful recovery. AMEN!

For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
Psalm 84:11

Love You Mer

NOTE: There is more to this story which includes Mer's wonderful friends visiting her. In particular the mother of the gentleman who found Mer the day she ended up at the hospital. When we get this in book form I will include that story

The Gift (continued, but almost done)

2011-02-04T11:21:00.001-08:00

Back at the hospital, Mer was still pretty much comatose. The Dr. was very nervous over the situation because Mer was not reacting to stimulus. So, they wheeled her down the corridor to do a CAT scan on her brain. This concerned us, but not too bad, we just knew that God was on 'TEAM MERRYM!'

There was a problem! The machine wouldn't work for Mer. So back she came, as out of it as ever. The plan was to take her to another facility in the next day or so and use their scanner.

Now of course my brother Robert was back at it too. He had me alone in Mer's room, where he went about telling me that his girlfriend was going to fly out to see Mer, (Mer and his girlfriend had been pretty tight friends at one time). Robert proceeded to tell me that I would put this flight on 'MY' credit card and when his girl friend arrived, she'd pay me back in cash.

"Uh, NO!" was my response. "That's NOT happening! You and you so called girlfriend can get a so called credit card of your own, mine is for MY families emergencies!"

Boy was I hot under the collar AGAIN!

Anyway, we continued our turns doing rounds with Mer, but it was time to discuss heading back home. Robert and I really needed to get back to work, as we were both on leave without pay. I think Ann would like to have stayed, but the only way she could was to hand over the Suburban to Robert and I, then fly home on her own.

Well we settled on a homeward bound trip for that Sunday after church. We were supposed to stop by Debra's for an early dinner and then head out, but we opted for a earlier departure.

That Sunday we hit the hospital for our goodbyes to Mer. When we arrived to our surprise Mer had been down-graded and moved to a less intense ward. GOD IS GOOD!
Here it was our GIFT! Mer was sitting in a chair, still bound, but wide awake!

For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does not have.
2 Corinthians 8:11-13

LOVE YOU MER

The Gift (continued one more time)

2011-01-31T10:00:00.000-08:00

Well I was sick, the good old ROTA virus got me!

Jazmin finished up my hair cut and Glory made a small list of items to pick up from Mom's, because we had decided that it would be better if I kept the germs at Glory's.

The two of them headed over to Mom's for the family dinner and I sat in the TV room waiting for my niece Debra to visit. She had been fasting at the time so she really didn't want to be around food.

Debra showed up and we had a wonderful, one on one chat session, catching up on each others families etc... When Glory and Jaz came back, they brought Deb's kids with them and they set out for home.

I put my PJs on and Jazmin, being a sweetheart, gave up her bed for me. The night was a long one, being that I was up several times visiting the bathroom. Usually running through the dark. Thank goodness I knew the lay out of my sisters house!

The next morning I got up and joined my sister in her room while she showered and dressed for the day. I still felt like crud, so when she left to go to the hospital I stayed in her bed and napped the morning away.

Later that afternoon she called to check on me and then I moved to the TV room to watched trash television. Glory soon came home and warmed up some left-overs for me. And YEAH! I kept them down!

We decided I was well enough to attend the family dinner that evening and that's where we were off to. When I got there I just crawled into bed until Mom woke from a dead sleep. I forced myself to get up and join the family on the couch., where I could visit with everyone. I couldn't eat though, YUCK!

Thank Goodness, by the next morning I had fully recovered, showered, ate and got back on the Merrym tread mill.

Worship the Lord your God, and his blessings will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you,
Exodus 23:25

Love You Mer

The Gift (Continued Again & Again)

2011-01-22T09:49:00.000-08:00

After we dressed up the tree Court took off for work and I headed back to the waiting room where I asked Jazmin if she would like to go to the hospital chapel with me. We walked a few steps down the hall and entered a small, bright, yet chilly room. There were a lot of books and information pamphlets on the shelves and ten or so simple chairs had been set up in front of a podium.

We stood at the podium where there were small sheets of paper with questions on them. We each filled out one, the questions were something like:
Who do you request prayer for?
What is their illness?
What would you like God to do in this difficult time?

We then dropped them in a box that said deposit prayer requests here. As I let mine slip from my finger tips, I silently prayed, "Dear God, heal her and take away her suffering. Amen."

Now at this time there was a huge H1N1 scare going around the country, so the hospital was very touchy about allowing ANY children past the lobby. But Courtney and Michelle seemed to know how to slip by. They always got caught later and asked to remove the kids from the waiting room.

On about Thursday Glory's Grandson had gotten ill at school so Glory, being the supportive Grandma that she is, picked him up from school early. She needed to come by the hospital for some reason and called me to say she would have Chase with her. When Robert heard this he blew a gasket directly at me! I told him that I wasn't in charge of Glory and the hospital would take care of it. He just continued to fume at me. All about how germs could go in and out of Mer's room and that Chase needed to stay away. I reminded him that on any given day any one of us could carry germs in and that Chase wasn't allowed past the lobby anyway.

It became a ridiculous fight that I thought I didn't deserve to be involved in. I was so angry at Robert for taking it out on me, that I stayed in Mer's room for a very long time. When Glory did arrive, (without Chase) I shared Robert's issue with her, telling her I was so upset that I couldn't be in the same room with him or I'd bite his head off! She calmed me down and we decided that I would go to her house, where Jazmin would cut my hair and then we'd just hang out.

The three of us, Glory, Jazmin and I, took off. Jazmin set me up for a hair cut and we all discussed our day. In the middle of the cut I announced, "Hey, I don't feel so hot. If I jump up and run to the bathroom you'll know why."
Snip, snip, comb, comb. Up I jumped and headed like a bullet for the bathroom, where I barely made it before losing my lunch. UGH! NO WAY! I CAN'T BE SICK! I JUST CAN'T!

The next day he went out and saw two Hebrews fighting. He asked the one in the wrong, "Why are you hitting your fellow Hebrew?"
Exodus 2:13

Love You Mer

The Gift (Continued Again)

2011-01-18T20:05:00.000-08:00

We hurried down the corridors to get to her room and as we passed the other patients rooms we could see looks of fear and horror on their faces as if to say. "OH DEAR GOD, what are they doing to that woman?!"

As we crossed the threshold to her prison, we saw Mer thrashing around best she could with her restraints on and making unintelligible, very loud noises! But she was not awake.

I threw my belongings in a chair and grabbed the sheet she had kicked off and covered her for modesty reasons. She calmed when she heard our soothing words, telling her it was OK we we're here now. Touching her helped her relax, so I squeezed her hand and began massaging her fingers.

This was going to be one long suffering day for each and everyone of us.

Courtney, Glory and I decided she needed music. This would sooth her and keep her mind busy. So Glory ran home and grabbed a CD player. Courtney rounded up a couple Christmas CDs and brought them in. We played them for her which seemed to keep her calm, cool and collect.

She did still have her moments though. Through out the day she still, yelled, screamed, kicked and thrashed herself to exhaustion. At one point we had all gone back to the waiting room to rest when all of a sudden, down that hall and around that corner came Mer's voice shouting in a scary, raspy horror movie voice, PEEEEEEGGYYYYY!
We all looked at each other with bugged out eyes and then burst out in belly busting laughs. I stood up and said, "Well I guess I'm being paged!"

I quickly skated into her room so she wouldn't continue to disturb the other patients. She was still not aware of the on going world around her. I just adjusted her sheet, fluffed up the pillow behind her head, repositioned the one under her butt and decided to put lotion on her very dry cracked puffed up feet.

The nurse came in with a very young soft spoken CNA and explained that her load that night would be very full and so she was required to have the CNA set in the room with Mer to keep an eye on her. That sounded great to me since Mer was having such bad withdrawals.

I went back and told the family. I also decided that when Mer did wake that she should have a little Christmas in her room. So I took off to Wallmart and bought her a small iridescent tree and Courtney and I decorated it with small family pictures.
Courts were of the grand-kids and mine were some that my daughter Brittney had asked me to bring to Aunt Merrym of her two children. I remember Britt saying tearfully on the phone very heart broken, "Mom I want her to see Marcus, she has never had the chance to meet him." How could that not twist your heart in a knot?

My Sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.
Psalm 51:17

Love You Mer

The Gift ( continued XII)

2011-01-17T18:52:00.000-08:00

We were then shuffled down the hall to our 3rd waiting room. This one was definitely three steps down from the first two. We squeezed into a small, cold and drafty square, with very uncomfortable chairs and a monster flat screen on the wall.

Now on this unit we were allowed to see Mer as we pleased. She had been placed as usual, right across the hall from the nurses station.

We decided to let Mer get settled in so we went back to Mom's for the evening. But the next morning we were at it again. Mom stayed home this time, but we were joined by the usual crew plus Glory's oldest granddaughter 'Chatty Cathy', Jazmin.

I immediately walked through this small unit to Mer's room and was slapped in the face by shock. Mer was unconscious, no not sleeping but completely out! I didn't realize this might be a part of how her body might respond to detox.

I stepped through the doorway and went around the bed. As I grabbed her bound hand I was alarmed again! Her hands were bloated to the size of an inflated latex glove! There was an IV connected to keep her hydrated. There was a tube secured to her nose, this was so they could feed her. She was having difficulties swallowing normally, caused by yanking the inflated respirator out.

My brother Robert followed me in, got right up to her pale, freckled face and said, "Hi baby."
Mer's eyes flickered quickly, and she responded back in a raspy whisper, "Hi baby."

This brought joyful tears to the rims of our eyes. I massaged her swollen hands which felt so tight and hard I thought the skin would burst open at any minute. She lay there in her deep, unwanted slumber as I snatched up a comb and tugged the snarls out of her short mop. Robert left as I rubbed her forehead and chatted softly at her.

The Dr. for this unit came in to check on her and introduced himself to me. He explained a few things and went about his morning rounds. Then in floated her nurse. A sweet woman with a marvelous British accent, who called Merrym honey.

I had a hard time leaving the room, but I knew I needed a break, so I switched out with one of my other siblings. We all took our turns doing rounds with Mer. Now they weren't picky about who visited, they just had to be over the age of 14.

While we sat in our drafty holding pen, Ann and Karen would work on a Christmas search and find book together. Bill would wonder in and out to smoke. Gaylia, Bill's wife would crochet Christmas wash rags for each of us. I brought my bills in and paid them. Robert, Glory and Jazmin chatted. Ace and Michelle came and went. Courtney would show up before her work shift and visit as long as she could.

By 5pm we were spent and Mer still unconscious, so we headed back to Mom's.

Each day, although Mer was slowly recovering, her body and mind would go through some very vocal and physical laboring.

That next day when we entered the hospital and walked towards the one on one unit, we could hear Mer yelling, YES YELLING! At the top of her lungs...

When he heard me scream for help, he left his cloak beside me and ran out of the house."
Genesis 39:15

Love You Mer

The Gift (continued XI)

2011-01-14T13:22:00.000-08:00

I snuck back to my Mom's room and snuggled into my pajamas as soon as dinner was over. Bed time couldn't come early enough that night.

That next overcast morning we got up, ate a simple breakfast, showered and slid on over to Ogden Regional. We wanted to be there by 9am, knowing that this was about the time the Dr. would be checking in on Mer, so if we could, we would send someone back to listen in again.

Today was the first day Mom had made it to the hospital and she really wanted to see her baby girl bad! Now my Mom was 82 at the time and she is one tough bird, but at the same time fragile and gets very tired easily, so we knew as soon as she was done that someone would have to take her back home.

We met up in the larger ICU waiting room which was right across the hall from the one we were in the day before. It was decorated just as nice except no TV. Yeah! The TV bugged me, all it did was flicker at us from the background. No one ever watched it.

On this morning we gathered together with Glory, Karen, Cortney, her brother Asab, his girlfriend Michelle and their baby Merryck. Our oldest brother Bill and his wife Gaylia had driven in the night before and were sitting on the couch across from us.
Now all the Siblings were there. Amazing, since we all hadn't been together for about 12 or so years, at my Mom's 70th I think.

When it was my turn to visit Mer I went in with Ace. Same routine, call from the red phone, tell the voice on the other end of the phone how you are related to Mer, sanitize your hands and wait to be buzzed in.

In most ICU units, as it was at Ogden Regional, they only allow parents, siblings and the patients children above the age of 14 or so. But some how the day before Auduria and Debra got back to see Mer long enough to lay on hands and pray for her, before they got the third degree. They told the nurse that they were Mer's nieces and were just as close to her as her siblings. They had literally grown up with her. I don't think the nurse was impressed one iota. She firmly told them that rules are rules.

When Ace and I got back there Mer was in a chipper mood and wanted Ace, who has some very nice pipes, to serenade her. He acted embarrassed but said, "OK Momma what do you want me to sing?" Hey don't ask me what she told him, remember I can't read Mer's lips worth beans. Ace broke into a beautiful acapella. This brought a smile to Mer's face that couldn't be measured. As soon as Ace was done Mer would quickly mouth, "Again! Again!" He repeated it. What a truly awesome thing for me to watch, this mother being so sweetly comforted by her grown son's endearing gift of music.

We then talked to her, me about our crazy trip to get to Utah and Ace about being on his off week, so he could be there for Mom as much as needed.

We were then shuffled out until the next haunting hour.

I think it was Glory who listened in on the staff meeting that day and shared with the rest of us the plans for Mer's day at the hospital. Mer was graduating from ICU. Hallelujah! She would be placed in the one on one nurseing unit, just down the hall and around the corner. They were now ready to completely detox her system and start fresh on the drugs Mer actually needed. Mer's dosages had gotten out of hand, especially the pain killers.

We were very excited, but also nervous. Detox? Hum? Mer was headed down a long difficult tunnel that would weigh very heavy on each and everyone of us emotionally.

I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."
Genesis 28:15

Love You Mer

The Gift (continued X)

2011-01-13T12:44:00.000-08:00

I seeped out the automatic doors passing Courtney going back in to see her mom.
I said, "Hey, your mom keeps trying to tell me something. I just can't figure it out."
"I'll ask her." Court said.

I continued to mosey back to the waiting room, where I repeated everything the Dr. had shared. Everyone was pleased, we thanked God and then Debra and Audura bundled up and took off for the day.

Now when Courtney returned she was laughing at me.
"Aunt Peggy." She giggled, "All Mom wanted was a pillow under her butt!"
I laughed too and replied, "Oh, it was PILLOW! PILLOW! She was mouthing. Dang! I will never be good at reading lips when I go deaf!"

The thing is, as Merrym has shared before, her stump is so tiny, basically skin and bone, and there is no buttock left on that side, so her body is majorly off kilter. Especially when she is lying flat on her back, which she was. This arches and strains her back, so a pillow in that area is much needed.

Now those of us who stayed at the hospital for the next few hours took turns visiting Mer and planned a family dinner. We decided that it would be easier for us all if we just met up at Mom's house to eat. Glory would bring a large main course over. Her and Robert would prepare it. The others could just bring a simple side dish etc.

By about 5pm we took off, knowing that they were not going to allow us to meander in and out of ICU all night, since Mer was not on her death bed any longer. Ann, Robert and I drove to Mom's, which was about 20 minutes away. By this time it was pitch black out, very cold and snowing.

Mom was extremely glad to see us, hugging and kissing each of us as we entered her abode. We stomped the compact snow off our boots while she went over our sleeping arrangements. Silly Mom, we already knew the routine!
Ann would take the extra bedroom that mom likes to call, 'Ann's room' ???
Robert would take the hide-a-bed, and I would share Mom's queen size bed.

While Ann and I settled in, Robert, who loves to cook, took charge of the kitchen. Glory showed up a few minutes later with some food donated from her church. The two of them prepared it, while extended family flowed through the door.
We ate, visited and prayed. Mer never left our thoughts.

When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zopher the Naamathite heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.
Job 2:11

Love You Mer

The Gift (continued IX)

2011-01-12T09:09:00.000-08:00

We walked through the automatic doors into the ICU where a large nurses station sat to our right and the large glass cubicles to our left. Mer's was the very first one.

We stood in the corridor area with three nurses and the ICU Dr., listening very intently to his orders for Mer's day. She was doing so much better, but moving her from ICU was still not an option.

When the Dr. was done giving orders he asked if Courtney or I had any questions. I asked how her kidneys might be affected from now on. He was optimistic since they were back to 'normal' function at this time. Court asked if they were going to put Mer back in a nursing home when she left the hospital. This was always Mer's biggest nightmare. The Dr. told her that was too far down the road to discuss.

We then split up, the staff went about their duties, Courtney left the ICU to make a call or something and I went into Merrym's stark white existence.

There she was lying on the stiff, bleak hospital bed. Her hair had been bleached out to a platinum blonde, which washed her pale face out all the more. I don't know where her glasses were but she had this tiny sci-fi looking TV apparatus smack dab in her face so she could see it.

She smiled as big as her overtired face would allow her. I walked up to the head of her bed hugged her as tightly as I could and kissed her head, faking a smile, as I stuffed back the tears.

Trying to speak to me was very frustrating, as nothing, not even a whisper would come out. Her voice box had been severely damaged from her yanking the respirator out. Now they didn't trust her at all even though she didn't need it anymore. They had her hands bound tightly to each side of the bed. This saddened me, but then again her safety was my first concern.

She continued to try and tell me something, mouthing one word over and over, but ever since her stroke her lips didn't quite move the same. I just couldn't read her lips, so I told her to finger spell it in sign language. This didn't do any good either, the restraints got in the way. So, we played the guessing game.

Me, "You want something?"
Mer nodded, "Yes."
Me, "Potty?"
Mer shook her head, "No."
Me, "Eat? You want to eat?"
Mer mouthed, "NO!"
Me, "The nurse? You need the nurse?"
Mer mouthed harder."NO!!"
I laughed out of pure frustration for the both of us.
"Mer." I said, "I'm sorry I'm a total geek, I just don't get what it is you want."
I chatted her up for a few more minutes when a nurse appeared and said, "Times up, sorry she needs to rest."

I hugged her, kissed her cheek and told her someone else would be in later to see her.Then walked slowly out of her starkness.

So the King asked me, "Why does your face look so sad when you are not ill? This can be nothing but sadness of the heart."
Nehemiah 2:2

Love You Mer

The Gift ( Continued VIII)

2011-01-05T16:10:00.000-08:00

As we drove out of the slick parking lot I asked Ann, "Did you notice anything about that desk clerk just now?"
"No." She answered.
"Ann, I swear that was the same woman from last night! If It wasn't, it was her identical twin and she's was totally playing us!" I said.
"Well now that you mention it, she did look familiar." Ann commented. "Weird!"

"So I say no to the free coupons for the breakfast buffet. We don't have time and just our luck, we'll end up with food poisoning!" Ann announced. "Let's just get gas and get outta Dodge!"
"Amen to that sister!" Robert yelped.

We headed to the nearest gas station, which was just next door and I tried to pump.
"AHHHH!" I yelled. "What the heck is going on?! It's going super slow!"
"Try another pump." Ann suggested.
I did. Saying a prayer as I pumped. YES IT WORKED!
We filled up and zoomed out of Mountain Home as fast as the Suburban would take us.

"I'm never stopping there again!" I squealed.
"What a night!" Followed Robert.

"We'll stop for some fast food as soon as I see a road sign." said Ann.

We took an exit about a half hour later and went through the McDonald's drive through. Ann ordered three egg McMuffins, hash browns and orange juice.
I politely reminded her that she was allergic to eggs.
She said, "Ya I know, but I haven't had any issues with them just lately."
"Okee Dokee! Don't say I didn't tell you so." I laughed.

Robert paid and we headed back to the freeway.
We ate and chatted trying to stay focused on our journey.
But before the next gas stop IT hit!
Yup, Ann was still allergic to eggs!
From then on we stopped about every half hour at the closest bathroom. Poor Ann! Not fun!

We finally arrived in the Ogden area and Ann was fooling around with her GPS on her phone while driving in the snow. It scared me to death and I grabbed it reading it out loud to her. She was confused as to what exit to take. I know this sounds silly, but it's like exit 32nd St N or exit 32nd St. So even though we've taken this exit hundreds of times, it's hard to remember. So I called Glory who gave us the correct information and directed us to the hospital, since it was new to us.

We arrived mid morning or so, at a small Catholic Hospital on the south side of Ogden. We drove around the hospital looking for the front entrance, but alas another call went out to Glory.

Finally we parked and went into a beautifully decorated lobby. Christmas was in the air, but we weren't feeling it. We followed the signs that directed us to the ICU waiting room, where we entered a beautiful refuge with over stuffed leather couches, a large flat screen on the wall and gorgeous art work. The room was dimly lit giving off a very peaceful vibe.

Glory, her two daughters Audria and Debra, Karen and her daughter Shaunta, and Courtney were all there ebbing a somber attitude from there looks. They up-dated us on Mer's progress, which was good. She was off the respirator, conscious and stable. PRAISE GOD! But they were still nervous about moving her from ICU.

Mer's Pastor had been by to pray and comfort the family the best he could. We just huddled together to support one another.

The next visiting schedule to Mers' glass cubicle was in about a half hour and the family decided that I should go in with Courtney to listen to the Doctor and the nurses discuss Mer's orders for the day and ask any questions.

While we waited we nibbled on some homemade chocolate chip pumpkin cookies that Shaunta had brought everyone and caught up on each other. The clock finally drifted to the half hour mark. Court and I headed down the hall to the shiny silver ICU doors. We sanitized our hands and called the ICU desk on the bright red phone hanging from the wall. The nurse asked who we were and how we were related to Mer, then buzzed us in...

Those who know your name trust you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Psalm 9:10

Love You Mer

The Gift (continued VII)

2011-01-05T14:59:00.000-08:00

We suddenly heard loud talking coming from the next room. It finally registered in our over exhausted brains that it was a television show. BUT REALLY AT 2 AM?! We laughed about there actually being someone other than us staying there that night, gave up and crashed.

When out on the porch there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter! UH, Anyway, Ya!

So all of a sudden we're woke from a dead sleep to this sound, CRRRRCK! CRRRRCK!
Ann drowsily says, " What's that?"
I answered, "Don't know."
Then again CRRRRCK! CRRRRCK!
Ann says, "What time is it?"
I haphazardly found my cell phone, flicked it open and it glared at me 4 AM.
And again we hear CRRRRCK! CRRRRCK!
"I think someones burying a dead body." I said jokingly.
We all giggled but were weary of this distant strange noise.
Robert slowly dragged himself out of bed, went to the door and cracked it open.
He peeks out, CRRRRCK! CRRRRCK!
He shuts the door shaking his head from side to side.
"What?" Ann slurs sleepily.
"It's some doof scrapping the snow off the balcony!"
"At four in the morning?!" Ann asks.
"What's up with that? They could wait till like 5:30 or so UGH!"
We all just covered our heads in frustration and dozed into a fitful sleep.

6 AM came around and we were wide awake, so while Ann and Robert packed, I showered. We put our bags in the vehicle and then pulled it in front of the office. Ann and I went in with purpose written all over our faces. I looked at the woman at the desk and my eyes nearly bugged out of my head! But I didn't comment just yet.

Ann told her about all the ridiculous antics we had to deal with the night before, from the dirty room to the waiting in the cold while the desk clerk ran around like a chicken with her head cut off to the guy scrapping snow at 4 AM. She then calmly asked for a discount of some kind for our inconveniences. The woman said "Ya I heard about that, I'm sorry."
"Well I believe we deserve a discount of some kind." I chimed in.
She fumbled with her desk book and answered the phone, while we patiently waited.
"Well I can't do that." she said.
"Well we are very disappointed in the service here and will never stop at this hotel again. We will also recommend to friends and family never to stop here!" Ann said angrily.
"Um, well I can give you coupons for breakfast at the buffet behind us." She responded.
Ann took them and said "This really doesn't cover the issues!" And we walked out. As we did there was a couple in the waiting room reading pamphlets who rolled their eyes at us. We didn't care it felt good to be leaving the 'Bates Motel'....

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your GOD goes with you; HE will never leave or forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31-8

Love You Mer

The Gift (continued VI)

2011-01-04T17:28:00.000-08:00

We pulled into a glistening, snow white blanketed, parking lot of a motel in Mountain Home Idaho. Ann jumped out and went in to register. She was back out in about five minutes. She jumped back into the vehicle and moved down a way, close to the building we would be staying in.

We grabbed our bags and followed the clerk to a outdoor stairway where we slowly lugged ourselves up to the second floor. I'm not quite sure why we had to follow the clerk, but we did. Hum?

Anyway, we walked the outside balcony area about four doors down, and while we were shivering and dusting snow out of our hair, the clerk took her key card and opened the door. We stepped into used towels all over the floor and two unmade beds! We each looked at the clerk with question marks popping out of our eyeballs! She just stood there oblivious to our reaction.

Ann said, "We just paid full price for this mess?! You better get us a clean room!"
The clerk still acted oblivious. So Ann, Robert and I stepped back out of the room.
Then Ann looked straight in the clerks face and said "Well?!"
The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but we're booked tonight. I'm not sure we have another room."

Again Robert, Ann and I glanced at each other this time rolling our eyes. Ann's voice bust out with "WHAT?!"
The clerk said "Well there is a convention in town and my rooms are full."

Robert and I nervously giggled, because now Ann was angry. You could literally see the steam rising from the top of her head. She said "Excuse Me!? pointing to the dark lonely parking lot, where there were three cars; Our Suburban, the clerks snow covered vehicle, sitting by the office and also one other car sitting against the back fence, covered in a deep layer of snow.
The clerk nonchalantly said "Oh, well they all road a bus."
Now Ann was really not happy, "Oh I see!" She said with an attitude. "Then where's this so called bus parked?!"
The clerk just stared like some kind of 'Step-ford Wife' back at us.
"Listen it's two in the morning, we're freezing out here and getting snowed on. I paid you full price and registered for a CLEAN room. I suggest you find us one NOW!"

So the clerk walks right up to the next door and starts fiddling with the key card. Then she says "Oh I have to go get the right key card." Then takes off down the balcony.

Now the office was a whole separate building. You had to walk back across the balcony, down the stairs, and across a lengthy sidewalk to get there. She of course took her sweet time. We of course became more impatient and upset!

Miss Clerk came lallygagging back about 15 minutes later. UGH!
Ann blasted her again, letting her know how rude it was to let us stand out in these frigid temperatures for so long. The clerk acted as if she didn't hear a thing.

She rattled the key card in the same door and nothing happened, then looked at us and said, "Ya I know, I'll be right back."
Ann said with fire on her tongue, "Yeah Right Like Last Time?! We're Wet And Freezing!"

This time she seemed to walk a little faster and actually hurried back too. I think Ann was getting to her. We chuckled.

As the clerk came up to us Ann said to her, "If your rooms are full, why is no one in the two rooms you just tried?"
Miss Clerk ignored her and walked up to another doorway and actually opened the door!
Ann looked in amazement and laughingly said, "Well imagine that, a key card that works and another room with not one of those conventioneers in it!"
The clerk quickly slid the key card on a table and walked out.

The room was clean, warm, and very nice. Thank goodness! Now we could finally get settled.

We quickly jumped into our PJs and snacked on some items bought at the gas station.
After our tummies were satisfied we hit the sheets, lights out, WHEN...

I wouldn't be reduced to this blunt, letter-writing language out of sheer frustration.
Galatians 4:18

Love You Mer

The Gift (continued V)

2011-01-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

Now it's about a 12 hour drive from Renton to Ogden, but we knew that winter weather was in our near future, so we prepared mentally for a much longer commute.

We drove, got gas, chatted, napped and listened to music. We hit snow, slush and ice in many places, but weren't bombarded until we got just out of Mountain Home Idaho.

It happened to be on my watch and the snow was coming at us full force. The time was approximately 1:30 AM and there seemed to be no shortage of early morning traffic on the road. I was trying to pass a huge semi just to get away from the spewing loads of street snow on our window, but the more I tried, the more we seemed to get buried. I was really struggling to see and keep the Suburban from fishtailing.

Ann could read the concern on my face and asked if we should just back off, find a room for the night and try it again when the sun came up. We were all in total agreement, so I took the next exit.

We came to a large gas station that just seemed to be out in the middle of nowhere. Ann and Robert went in to use the facilities and ask for directions to the nearest hotel.

It was my turn to pay for gas so I ran my card and plugged the nozzle into the tank. Now it was frigid, the snow was coming down fast and furious and my boots were standing in inches of snow. I looked up at the gas pump and it's just ever so slowly ticking by. One cent, two cents, three cents, up to about 34 cents. "Ugh! What's the deal?!" I said out loud. It felt like I had been standing there for fifteen minutes, so I walked into the counter where Ann and Robert were checking out. I asked the clerk "Is there something wrong with your pump, because it's moving slower than mud?" "No," said the clerk "It's just so cold that the pumps move super slow." Ann, Robert and I quickly glanced at each other and all said "What?" "That makes no sense! There is no way that's the real issue. People pump gas all over the country in freezing cold temperatures every day and I'm sure they don't wait around that long to get gas." I told her.

Ann just looked at me and said "Don't worry about it, we'll fill up in the morning. Let's just find a room." So I paid for my 34 cents worth of gas and we followed the directions to the hotel.

Little did we know that was just the beginning of our interesting journey through Mountain Home or as I like to call it Stephen King-ville...

You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit.
Job 10:11-13

Love You Mer

The Gift (continued IV)

2011-01-01T17:17:00.000-08:00

Robert showed up at my door within a half hour. He and I nervously jabbered while impatiently waiting for Ann. It took quite a while for her since she had sent her husband to the store to pick up some chains for the vehicle.

It was dark by the time she arrived, but no worries, we had all traveled this route hundreds of times, night, day, winter, spring, summer and fall. Robert and I tossed our belongings in the Suburban, I kissed Jim goodbye telling him I wasn't sure when we would return.

Before we hit the road we stopped at the 7-11 up the street from my house and grabbed a couple snacks. Ann drove, Robert road shotgun and I sat in the far back where I had made a bed out of the bench seat, but rest was not my friend.

I sat there very somber hearing the voices of my siblings bounce off my eardrums. Tears slowly trickled from my chin and my lips quivered. I wanted to cry, needed to cry and so, I allowed myself to indulge.

My thoughts went back again to, "Why God? Why? She has suffered ten times her share of one persons lifetime in this earth shattering battle that she is continually hammered by each day."

I also prayed for a quick journey, and my sisters survival with the least amount of suffering possible. But alas neither of those would be.

I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I promised you."
Genesis 28:15
Love You Mer

The Gift-Remix part 3

2010-12-30T17:11:00.000-08:00

During this hospital stay I had to go through detox while being monitored by medical staff. I know that's 'The Norm' except there is not anything normal about my situation or illnesses. If one thing goes wrong I can go from life-to-death in seconds.

Memories I have of that time are just a jumble of sporadic fragmented flashes...

One nurse was with me constantly. I needed one-on-one attention to make sure I did not become completely out of control before she could administer a tranquilizer, because I had hurt myself.
Faces; Peg, Robert, Glory, Ann, Karen, Bill, Ace and Courtney. They were all smiling while tears ran down their faces and comforting words seeped from their quivering lips.
Throwing up constantly. It was to the point that no matter how many times the staff changed me and tried to catch the vomit, my bed and I were drenched continually.
Being angry that I couldn't move (they restrained me for my protection).
The moment Peg said she was sorry, but she had to go home, goodbye and be good, all the while I pleaded for her to take me with her.
Glory telling me I was once again going to a nursing home. At that point I was ready to just give up on living. God whispered, "Merrym, it's OK! I'm with you where ever you go! Trust Me!"

And I did...

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.

Psalm 28:7

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Danger of Complacency

2010-12-23T14:52:00.000-08:00

Our phone rang around 3:00 AM. I reached over to pick up the phone, saying to Tim, "I wonder what's going on?" It was the people who monitor Merrym's emergency calls. They told us that she had slid off the toilet and couldn't get up. They asked if we could go help her. We hurried and left (This is not an unusual thing for us, Merrym has fallen many times during the night). When we got there, I ran in to see if she was decent. I covered her up and had Tim come in. Between the three of us and the railing in the bathroom, we got Merrym up. I helped her clean herself up, got her settled in her chair, asked if she needed anything or needed me to stay and she said she just wanted to go back to sleep. She seemed pretty cheery.

I called Merrym later that morning, and she said she was doing ok. As I said before, this had happened many times and everything seemed normal for Merrym.

When Peggy called later in the day and asked if I had heard from Merrym, I told her what had happened and said she is probably sleeping or gone somewhere. I still wasn't worried.

Thank goodness for the closeness that Peggy and Merrym share. Peggy sensed something was wrong. When Peggy called me telling me Mer was on her way to the hospital, I was in shock. I jumped in my car and got there before the ambulance, meeting Cortney there.

I have also been in the emergency room with Merrym many times, and she really didn't seem that bad to me. She was slurring her speech, but she did that many times when she took certain medicines.

Courtney and I met with a doctor, who told us that Merrym was physically dependent on her drugs. We said we knew that. He said the drugs seemed to be affecting her kidneys and they would have to detox her. This was the third time I had heard this about Merrym: the first time she spent time in the psych ward, because they thought she had overdosed on purpose; the second time she ended up in a nursing home, because they said she was overdosing herself without realizing it; now this time I went home thinking everything was going to be ok, but wondered what they were going to want to do with Merrym.

When they called me the next day, saying they had rushed Merrym to ICU and that her kidneys were shutting down, I was again shocked. Karen and I headed to the hospital to get some answers.....

You women who are so complacent, rise up and listen to me; you daughters who feel secure, hear what I have to say!
Isaiah 32:9

Love,
Mother Hen Glory

The Gift (Continued III)

2010-12-22T15:22:00.000-08:00

The next morning I woke up with prayers on my tongue. Went about my day wondering and worrying, when around 2pm the phone sang out "PeggySue, PeggySue, pretty pretty little PeggySue." My ring tone. Of course it was glued to me so I answered quickly with a jolly "Hello!"

It was Glory who wasn't so jolly, more like somber. "I have bad news." she said."What?! Why?!" Blurted from my mouth. "Mer's kidneys have shut down and she stopped breathing. They have her in ICU on life support. She's already yanked the tubes out and damaged her esophagus, so they have her strapped to the bed. The Dr. doesn't think she's going to make it, so you guys need to get here ASAP!"

Shock hit me in the face and my eyes couldn't see through the blur of tears. I choked out the words "Of course, I'll call Ann and Robert."

I hung up, chin to chest, body shaking and started weeping, while saying "Why? Why? She's been through so much already. Why?"

My husband asked what was wrong and I told him "It's Mer, she's not going to make it. I'm headed to Utah ASAP."
"No problem." he said.

I first dialed Ann and explained. She said she would pack but should we fly or drive. I told her I would prefer we pool our money and drive, since I was just coming back from a layoff. She agreed because her husbands business was not doing so well either.I told her I'd call Robert and ask his opinion, then hung up.

I then dialed Robert giving him the lowdown. He said "I'll call my boss but I am definitely going! My vote is to fly, but you'll have to put that on your credit card." I said "That ain't happening for more reasons than one! We are driving!" I called Ann back told her and she offered her suburban.

Anyway, I literally threw some clothes, bath supplies, etc... in a duffel bag, not really knowing or caring what I had. But the one thing I did make sure I had was a funeral outfit, which broke my heart all the more...

He pleaded earnestly with him "My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her, so that she will be healed and live."
Mark 5:23

Love you Mer

The Gift (continued II)

2010-12-20T17:34:00.000-08:00

The phone call finally came, it was Glory's voice "Hey Peg I'm at the hospital do you want to talk to Mer?"
My eyes popped open with surprise and I stuttered "W-well of c-course!"
"She's really tired so she can't talk long."
Mer's voice came on the line very quite but happy.
"Hi Pag!"
"Hi Mer, you had me worried."

We had a very short chat and then Glory came back on explaining Mer's situation. She said that Mer's friend Marty had found her in her lounge chair, (remember this is what I heard) she had been sitting on her phone not realizing it, so that's why she didn't answer.

Marty said "Merrym I'm going to call 911."
Mer barely mumbled back, "Why don't I just push my medic alert button?"
Marty responded "Ya!" and she pushed it.

Glory also told me that Mer's kidneys had shut down and her meds had built up in her system to the point of OD-ing. But at this time she was fine and they were doing tests on her kidneys.

This relieved me because I knew she was alive, but scared me thinking "Oh no! Not her kidneys!"

Glory, Karen and Ace were there. Mer's CNA had been informed, she called Courtney and brought her to the hospital, so I knew she was surrounded by love.

"Please have Mer call me tomorrow and let me know how she is doing." I asked Glory.
"Will do, night sis."

Stress flowed from my tightened neck down through my aching shoulder blades and out my finger tips. I felt like a rag doll and desperately needed my pillow. Ahhhh! I could sleep.

But at about 2pm the next afternoon...

So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord the one you love is sick."
John 11:3

I love you Mer

The Gift-Remix Part 2

2010-12-17T17:37:00.000-08:00

A few seconds went by while Marty waited for the ambulance. Suddenly the door swung wide without a knock and my son's friend, Alan entered with teeth bared and ready for a fight. He had no idea who Marty was or what he was doing in my apartment.

The paramedics rushed in, gurney in hand, unprepared for the scene before them. Two very protective angry men standing over me, nose-to-nose loudly inquiring who each other was. Someone from the medical team stepped between them and asked my name and how the two of them were connected to me.

As each explained who they were, tempers cooled and emotions turned to concern. The paramedics got me loaded quickly without giving a break down of my condition to my two heroes (because neither was family).

When Glory arrived at the hospital the diagnosis was kidney failure, since mine wasn't working, the medicine I take four times a day was building up in my system causing an overdose; I had also stopped breathing and a tube had to be placed down my throat to keep my airways open. Once again they weren't sure I'd make it...

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Gift-Remix

2010-12-14T15:52:00.000-08:00

I don't remember anything about this particular story Peg's telling. I was so out of it that I can't even remember Thanksgiving last year. Obviously my body had growing problems over a large period of time and I didn't recognize this, until it was too late. In my dazed stupor God allowed me enough presence of mind to convey that something was wrong to Peg, Ace and Courtney. I've heard from many others their versions, so I'm going to compile them in one story for you.

It was December 4th. Courtney remembers because it was her son, Nehemiah's birthday and I couldn't even get "Happy Birthday!" out of my mouth before I told her I wasn't feeling well, I was scared because I'd never felt this way and could she please stay the night. Now with all my hospital visits and infections over the years, my children have been desensitized to my claims of fear, that has anything to do with my illness. Also it being my grandsons birthday they had a party planned, Courtney said, "No. I can't Mom. I'll check on you tomorrow and see how you are." then left.

Every December I have a date to go to a special program at my close friend, Kellie's church and it just so happened to be the next night. We had met through her son, Marty and they are an exceptionally, generous and loving family that are now very much a part of my heart. Marty lives in Kansas (you know somewhere over the rainbow and very far away...LOL). Kellie had invited him to the program and was going to let him surprise me, by picking me up for the event.

She dialed my number many times that day to remind me to be ready at 6:00, but I never answered. She was worried, but busy helping at church. She decided Marty better go check on me, even if the surprise was ruined.

When Marty got to my door and there was no answer, he hunted down the maintenance man to get in. When the door swung open what Marty saw stopped his heart. I lay on the floor in an unconscious heap...

It is a land the LORD your God cares for; the eyes of the LORD your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end.
Deuteronomy 11:12

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Gift (Continued)

2010-12-13T11:54:00.000-08:00

Thank You God! I found a number that looked like it might be Ace's and dialed.
I was hoping and praying that he was not out of town for work. Please God! Please God!

Michelle answered and put Ace on the line.
I said, "Ace have you heard from your Mom today?"
He replied that he hadn't but had seen her the previous day.
I explained in a panic what my story was.
Ace said "Aunt Peg I live about an hour from Mom and the roads are super icy. My car doesn't do well in this weather, but I'll call my friend Alan who lives a few blocks from her and ask him to go check on her."

I said, "Good! Call me back as soon as you know anything!"

I couldn't think! All I could do was pace around with anger on my breath! I knew! I JUST KNEW! Something was very VERY WRONG!

About a half hour later my phone blares at me again. I literally jumped, snatching it up, almost yelling "HELLO?!"

"Hey Aunt Peg, It's me Ace." Came the voice on the other end of the line.
"Ya, what's up?!"

"Alan went over to Mom's apartment and they were putting her in a ambulance! They won't tell him anything because he's not family! They did say they are rushing her to Ogden Regional, I'm headed there and will call you when I know more!"
CLICK! The phone went dead.

Steam was now spewing from my ears! I was SOOO FURIOUS!

I dialed Glory's number and said, "So do you know where Mer is?!"
"No?" she answered.

With tears welling up in my eyes and trembling lips I yelled, "On the way to the hospital! This didn't have to happen like this! I KNEW, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG! You didn't listen or do ANYTHING! I'm a world away, I can't physically do anything!"

"What!?" she answered in disbelief. "I'm sorry, I just didn't get the urgency, I'm on my way. I'll call you...."

But it is the spirit in a person, the breath of the Almighty, that gives them understanding.
Job 32:8

Love You Mer

The Gift

2010-12-10T13:32:00.000-08:00

My turn! It's me PeggySue, I told Mer I wanted to take a turn writing.
This time would be about the flooding memories overwhelming me from last December.
Mer had another near death experience.

So here goes.
It was Friday evening about December 4th, my phone rings with Mer sounding totally exhausted on the other end. She Say's "Pag?" (that's how she pronounces my name with her speech issues) "I am calling to ask you to call me tomorrow and check in on me because I feel like I'm coming down with some form of the flu."
I said, "Of course I will, feel better, love you."

The next morning about 10am, Washington state time, I called Mer. No answer. "Not a problem" I thought, "she's probably in the bathroom."
I called her again at about noon or so, no answer. "Hum?" I thought, and went about my Saturday.
Now, it's about 2pm and I tried again. I let the phone ring and ring and ring. No answer. Now I was worried!
So I think, "I'll call Glory and see if she knows anything about Mer today."
Glory's husband Tim answers the phone and tells me Glory is on her cell chatting with a friend, which I can hear from her voice echoing in the background.
I tell Tim that I need Glory to call me back ASAP about Mer. He reassures me he will.
By 3:30 or so I hear nothing from Glory so I punch in her number one more time.
This time I get her on the phone.
"Why didn't you call me back?" I asked in a huff. "You called?" she replied
"A ya! About an hour and a half ago. Tim said he'd have you get back to me ASAP. What's the deal?!"
"I guess he got side tracked and forgot."
"What?! I told him it was very important, I can't get Mer on the phone. She called last night, was sick and wanted me to call and check on her. I'm worried!"
"Oh Peg, she probably was busy with her CNA showering and all."
This didn't register with me, but Mer doesn't see her CNA on the weekends.
Glory told me that she would call Mer and if she couldn't get her on the phone she would drive over and check on her. This soothed me, but I asked her to call me back as soon as she knew anything.
Two or so hours goes by, no call from Glory. Now I'm furious!
SO, I grab my cell and start scrolling through all the 801 area codes left on my phone from that previous summer when Ace had called me. I still hadn't logged in the number under his name and I knew I didn't have a number for Court...

for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable.
Romans 11:29

Love You Mer

God's Always There

2010-12-09T17:18:00.000-08:00

Today I went to a Christmas party at Tri-County Independent Living, an advocacy center for disabled people here in and around the Ogden area. While I was enjoying myself, God jogged my memory by allowing me to run into two very dear old friends that I met in the nursing home.

One being Diane. What attracted us to each other was the fact that we were contemporaries, in the same age-range.

It's hard being younger, in a care center where everyone else is 30-40 years older and not of the same generation. Those older people were so set in their ways that they could convey something to each other with a glance or just one word and then converge on an unwilling, unknowing target to the point of hurting feelings.

After six months of going it alone, I heard of the heart-wrenching story of this occurrence happening to Diane, which left her with tears flooding from her eyes and absolutely drained of energy. I jumped at the chance for an ally.

It was an instant friendship. This gave us someone to unite with, run things by and commiserate with, which was greatly needed. We became best buds, doing things together anytime possible. Eventually we could communicate with a glance or one word, which relieved some of the stress caused by being in such a difficult situation as we were in.

Soon after she got well enough to go home and I was alone again, but just like this situation, God was there for me...

My salvation and my honor depend on God ; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Psalm 62:7

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

God's Love Became Mine

2010-12-06T17:20:00.000-08:00

Soon after Carl became like my shadow. Where ever I went he was close behind, skipping, dancing a jig, and grinning with joy.

Every morning he woke bright and early with his exceptionally cheerful attitude. He didn't understand volume control on his voice, so if your room was anywhere in the vicinity of his room, you got a awakening much like a roosters call as the sun comes up.

He didn't know how old he was, but was asked this question daily by one person or another. I made it my goal to find out this and a few other things so we could carry on conversations with people and each other. He flourished with God's encouragement and love.

Eventually there was such an improvement in this shining gem of a man that the staff recommended him for a part time job at a business that specializes in giving disabled people jobs. He was so proud of himself for "growing up" (his words) and getting a job that he would bring me home presents daily, until I put an abrupt stop to it.

When I told him I was leaving the nursing home he ran crying to his room. I followed and said, "Carl, I'm so proud of you. You've learned how to take care of yourself so well that you have a job. Yes, I'm leaving, but I'll come and visit you. OK?" He answered, "OK I'll see you tomorrow." I laughed loudly as we hugged I thought how much fuller my life was for knowing Carl and how much I love this brilliant treasure, with that I said, "Goodbye my friend."

After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.
1 Samuel 18:1

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Change of Heart

2010-12-01T14:30:00.000-08:00

When I lived at the nursing I met a 76 year old, mentally disabled man named, Carl. His intellect was that of a 4 year old. He had no idea that he was different than anyone else.

The first time I encountered Carl was at a Bingo game. His child-like demeanor was maddening to everyone, because he spoke loudly and didn't care whether this bothered others. If he didn't win, he threw an ear-splitting fit and stormed off to his room, protesting all the way. He was always clamorously, audible. This made many others very annoyed and they were absolutely cantankerous, using harsh words at him. He didn't always understand what was said, but he got their message through body language and voice level. This broke his heart, after all in his mind, he hadn't done anything to deserve this.

Seeing that innocent man hurt so much caused me to ask God for help in this matter. Over the next few weeks I watched to see what I could do to modify this behavior, so as to stop the people from abusing this sweet soul. I noticed he loved to copy people he respected, so...

I went out of my way to become his friend, assisting him in filling out his menu, letting him know when activities were happening and anything else he could benefit from. It wasn't a big deal. It was like having another child (remember, I love children).

During our Bingo games I'd save a seat for him, right next to me. Excitedly he'd skip to the chair, then wiggle and squirm, until the game started. While we waited I'd remind him that we cant win every time and that the game was just for fun. When someone else won I'd cheer and clap for them, which he mimicked. Eventually this jewel of a man's disposition changed and other's noticed saying, "Merrym, you've worked wonders with Carl. He doesn't get on our nerves anymore." My answer was simple, saying, "It wasn't me." I pointed to heaven and beamed...

My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused.

Hosea 11:8b

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Student Becomes The Teacher

2010-11-29T16:15:00.000-08:00

I babysit my grandchildren at least 40 hours a week and I've tried to impart the love of Jesus to them. But there have been a few times the tables have turned and they've become the teacher. Here are a few...

Just the other day as it began to snow, I began complaining because snow and wheelchairs don't mix well. I looked out the window next to my computer and noticed swirls of snow swimming by my window. Immediately I called 7 year old granddaughter, Brittanie and 3 year old grandson, Nehemiah to view this sight. They came running, while under my breathe I griped, moaned and bellyached. They stared wide eyed out the window at the marvelous, churning picture before them and simultaneously exclaimed, "Wow! God's amazing!" Stunned to silence, I turned with tears of shame in my eye's and looked at the abundance of amazement that stood before me, my beautifully, angelic grandchildren.

Last night I got a call from my daughter-in-law asking if I wanted to watch 15 month old grandson, Merryck for an hour while she did some errands. I've always snatched every chance I can spend with any of my family, but especially grand kids. I want them to have happy memories of our times together and be a Godly example too. Five minutes after I hung up my delightfully, charming grand baby sat on my knee grinning. We played for a while and then he became tired. Now when I rock children to sleep, I sing (it's not pretty, but enjoyable) songs and tell stories of Jesus. Merryck wanted to be held and rocked (the usual). He was impatiently screaming while I transferred from wheelchair to lounge-chair, which made me sullen and I grumbled a bit. I handed him his bottle and reached to pick him up. Abruptly my brilliant grandson stopped crying, jumped in my arms and with the sweetest smile said, "Jesus?!" Once again I marveled at God and his awesome creations

As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.
Corinthians 6:13

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Confessions of a 46 Year Old Drama Queen

2010-11-26T16:19:00.000-08:00

I feel the need to confess to you wonderful people about being a flake and allowing the Devil to keep me from writing lately.

My awesome family is going through some difficult times with Peg having Aggressive Cancer in many parts of her body. She has a very upbeat, positive attitude about the whole thing. Doctors have started her on Chemotherapy and she has some amazing people beside her to help and encourage her every step of the way...

I'd like to pause to thank you one and all for being there for my sister in all the ways you have and are. I know God has us all exactly where we can be used, if we are willing to let Him do so. Thank you for your willingness to go above and beyond what the average person would do and become God's hands, feet and heart for my sweet sweet sister.

Now then I've never been on this end of the illness. Meaning I'm the one usually going through the illness and having others worry for me. It's easier for me to put myself in God's hands with no worries involved, just letting go and let God have his will. But I'm trying to get the hang of giving my anxieties over to God when it comes to someone else.

Sounds crazy I know! Yet it's true!

Every since my illness started twenty years ago I've gotten bad migraines due to the scar tissue on my brain. For a while I've been able to deal with the pain and eventually relieve them. But recently the migraines have become so extreme they have literally laid me flat on my back, unable to move without becoming nauseated to the point of puking and not able to write a daily post (I apologize). My headaches have never been this bad and with my Psychological background I'm pretty sure I know why. They started to become worse the day I found out about Peg, my best friend and confidant. I know these headaches a physical manifestation of my worry and if I don't stop I wont be any good for her when she needs me.

So as I said in the above I'm vowing to place my sister, PeggySue in God's hands and trust Him with the outcome. I'm diligently praying for God's will to be done...

Trust in the LORD with all your heart.
Proverbs 3:5a

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Be Thankful for God's Blessings

2010-11-20T15:44:00.000-08:00

Finally I'm getting back on track.

I lived at the nursing home for two years and have some wonderful memories. One in particular was a beautiful, older, African American woman, named Anna. I knew her from my earlier visit when my dad was living there.

We had a common bound. We both knew and loved my father.

Since I was a young kid compared to the other patients and my mother ask her to look after me, Anna became a constant in my life.

Every time an activity was offered or even just at mealtimes, she would leave her room walking slowly because of the need of a walker, joyously hollering , "Merrym! Merrym! Come on my sweet girl! Let's go participate, socialize, get ourselves out of those stuffy rooms." By the time she was finished with her speech, her head popped from behind the door frame with a glorious smile that no one Not even the Devil, himself could resist.

There was a schedule of activities in every room, so I knew when things were going to happen. I would get ready for each event ahead of time, but I waited to see that inspiring smile before I'd really be prepared for anything.

It was just a small gesture on her part, but Anna was so generous and loving. She was a shining example of God's power, joy and love. I know God put her in my life to boost me up and I praise Him for this.

This has been one of the many examples of inspiration God placed in my path and I never got to thank her before she went to be with Him. Thank you Anna!

Is there someone in your life that inspires you? Thank them before it's too late.

Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth.
Genesis 9:1

P.S. PeggySue-Thank you for everything you've done and are doing to inspire me! I am truly blessed to have you as a sister and friend. I love you! My prayers are with you!

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Surprise! Surprise!

2010-11-19T18:16:00.000-08:00

As most of you know yesterday, November 18th, was my birthday. This made me reflect back to this date twenty years ago.

I was in LDS hospital for the fifth month of my extended vacation, that I so unwillingly took there. My attentive family had done everything possible to make this birthday as normal as they could. They planned a surprise party, inviting all my friends and co-inhabitants, and waited until every family member would be off of work, so they all could make it.

I woke up that day as mischievous as ever and proceeded to give the staff a hard time. Not knowing of the impending event that was coming later that day, I managed to convey, slurred speech and all, that it was my birthday and jokingly wanted to know what each one had gotten me as a gift. They joked back, "We don't even like you! Why on earth would we get you anything?" I'd just giggle and roll on my merry way.

As the day progressed, I used all my energy to be the rollicking jokester I've always been. So by the time dinner rolled around I was exhausted and asked if I could skip the meal, to go straight to bed. They flat out said, "No!" I became furious and loudly started to let them know my opinion on that thought, when I was stunned to silence. There before me stood a large group of family and friends who had come just to see me, with my gorgeous children center stage.

Energy flowed through me like a socket to a plug and all my tiredness drifted away. The rest of my party was a blur of hugs, kisses, pizza and monstrous smiles. I was never so happy to be alive.

I praised God for saving my life, so I could enjoy this awesome display of His love for me.

And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Romans 5:5

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Thank You For Being A Friend

2010-11-17T16:57:00.000-08:00

As you know I rocked the pageant. Everyone got an award, we all deserved something. After all we showed our vulnerabilities off, up there on that stage. But I believe by me showing God's joy, I received three awards. I'll name them and explain what each is for:

The spirit award-In recognition of her outstanding outlook on life. Her attitude is phenomenal and she is full of spunk.
People's choice-Her online public out-voted the other girls. (Thank you all for contributing!)
Ms. Congeniality-The other contestants chose her as the most friendly and accommodating. I didn't even process that my fellow contestants picked me until approximately 4 am the next morning.)

and last but not least:

First Attendant-In recognition of her superior communication skills, motivation, and character. She is an outstanding "roll" model for Utahns of all abilities and wholly exemplifies the Ms. Wheelchair motto: "Keep on Rollin".

I truly was blessed to participate in this awesome event and want to thank God and you all for helping make it possible for me to do so.

Blessings for God’s People.
Joel 3:17

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Knuck-Boom!

2010-11-16T17:38:00.000-08:00

From that moment on, a fast friendship formed between J.R. and myself. He was so excited to be the escort of someone of like mind.

As we waited backstage we became more acquainted and he said, "I love your personality and I think we need to make it more apparent to the audience. I want them to get a small taste of your joy and spunk. How about when you finish your speech we bump our fists together?" Once again I didn't think about my answer I just said, "OK! After we do knuckles, lets make our hands look like their exploding." He started jumping up and down like an excited two year old waiting to sit on Santa's lap, muttering, "Goody! Goody! Goody!"

I did my speech, then we proceeded to do the 'knuck-boom' motion. The two combined brought the audience to their feet, laughing and applauding. I've always gone for the laugh, so my mind computed this and suddenly I knew a part of how I would entertain MY audience.

Each time I did anything a tiny bit noteworthy I 'knuck-boomed' J.R. This was a crowd pleaser that made many people (a lot I didn't even know) feel comfortable enough to freely come at me, hand in fist position, ready to do my signature move...

And James the son of Zebedee, and John the brother of James; and he surnamed them Boanerges, which is, The sons of thunder:
Mark 3:17

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Eye Candy

2010-11-13T19:06:00.000-08:00

The night before the pageant I was so excited I couldn't sleep. After watching the clock until 4:00 a.m. I finally dozed off and was awoken at 7:00 a.m. by a remarkably animated call from Michelle. At that moment I was so groggy she was more thrilled about the days events than me. She said, "Wake up sleepy head! You have a big day ahead of you. I'm so excited. Aren't you?" I answered, "Yes! But I didn't get much sleep, so I'm going to snooze until my CNA gets here to help me shower. OK?" We hung up and I closed my eyes, but my mind started going over the many things I needed to remember to do. I gave up on getting any more shut eye, got up and called Michelle back. I let her know I was up and around, getting things in order, so she wouldn't worry.

The building we got ready for the pageant in and had our Soiree at was just two blocks from the venue, so I drove my electric wheelchair down the Salt Lake streets in my pageant dress to get there. That was one of the highlights of the evening, because every few seconds there was a jaw dropping in stunned amazement or finger pointing with a 'Look at That?' glance sent from person-to-person. I did my usual, "Hello! How are you? Have a wonderful evening!" with a energetic wave. This brought the usual, smile and "Thanks?!" Followed by a questioning look.

As I got to the Salt Palace the Events Coordinator began gathering contestants and introducing us to our escorts (The Honor Guard of Fire Stations around Utah...HOT! lol) for the evening. When my escort saw me he ran over, leaped in the air, gestured with a pumped fist exclaiming, "Yes! I got the cool girl!" I just chuckled loudly as I shook his hand. He then said, "My name is J.R. Do I need to help you in any way? Do you need me to drive or push your chair?" I answered without a thought, "No! Just stand there and look pretty! Be my eye candy!" He laughed so hard I thought he was going to lose his balance and said, "They matched us up perfectly. I'm as wild as you. If that's possible?!"...

Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.
Deuteronomy 22:10

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Joy Unspeakable

2010-11-11T16:16:00.000-08:00

While the contestants waited for their second interviews with the judges we became restless. Looking around at the bored, anxious faces, I gladly took it upon myself to be the entertainment during this time.

There were vases with roses at each table. I grabbed a flower and used it like a microphone. I started going from table-to-table interviewing people, even the Pageant Coordinator. I said, "Hello! This is Merrym Bruce reporting from the Ms. Wheelchair Utah Pageant. I'd like to know your impressions on the event so far?!" All the others glanced at each other and then looked at me like I was off my rocker (little did they know?...LOL). I then put the rose/mic to their mouths for an answer. The first couple answers were mumbled softly and shyly. BUT me being me I quickly yanked the blossom back and remarked,"Please speak a little louder into the rose!" Suddenly the tension in the room dissipated and a peel of vociferous laughter rang out. Unsolicited comments flew; "Your so funny!", "Your a nut!", and "Your a kick in the pants!" until I was called for my interview. Reluctantly I left my adoring public, but I was energized by them.

I entered the interview room once again and I had to dial myself down a few notches, but there was an electric feeling bouncing from judge to judge. This gave one of them the courage to say, "I know this is not a textbook pageant question, but...Where's your green hair?" I giggled, as the other judges chimed in, "Green hair?!" I then told them about my hair colors and how they change with my whims. Feeling more at ease with my strange persona the questions flowed forth: "How would your children describe you?"-Spunky, Courageous and Non-judgemental. "What do you like about being in a wheelchair?"-I'm at eye-level with children and this opens doors of communication about being proud of who you are, no matter the differences you have. "Why do your wear your hair like that?"-I've always been different and love to stand out. Mostly, people in general try to ignore disabled people and people with Mohawks, but put them together and no one can ignore me! It gives them and me an opening into conversation. By the time I left that room there was a unexplainable joy.

As I gathered my things to go home everyone came and thanked me for 'Being Me' and putting them at ease...

Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory.
1 Peter 1:8

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

In All My Merrym-ness!

2010-11-09T12:12:00.001-08:00

As I entered the room with the three extremely serious judges, I could feel the tension that they unknowingly displayed. But because of the prayer I had said moments before I was at ease knowing whatever happened was God's will, so I was more determined than ever to be myself.

I rolled up to the table with a confidence that stunned all the judges, sending a questioning look between them. This brought an enormous smile to my face and a eager greeting to my lips, which in turn brought more quizzical looks to their solemn veneers.

The judges went about asking their usual, formal, stodgy questions. I answered each with all the joy God had afforded me and their business-like facades began to slowly melt.

Suddenly, as soon as it started, my first seven minute interview was over and I happily returned to the conference room with the other contestants, where Mark Eaton was just wrapping his session of helping up. He then said, "Well ladies, I'm finished now. Is there anything else you want me to do for you?" In all my Merrym-ness I piped in, "Tap dance! We want you to tap dance for us!" Boisterous laughter filled the room as Mark's jaw dropped wide opened, stuttering he exclaimed. "I can't d-d-d-ance!" Unafraid, I quickly answered with an overly silly grin, "Mark, you never gave us any restrictions! You just asked what we wanted you to do! Golly!" Relief flowed across his face when the Pageant Coordinator rescued him saying, "Thank you Mark! I'll take it from here," in an amused tone...

God had given them great joy.
Nehemiah 12:43

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

My Pageant Speech

2010-11-06T11:10:00.001-07:00

A week later it was time to meet the judges and have our one-on-one interviews. The contestants all wore their Sunday best and Mark Eaton, number 53 of the Jazz basketball team was in our midst to help us with our speeches for the pageant.

As you've learned through this blog, I act like me, not allowing any reaction or snide comment to phase me outwardly. People I love and respect figured this out many years ago and have just come to accept me as I am. So if I never change for them, then why in the world would I comply to the outside world's views?

Right away I was excited because we were placed at different tables, which gave me a chance to get to know several other contestants more intimately (Awesome!).

After we ate breakfast (I had Michelle take her turn tasting...HA! HA! I got her back! LOL) it was time to start the interview process. During which Mark Eaton went from girl to girl reviewing what we wanted to tell others about us, which had to be done in two minutes. Here's my final draft:

One hot August day I awoke in a hospital bed with 3 stern doctors standing over me,...six months earlier I was dancing for a living, with no cares in the world. Not knowing what had happened, I glanced down, and saw my leg mangled beyond recognition, ravaged by the flesh eating virus. Doctors proclaimed; I would live my life as an invalid. At first I believed them, but eventually my tenacious spirit could not be held back by depression or the medical opinions of human beings. I decided that what counted in my life was what God and I thought was possible.

I wanted to be a good example for my children So I stepped out on faith and went back to college. I was scared, but God helped me through it. I proved to others and myself alike that; No matter the obstacles life puts in your way, YOU can accomplish anything you set your mind to do, with perseverance,…family… and God!

All this has helped me to realize that; I’m not disabled. I’m different-abled! I do things differently than others. I also found a new better me in the process. Someone who is unafraid to try new and unusual things. Someone more excepting. Someone more loving. Someone I could be proud of. Mostly someone my children and grandchildren can be proud of!…I am blessed and so are you!

When they called me for my first seven minute interview with the judges, I was nervous, but I prayed and put myself in God's hands...

Then even the bravest soldier, whose hearts is like the heart of a lion, will melt with fear, for all Israel knows that your Father is a fighter and that those with him are brave.
2nd Samuel 17:10

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

I'm One of Those People

2010-11-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

Three weeks before the pageant we, the contestants, met for the first time for orientation. There, even I, disabilities, medical problems and all was humbled by the awesome strength and determination that was displayed by all 13 contenders.

There was some with Cerebral Palsy, others who were Quadriplegics, had Down Syndrome and unknown disabilities. But the most amazing to me were two young sisters, ages 3 & 10 years old, with Spina Bifida. What was so amazing is the marvelous joy they exuded, which I believe was what kept their extremely giving family so strong. With just a tiny smile the whole room lit up and everyone fell totally in love, wanting to scoop them up and take them home.

After our meet and greet, they fed us a lunch with many new and exciting things to try.

Let me pause for moment and explain, we each brought a companion, mine being my wonderfully sweet and caring daughter-in-law, Michelle. Now, Michelle is a very picky eater, so...

She had me try every food, especially the more exotic looking stuff and then entertained herself by watching each of my responses (The Brat! LOL). As we ate they went over the game plan of events.

It was a blast! My most favorite memory of that day was the reactions I received from the others about not conforming to their ideas of a beauty pageant contestant, inner beauty or not, with my Mohawk and spirited attitude of: This is me! Take me as I am!...

I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people.
John Lennon

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Put Your Hope In God

2010-11-03T14:41:00.000-07:00

Today after after such a wonderfully, awesome time at the Ms. Wheelchair Utah Pageant my head is spinning with so many images and fun stories to tell. Once again I'm completely overwhelmed with God's awesome power and love for us all!

I guess the beginning is a good place to start (I'm so silly!)

As many of you know when I heard about this event I asked if you wonderful people thought I should compete and whether anyone had ideas how to go about finding the funds for my application fee. First I was gently reminded to pray for God's blessing and provision. Wow! Even after all the things I've been through I needed to be reminded of this!

Immediately I stopped what I had been doing, bowed my head and ask the Lord His opinion on the subject. As I looked up from my prayer your responses were instantaneous! From offering ideas of asking businesses to sponsor me to you donating money yourselves. Money started spilling in like sands of an hourglass and two days before the fee was due I had enough to apply.

Then it was time to worry about a pageant dress. I remembered to put it in God's hands this time and prayed (pat myself on the back LOL). Once more friends, family and businesses very generously contributed an abundance of money. Which allowed me to get a dress, accessories and makeup with your awesome help. Thank you all for allowing God to use you to help me with an experience of a lifetime...

Put your hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.
1 Timothy 6:17

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Reach Out and Touch Someone

2010-11-02T16:16:00.000-07:00

Hey blog fans Mer asked if I'd write today, as she is in Salt Lake City for the Ms. Wheelchair UT Competition. So exciting for her!

I have not joined in on the blog lately, because I was at a physical distance from Mer during much of this time, since she now lived in Utah and I was still in Washington state. I called as often as possible, sent as many care packages as I could afford and supported her with money if she had a need.

I know she was very lonely at times and some what depressed. I think the thing I'd like to say here isn't really a part of the story in any way, but so important to those who are in need. Be it physical, financial, emotional or spiritual.

We all need to reach out to one another in any way we can, ESPECIALLY TO FAMILY!
Giving time is one of the most important things we can do for people who are down on their luck. A phone call or a visit means all the world to them. If you can't do that, then send some homemade cookies, a personal note, some warm cozy socks, a movie or their favorite snack. Believe me just the little things, as you read with Mer's friend, Clarence, can brighten someones day.

Reaching out to others is just as good for each of us as it is for the one you are reaching out to.

I hope this suffices for today, may each of you be blessed!

Surely it is you who love the people; all the holy ones are in your hand. At your feet they all bow down and from you receive instruction.
Deuteronomy 33:3

Love You Mer

God Is SO Good!!!

2010-10-28T17:58:00.001-07:00

One-by-one as I delivered each present and Clarence's tree skirt became less visible, my excitement grew as much as his. If by chance there was a doubt in my mind that he was excited, it was quelled by the fact that he left proof under his tree in the form of badly re-wrapped gifts. I'd have to snicker every time I saw his attempted cover up job.

On Christmas Eve I waited until I knew he was asleep then secretly delivered his Santa present and stuffed stocking.

The next morning everyone on our hall was awoken by Clarence's thrilled, boisterous cry's of joy as he opened his gifts. He could not wait to show off his new things. He went door-to-door happily bragging about Santa's visit.

By the time Clarence reached my room at the opposite end of the hall he was physically worn out, but emotionally energized. Out of breath he exclaimed, "Merrym! Look at what God and Santa brought me! God is good!! Very very good!!!" I answered victoriously, "All the time, Bud! All the time!!!"

No one is good--except God alone.
Mark 10:18

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Secret Santa

2010-10-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

I needed to go shopping for presents for my children and grandchildren, so the day I arranged to do that I got Clarence his gifts also.

I started by getting his pickles and video poker game, from there I grabbed some small, fun, inexpensive gifts.

A package of silly straws, so he could enjoy meal times a bit more.
A pencil sharpener in the shape of a globe. He loved to write.
A squirt gun, so he could shoot people, getting his anger out without being verbally abusive to others.
Sugarless candy, a treat that would not effect his blood sugar.
Etc...

I wrapped them in the brightest colored Christmas paper I could find and 12 days before Christmas I began delivering them. I'd wait for his daily shower, then as soon as he left I'd sneak into his room and deposit one present at a time under his tree.

He'd come to the dinner table very excited. He'd just go on and on about each and every present! He was a totally different person than the angry, bitter man I had met six months earlier. Most of the things I got were nothing special, but to Clarence they were the world and he became happier daily. He told me, "All this makes me forget my problems and pain a bit. It brings back good memories and makes me feel like a child again!"

Thank you God for allowing me to see this wonderful transformation!

Who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Philippians 3:21

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Super Grandma

2010-10-25T18:52:00.000-07:00

Merrym is an excellent grandmother. In fact I think she is a better grandmother than many people, who are able-bodied. She has never allowed her disability to get in the way of spending time with her grandchildren:

She tends them and even gets one of them off to school when necessary.
She plays with them, teaching them to be creative as they pretend.
She helps them to make things, even Christmas presents.
She teaches them to cook, even if it is just the microwave or a bowl of cereal.
She teaches them to how to clean.
She helps them with academic learning.
She teaches them to respect people and have compassion, especially those who are different.
She teaches them about God and takes them to church with her.
She teaches them to pray.
She teaches them how to be polite.
She especially teaches them to have fun, whatever they are doing

As you can see, she is Super-Grandma in a wheelchair.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Love, Mother Hen Glory

It Is More Blessed To Give

2010-10-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

At meals I picked Clarence's brain for what he wanted Santa to bring him. His answer was simple, "Pickles and a handheld poker game." Easy!" I thought.

I had figured out how much money I needed for each of his requests and found I had more than enough with a bit left over.

Even though it was never spoken it was known by us both that this would be Clarence's last Christmas. I really wanted to make this Christmas the best I could for Clarence, a very memorable one. Underneath his 'beautiful' tree it was totally bare (uncalled for in my book). So I decided if I was efficient with my funds I could get him 12 presents. One for each of the 12 days of Christmas.

He also needed a Christmas stocking, but I wanted it to be a more personalized one than the regular store bought kind. Since I had to wait until I could get a ride to the store, I focused my attention on this task.

I went to the rec-room and gather some Felt, red and green beads, scissors and a glue gun, then went to work. With my unwilling, stroke affected, hands I cut and glued the materials with lots of frustration and love, until I had something that resembled a real stocking. Something I was extremely proud of...

It is more blessed to give than to receive.
Acts 20:35b

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

You Light Up My Life

2010-10-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

Clarence was so proud of his Christmas tree, he showed everyone, even the administrator. People that Clarence hadn't ever talked to on other halls were even talking about the tree and his enthusiasm over it.

Now because of his uncontrollable diabetes Clarence could not leave the nursing home except for doctor appointments and only if he was accompanied by licensed medical personnel. So when an activity of taking a drive to see the Christmas lights was offered, I casually mentioned it in our dinner conversation and his countenance abruptly changed. He said longingly, "I wish I could see the lights. It's been so long since I've seen any. I can hardly remember how beautiful they look. Oh, well! That's how my life goes."

As I wheeled down the hall to return to my room that night, there was a shadow of gloom hanging over my head and I started praying for a solution. By the time I entered my room God, as usual, was faithful and answered my prayer. He said, "Mer give him his own Christmas lights. That way he will have his own light show nightly."

The next Sunday my friend and I stopped to get Clarence a bunch of lights. When I got back from church I gathered together all the CNA's I could find to make this surprise possible.

It worked out perfect, because they had a scheduled shower they were giving him, so he would be out of his room just long enough for us to decorate. After he was safely out of sight we went to work stringing lights every which way, covering every wall. I turned them on and left, undiscovered.

As Clarence reached his door, noticing it ajar, complaints began to fly, until he saw a light and exclaimed, "What's going on?!" Then entering quickly he started jubilantly yelling, "Wow! Lights! My very own beautiful Christmas lights! Thank you God!"

Christmas joy crossed everyone's face that was in earshot...

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.
Deuteronomy 7:9

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Give God the Glory

2010-10-18T16:28:00.000-07:00

The first week in December I made a budget of my monthly 30 dollars and the money my sister, Ann and her husband sent me for my essentials. This way I knew how much I had to work with to make Clarence a nice Christmas.

I already knew the first thing Clarence needed was a tree. So on Sunday I asked my friend who took me to church to make a extra stop to the craft store on the way home. I grabbed a small fake tree and some decorations for it. I was so excited when I got back, that I tried to decorate it right then, but soon discovered a glue gun was required. I'd have to wait until the next day for the Recreational Therapist's to open their office, so I could borrow one. I quickly found out this was for the best, because the tree was out of sight of prying eye's, if I left it in the rec-room.

Decorating the tree is still quite vivid to me, a memory I'll never forget. I was making something special for a loved one and I got to spend one-on-one time with the Lord praying about everything, especially Clarence.

I decorated whenever I had time available between activities, so I could still hang out with my other friends. By now everyone who had gotten to know me, started looking out for me like parents. So if I didn't show up to my usual functions, they would send a search party for me, find out my secret and let it out.

Finally the day came to present him with the tree. I went to his room and asked him to follow me to the rec-room. He suspiciously agreed. When we entered the room and he saw the present with his name on it, his eyes lit up like the tree in the brightly wrapped box before him. He opened his package with all the excitement of a young child on Christmas morning. Thrill overtook him exclaiming,"A tree! My very own beautiful Christmas tree! Thank you Merrym!" I answered, "Your welcome, but God made it possible, Bud! Thank Him!" As he happily wheeled away, tree held high, he said loudly, "Thank you Lord!" This brought a joyous tear to my eyes...

Therefore in the east give glory to the LORD; exalt the name of the LORD, the God of Israel, in the islands of the sea.
Isaiah 24:15

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Oh Christams Tree! Oh Christmas Tree!

2010-10-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

Soon it was Christmas and me wonderful family started sending me gifts to keep my spirits up during my incarceration (LOL) at the nursing home. One particular thing Peg made sure I had was a tree.

On the day it arrived I was sitting by the front desk talking to/entertaining some other patients, including Clarence. A UPS worker entered with a 3ft-by-6in box and asked for Merrym Bruce. I said, "That's me!" He handed over the clipboard, so I could sign for the package. As I traded invoice for delivery my audience started voicing their thoughts, "I wonder what that might be?" "Open it! Open it!" etc.

Excitement overcame me and I tore open the box with exuberant, fervor. Inside was the cutest potted evergreen I could imagine. It was decorated already with lights, bulbs and a star. I loved it!

Everyone surrounding me exclaimed, "Oh! That's adorable!" Clarence chimed in with the others and added nonchalantly, "I wish I had a tree. I'm getting tired. I need to go lay down. See you at dinner." Then he turned and left.

Immediately I knew what I was to do next. Give the man who by now was like a brother to me, my awesome dinner companion, Clarence, a Christmas he would never forget...

But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind,
Luke 14:13

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

You CAN Teach An Old Dog New Tricks-Clarence III

2010-10-14T16:30:00.000-07:00

Eventually the dining table that had been reserved just for Clarence became 'Ours' mutually. He even started leaving his room more and coming to meals early just to hang out.

The other people were still very outspoken about Clarence's odor, saying, "Merrym, why are you sitting there? How can you stand that raunchy smell? Or that horrid personality? I knew you were a bit off kilter, but this is too much!" Clarence and I would try our best to ignore them or snap off a witty remark that quickly produced a hush from the mouthy party.

Later I would visit each person that had made a hurtful comment. With all the love God had afforded me I gave them a little lesson in perspective no matter their age. "Do you know Clarence can't help how he smells?" I'd ask. "You need to be more understanding! I'm sure you've said this to someone at some time in your life. Put yourself in his shoes. Treat people the way you want to be treated. God loves Clarence as much as He does you!"

Slowly, but gradually the others came around, apologizing to Clarence for the mistreatment they had heaped on him, which caused more of a turn-around in his personality. People began visiting with him to the point that a guest to the facility commented loudly, "Boy! That guy is very popular! I wouldn't mind being in the middle of that crowd." Clarence beamed with pride at what he had just heard...

But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.
Job 16:5

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

It Started With Pickles-Clarence II

2010-10-13T08:36:00.000-07:00

As I observed Clarence I began to notice he would only come out of his room to eat. This was just because facility rules dictated that everyone that was not bed-bound eat all meals together. The board of directors and medical staff had met and decided that this was the best idea for their patient's socialization and to ward off depression.

I told you yesterday, that Clarence was extremely self-conscious because of the rotting odor his body was producing and he was also verbally abusive to everyone. This combination caused all the other patients to back away from any contact with him. To get him to the dining-room, the staff had to guarantee him his own table as far away from others as possible.

At times I heard him angrily command the CNA's to go and see if the kitchen had pickles. If by chance it did and Clarence recieved what he called "My favorite food", his demeanor would instantly change to a little nicer person. But each time I saw Clarence I would smile, greeting him cheerfully, receiving the reception of a sneer and an angry growl. But I just pressed on, while God reassured me I was doing His will.

Suddenly I got an idea 'PICKLES!' I'd get a bottle of pickles just for him, so he could have one anytime he wanted and I'd replenish them when needed. When someone lives in a nursing home the allotted amount of money anyone on government assistant gets is 30 dollars a month, also my sister and brother-in-law sent some money to help buy essentials (shampoo, soap, etc..). I didn't get much, but I didn't care.

Every Sunday after I went to church I'd ask my ride to stop at the store. I bought pickles for him and tried to send them anonymously! It was a hit, but he would not let the staff have any peace until they revealed who the donor was. As they apologized to me for letting my secret out, they told me that an erasable smile crossed his pain weary face. One they'd never seen before.

As time progressed Clarence's bitter composure started to wear away. He began to smile and greet me quickly, before a sound could escape my lips. Then one day my newest friend asked me to sit at his table and eat with him. I gladly accepted...

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.
Psalm 14:10

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Clarence The Prequel

2010-10-11T16:11:00.000-07:00

As my confidence in who I had become grew, while staying at the nursing home, I began to observe the people around me. I wanted to help every one of my new friends in the ways each of them needed. There were many needs, one being Clarence.

Clarence was a 37 year old man with an extreme case of uncontrollable Diabetes. Most of you know that diabetes is a disease where the body has a difficult time breaking sugar down, so your system can process it into the blood as energy, by the use of insulin. If your body doesn't make enough insulin or if the insulin doesn't work the way it should, blood sugar can't get into your cells and instead it stays in your blood, raising your blood sugar. If too much sugar stays in your blood for a long time, it can damage blood vessels and nerves.

Clarence's insulin would decrease to the point of death, if the nurses did not monitor him hourly. His body would not produce insulin at all, which was causing damage to the point that it was rotting drastically. This produced a horrid smell. Other patients and staff complained about this odor, which made him radically self-conscious.

To protect himself from the hurt of rejection, he put up a wall of bitterness and spitefulness, that way no one wanted be around him. There was also an act from him of I don't care what you think of me.

I recognized the anger and smell. I could understood this lonely feeling from being in the LDS hospital, when I first got sick. That's when I knew what God would have me do.

I was to befriend Clarence, find the hurt inside. Then I was to try to be God's heart and hands for Him, by soothing Clarence's hurts and pain. Boy! What a wonderful honor God allowed me!...

But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.

Job 16:5

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Ace of Hearts

2010-10-09T16:29:00.000-07:00

Right off the bat, I want to apologize for writing a short post today. See my son, Ace works out of town. His schedule is usually two weeks of rigorous work and being on call 24/7. This is in Wyoming on an oil rig. To make ends meet, he takes any overtime that's offered. This is hard on his family, who don't get enough together time. Also when he's home we make plans for me to visit a couple times. I need my Ace-fix! This month he will only be home for four days, so I'm spending whatever time allotted me with my wonderful son and watching his children for him other times. This way he and Michelle can have a tiny bit of alone time.

This is my lame attempt at a segway back to Ace...

The other day Peg pointed out that I never told you what happened to him after his release from lock-up. Well, when he was freed from his confinement, he was an 18 years old adult. He was extremely angry at me and moved to Idaho to live with his dad. Ace did not talk to me for three years and I had no contact with him or his father.

BUT...years later, after his temper cooled down, I received MY son back, safe and sound.

Praise You God for fulfilling your wonderful promise and giving me the awesome man named Asab Allen Bruce as a friend and confidant!

So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Luke 15:20

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Martin

2010-10-07T16:37:00.000-07:00

I had quite a few great experiences from this time in my life. First I want you to know before my visit to the nursing home, even after people had judged me by their preconceived conceptions of disabled people, I, myself was still stereotyping people with differences. After all I wanted to be treated like I had a brain in my head, like my life mattered and I'd become furious when this didn't happen. But I wasn't practicing what I preached. Shame on me!

As my new outlook on life developed I was given a lesson in humility many times over.

Let me tell you about a dear friend of mine named, Martin. He was a 50 year old, scrawny, stand-offish, mentally-challenged man, with the intelligence of a 5 year old, that everyone shied away from. He couldn't talk, yet he let his opinion be known through body language and angry grunts. He was born this way and had lived most of his life institutionalized. He was not a danger to anyone and never thought of escaping, being wheelchair bound, so they allowed him to roam the halls freely.

I had seen Martin in the halls many times, but in my ignorance, I pretended he was invisible. But when God changed my attitude I actually saw this marvelous man. One day as he scooted past me, I smiled saying cheerfully,"Hi Martin!" He jumped in shock. With no fear he screamed angrily, "AAAAAAAAAAAA!" while he rolled away and disappeared. I continued daily greeting him as cordially as possible and got similar results, but God kept reassuring me persistence was the key

One time I saw him and tried again, "Hi Martin! How are you?" Expecting it more now, he stopped in the middle of the hall and looked at me questioningly. I went closer and asked, "Do you feel strong today? Show me your muscles,"as I showed him the sign for strong. He smiled shyly and mimicked my movement. Then I asked him for a hug. With a wary look on his face, he opened his scraggly arms slowly, allowing me to lean in and give him a slight pat on his back.

This became a ritual and over time he got used to me. After a while, EVERY time he'd see me in the halls Martin would make a beeline my way with outstretched arms and a huge smile on his sweet face.

After a while, I taught him about a dozen signs. His favorite being cookie, which he used constantly. Soon people started communicating with Martin and he loved making others laugh, by showing off his muscles with a happy gleam in his eye, as they learned to ask to see them.

I was eyes to the blind and feet to the lame.
Job 29:15

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

...And The Joy Grows Daily

2010-10-06T15:33:00.000-07:00

After a joyous breakfast, I made my way to the Recreational Therapy Office to volunteer my time to whatever they needed help with. Shock crossed the therapist's faces and they began to stutter, "Y-y-y-ou w-w-ant to do what?" "I want to help you with any and everything you need help doing," I answered.

It took a week for these frantic, yet thankful women to compile a tiny list. I think it was hard for them to believe an able-bodied person, let alone someone different-abled, would want to relieve them of some of their rigorous duties. It took a lot of coaxing for me to reassure them I was for real and that I wanted (NO NEEDED) a bigger list. Finally they complied one and I was allowed to start my new assignments.

I visited people that never got visits, kept lonely people company, directed lost people where things were located, ran after-hours games, cheered people on in contests, read to the mentally disabled and bed-bound, helped the confused to play bingo and became a sounding board for others.

After about two weeks of this, the administrator called me to his office. Flashbacks of my school days crossed my mind and I was sure I was in trouble. Slinking into the room, with my head bowed, I prepared for my usual tongue lashing. It never came!

Standing and grinning broadly, as I came in the room, the administrator said, "Merrym, I've been watching you lately and I want to thank you for your exuberance. The people in this facility, staff included, are in the highest spirits I've seen since I started here fifteen years ago. It started with you and the joy grows daily. I would like to offer you an official volunteer job as the 'Facility Welcomer'. With your personality anyone who comes in contact with you will feel at ease and they'll have a friend right away. Please consider this?" Without a second thought I agreed. The next week I received a staff name tag with my name and title on it. (So cool!)

During my stay at my home away from home, I was rewarded many times for my volunteer work. I was in the newspaper, got an award for my giving freely and made many new friends in everyone. But the best reward was seeing my wonderful co-patients become more energetic, more outgoing and happier...

A man finds joy in giving!
Proverbs 15:23

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

By The Time I Get Done Crying I'll Be Laughing

2010-10-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

By the time I had finished crying and turned around to go to my 'Semi-Private' room (Ha Ha!) a crowd of concerned people had surrounded me. Only then did I see through God's eyes, what had been before me all along, wonderful, vivacious people. Not just another thing I needed to put up with and endure, but wise and caring, people I could learn from.

I gave them a weak smile, which was all I could muster, thanking each and everyone of my new friends for their concern. They returned my smile with absolute, genuine love, which warmed my soul and at that moment my heart felt as though it was going to explode with happiness. Don't get me wrong I still didn't like my situation, but I received a fresh, vigorous strength that encouraged me to handle this recent setback.

As I said my prayers that night I included everyone of those smiling faces, asking God to bless them and praising Him for this new awesome step in my life.

I awoke the next morning with a plan to get involved in every activity and to become more helpful to any and everyone who needed it, even if it brought me out of my comfort zone.

My day began with boisterous greetings of "Good morning!" to anyone who entered my path. This brought an overabundance of double-takes from others not believing the transformation from 'Mopey-Merrym' to 'Exuberant-Merrym', that had happened overnight. This brought forth clamorous, vociferous laughter to my mouth causing more double-takes...

I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile,
Job 9:27

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Bureaucracy

2010-10-02T16:50:00.000-07:00

The nursing home I was placed in was located in an old hospital building that had been built in the 1920's. Back in that time the standards for building regulations did not include what we call 'Personal Space', let alone room to maneuver a wheelchair.

Needless to say when I moved in, there was absolutely NO privacy, because there were two occupants per each 6ft.-9ft. room. I was extremely upset about this and was not shy about letting everyone I came in contact with know how I felt. Remember, I'm very obstinate at times and I know God made me this way so that when life got hard I wouldn't just give up.

The thing is I need to be reminded of this, even now. So as I whined, griped under my breath and complained loudly, many people tried their best to console me. "I know it's hard, but it'll only be for ninety days. You can handle that. Can't you?" was the usual response. After hearing this for a while I decided that they were right. I quit moaning and groaning quite as often and started the count down to my release into an assisted living facility with my very own room. Hallelujah!

When I had endured the nursing home with everyone knowing my business for 75 days I went to visit the social worker to get the ball rolling on departure. As I entered her office a look of concern overshadowed her face and she said, "I've been dreading this conversation. See I found out a few days ago that the government is revamping the assisted living program and it will take quite a while. Meaning you have to wait here indefinitely while they complete this, before you can even consider leaving. I'm very sorry!"

I'm sure you could see flames shooting out head I was so mad. I screamed, "What?! Why me, AGAIN?!" I wheeled out of the office in tears, looking for a little privacy and remembered there was none to be found. I rolled face first into a corner and bawled as softly as I could...

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

1 Peter 1:6

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

One Pill, Two Pill, Three Pill, More?

2010-10-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

I lived by myself at that address for two years, there were no major illnesses at that time to speak of. But lurking underneath my healthy facade was an extremely big problem.

You see I was in so much pain that all I was able to do was lay in the fetal position, cradling my amputated leg, rocking back-n-forth, and crying. My regular doctor referred me to a 'Pain Specialist', who prescribed the highest doses of pain killers and anxiety medicine that my body could possibly take without causing me to overdose. They figured this out by measuring my height and weight/body mass, then comparing this to how and at what rate each med disperses.

The problem was after I took the amount prescribed, the pain faded only a tiny bit, but I also became very loopy. I know your thinking, "Of course!" The thing is I was still in a lot of pain and I couldn't remember whether or not I had already taken my meds. Since I was in pain, in my drugged state I'd take more and more, thus causing an overdose. I was rushed to the hospital being close to death and had to spend a few days there detoxing.

After this happened a few times, Glory and I decided assisted living was the thing for me. This way I'd get the medical supervision I so desperately needed and she'd get the peace of mind she so desperately needed.

When I looked into getting on the assisted living program, we found out there was an assessment and waiting period. The regulations stated that it was to be for ninety days in a nursing home. BLEK! I didn't like it, but knew it was necessary and it was all a part of God's plan. One thing I requested was to be placed in the nursing home where I had been before...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Child-Like Faith

2010-09-30T09:39:00.000-07:00

Examples come in all shapes, sizes and ages.

When I was well enough to leave the nursing home, Glory had arranged for me to move into an apartment by myself. She had already got my stuff into it and had prepared a path through the boxes for me to get around. She knew me well enough to know I would want to unpack the boxes myself.

That first night Glory was hesitant to leave me all by myself, but she made sure I had the phone numbers I needed and that I carried my cordless phone where ever I went. All was going well when I went into the bathroom, stood up and lost my balance. I grabbed for the grab-bar to steady myself and it just slid out of the wall. Sitting on the floor in all my glory I praised the Lord for my sister's insight to carry the phone with me and I called her. Glory came to my rescue with her husband in tow for help. They looked at the grab-bar and saw that it had not been put in properly and didn't have any supports to hold it in place. The next morning Glory called and gave them a lecture, informing them that they were lucky that it was our family that this happened to, because anyone else might have sued them. This got them on top of it right away mounting it with extra support.

I fell many times while I lived there and waited patiently to be rescued. It never occurred to me to try to get up by myself.

Until...

I watched my granddaughter, Brittanie, so Courtney could work a job. As Brittanie got older I got a lesson in child-like faith, that I try and refer to, to this day.

Brittanie ran around and played with reckless abandon. But when there was something she couldn't accomplish (dressing a Barbie, putting a puzzle together or grabbing something out of her reach) she'd come directly to me. There was no doubt in her pretty little mind I could do what needed done. Frustration came over me many times, but it was washed away when I'd glance down into those beautiful, innocent, blue eyes that had all confidence in me, so I'd try and try. I did not want to disappoint her. Finally after lots of struggle I'd get the job accomplished.

After a while that faith in me, rubbed off and eventually I taught myself how to get up when I fell. I praise God for the wonderful example He gave me in that 18 month old little girl.

I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
Mark 10:15

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Definitions Through the Ages

2010-09-28T15:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what the term Handicap is derived from and why the people we refer to as this term abhor it?

The word handicap came from 'cap in hand' and referred to the physically disabled's need to subsist as beggars in times past.

As a different-abled person who's been in this situation for 20 years, I, myself just learned this from one of my mentors two weeks ago. We were at a 'Community Awareness for Disability' function in an outdoor setting. I needed to use the bathroom and approached this wise man, saying, "Do they have handicap bathrooms here?" Andy quickly and firmly said, "No! But there are 'Accessible' restrooms just over the bridge." I was a bit stunned answering,"Huh?" He sweetly explained, "After 'World War I' as the injured soldiers came home, the only way society would allow them to provide for themselves and their families was to beg. They would sit outside businesses, holding the caps off of their heads in hand, pleading for money. Thus the term 'Handicap' was coined. We are not beggars, right?" asked Andy. "Wow!" I exclaimed.

Disabled is another term that is better, but not favored by many.

Breaking down the word might give us insight into 'Why?' Dis means negation, reversal or opposite; Able means having inherent physical or mental ability or capacity, having the necessary means or skill or know-how or authority to do something; able to learn. Put them together and Disabled means-opposite of doing or learning. My personal definition is someone who gives up or is just plain lazy and doesn't try to accomplish anything.

There are many people who by choice are 'Disabled'/Non-learning, Non-doing individuals. Remember, just because someone does things differently does not make them 'Disabled'.

My family has come up with a complimentary term for people who give life their all and I'm proud to be one. It's Different-abled, accomplishing things differently than the usual.

This has been rummaging around in my mind since then and I felt the need to share this in hopes of us understanding more about each other.

But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind
Luke 14:13

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Essay for the Ms. Wheelchair Utah Pageant

2010-09-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

In the summer of 1991 I became disabled. My leg was mangled beyond recognition and doctors had, in no uncertain words, proclaimed; that I would live my life as an invalid not able to take care of myself. At first I believed them, but eventually my tenacious spirit could not be held back by depression and the medical opinions of human beings. I decided that what counted in my life was what God and I thought was possible.

I wanted to be a good example for my children and show them that they can persevere no matter the trials that come your way. So I stepped out on faith and went back to college. I was scared, but I knew I had to do this for me and my kids. My friends and family encouraged me. Though like me they were wondering if this really was something I could handle, mentally and/or physically.

Determination became my constant companion. If I was told I could not accomplish something, that it was impossible, this just made me set my mind to succeed just a little bit more each time. It was a struggle. I had to go out of my comfort zone to ask for help and give some in return. I proved to professors, students and myself alike that different-abled people are intelligent, that they can and do contribute to their communities. I graduated with a 3.5 grade point average and WALKED for my diploma with the help of my son. Then I took a wonderful job that was offered to me right away as a counselor at The Boys and Girls Club. It was my dream job, because I was allowed to teach and model for kids, especially some underprivileged kids, what had by then become my motto: No matter the obstacles life puts in your way, YOU can accomplish anything you set your mind to do, with perseverance, family and God! These children became part of my heart.

I then became so ill my leg was amputated and once again, I was told I’d never be able to care for myself. I was placed in a nursing home for two and a half years. I did my best to stay positive and am now living independently. I help my daughter by taking care of her two kids, my grand kids, so she can work and provide for them.

All this has helped me to realize that; I’m not disabled. I’m diff-abled! Meaning different-abled or doing things in a different way than most people. I also found a new and better me in the process. Someone who is unafraid to try new and unusual things. Someone more excepting. Someone more loving. Someone I could be proud of. Mostly someone my children and grandchildren could be proud of!

The Lord is my strength and my song;
Exodus 15:2

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Virginia

2010-09-23T12:47:00.000-07:00

This was a creative writing paper I wrote a while back that fits into the story at this point; I will preface this story with; nothing in my life is easy, everything is a trial for me. God allows my life to be this way, so that I will lean on Him and His mighty power in every aspect of my life, and I praise Him for this fact. Reminding me He’s always there, through others faith, even when my own is small.

She walks with grace, effervescence and authority. This full-figured, voluptuous, beauty with wavy blonde hair and intense blue eyes is one of the many nurses at the nursing facility I “vacationed” at. Being 39 years old and having to go to a nursing facility made me absolutely bitter. So, she, being the first person I met, I had already vowed (sight unseen) to dislike her. She was kind and understanding, allowing me to vent all my frustrations on her. Over the next 3 weeks she had won me over, I was a die-hard Virginia fan. She was A-number-1 in my book.
I was in the nursing facility, because I needed I.V. antibiotics in my system twice daily, through what medical personnel call a pick-line (which is an I.V. tube that runs directly to my heart). Put there in hopes of arresting an infection I had contracted in my bone, which could cause a total amputation of my right leg (3/4's had already been amputated due to a similar thing happening, after some major trauma had already done its damage) or, even causing death. Virginia was the nurse who “lucked out” and got the privilege of hooking me to the I.V. machine. Hooking me to the machine was a pain in the butt for many reasons; 1) the antibiotics didn’t always come on time, 2) the I.V. machine gave everyone problems, and 3) if the medicine was late, that meant the nurse who hooked me to the machine would need to wait until my meds were done being dispersed, so a qualified individual (meaning the same nurse, who hooked me up) could take me off the machine, thus causing that nurse to be late going home. Through it all, she just kept that same grace and compassion, that makes Virginia, who she is.
One day in particular she had orders from the doctor to take my blood at two different times, before my antibiotics and an hour after my antibiotics. As I said in my opening, nothing in my life is easy. After 14 years of my veins being poked and jabbed causing immeasurable stress and shock to my body (especially my veins), my veins have learned to fight back. They will hide from, roll out from underneath of, and/or shock the person holding the needle.
Virginia heard the horror stories, from me and quite a few other nurses about my veins, so she had prepared herself. She had decided to put another I.V. in the other arm, so it would only take one stick to draw blood twice. Preparing the area she was to stick there was a look of concern on her face, for the fact, that she did not want to cause me any more trauma than was necessary, physically or emotionally. Poking the needle in she felt resistance, which I felt automatically and immediately I started praying out-loud, quite emphatically and resounding, in fact (I‘ve never been accused of being quiet LOL). A flash of shock shown on her face (I don’t think she had a patient so boldly or loudly pray like this). But what came next gave her more of a shock, as I prayed unafraid, the needle went in with ease. With a bit of relief on her face, she taped the second I.V. down and drew the first blood, then her focus went to the other arm.
Having to hook me to the I.V. machine that would pump the antibiotic into my arm. Thinking of the trouble just moments before the concern crept slowly back onto her face, as the machine started giving her fits, not wanting to pump, and beeping at her repetitiously. Without even thinking about it, I was again praying loudly, which shocked her a little less this time, being more prepared for this. At the moment I started praying, the machine stopped acting off and went about it’s business, as though there was never a problem. The look of concern slowly melted off her face, and she walked to the door. "Thanks for the prayer,” she said as she flowed out the door in her hot pink scrubs with animals of all sorts applying bandages, every which way.

A week later, it was Virginia again, who had the orders to pull my pick-line (I.V.) from my arm. She hesitated much of the day, putting it off, so she would have the I.V. specialist at the facility to call on if needed. Not understanding this, until now when I look back, I kept nagging her to take it out. Finally, when I had became unbearably obnoxious (in all my “manners” of persuasion), to appease me, she gave in to my demands. She graciously had me go to my room, while she gathered up the needed equipment. Cascading into my room in her usual affable style, she laid out the medical equipment in an orderly manner on the table beside her. Then she had me lie down on my bed to put me and all my muscles at ease. She began loosening the tape in the area around the pick-line, in her ”Virginia” way, being conscious as always of her patient’s needs, making sure that I was comfortable and not tensed. After my arm was free of tape, she then started pulling the tubing out of my system. It was half way out and she felt it snag, It was caught inside my vein, stuck at my shoulder curve, I could feel it, causing me minimal discomfort. She immediately called the I.V. specialist, through the nurse button, never leaving my side. It took a few minutes, but Virginia was calm through it all, keeping her poise and her patient calm (Me) , explaining that if she just pulled it might cause damage to my system.
The I.V. specialist walked in the door asking Virginia what the trouble was. Explaining calmly she then asked for instructions about what to do. Hot compresses were applied hoping that the heat would help relax whatever was holding it in place. That did not work. A bit of anger grew in me, listening to the specialist say that for the 15 years that she had been an I.V. specialist, this had only happened once and it was easily solved with hot compresses. The next suggestion was to call the hospital and ask them what to do. This would take a while, so Virginia rolled up the tubing hanging from my arm and taped it to my arm once again.
I waited as patiently as “I” could, it was three hours later when I got the scoop on what we were to do. “We have a list of five things we need to try, before we have to send you to the hospital. The hospital will be our last ditch effort,” Virginia said in her most congenial tone. “No,“ I said, abruptly, “we have six things to try. Number one is to pray.“
Our journey started with drinking hot liquids, while in a hot shower hoping that the water would massage my shoulder, loosening where the tube was caught. Also, Virginia was to hang a syringe full of water from the tubing in hopes of weighing down the tube so it might slide out on its own. By this time, I was steaming mad, mumbling under my breathe about how nothing can ever go the easy way for me and resigning myself to go to the hospital for approximately the 100th time in my life. I got all ready for my shower, sending my nurses aide for some cocoa.
Sitting in that stark pink shower room, that smelled of antiseptic and human feces, I was still fuming mad. Once again, Virginia cascaded in, in her usual elegance and poise, bringing with her a cup of cocoa and the syringe full of water. She explained that the syringe has warm water in it and she is going to flush the tubing with it before I start my shower. Looking me in the eye she said, “Did you want to pray?” In my frustration I was praying, but only half-heartedly and when she said this it startled me back to reality that, 'the Lord’s in charge.' Answering her I said, “I’ve already prayed, but I’d like to pray with you.” We bowed our heads and prayed out-loud, together this time. Shocking the aide as she walked in, not only with me sitting there in all my glory, this she expected, but to enter a shower room with vociferous praying and heads bowed. The aide bowed her head in respect and joined our strange, little prayer circle. When the praying ceased the aide left the room. Virginia flushed the warm water through the tubing and it slid out of my arm.
I started boisterously praising the Lord, while Virginia with a grin as big as the Cheshire cat, put pressure on the hole and taped a bandage on it
In my exhilaration, I just went back to the wild, outspoken, jokester that the nursing facility had gotten to know, and went to the dining room to tease all the nurses aides, not letting my concerned family know what had happened.
Fifteen minutes later, a call was taken at the nurses station for me, it was my attentive sister, Glory trying to find out what was happening. When I was satisfied that I had razzed the aides enough I headed back to my room. Passing the nurses station on my way, Virginia told me my sister had called and I should call her back. When I got to my room I nonchalantly called Glory thinking I would be the bearer of the good news. She answered the phone finding me on the other end she said, “I heard you got the tubing out of your arm. Virginia said it was achieved with warm water and prayer, and she knows it was the prayer.” I sat there stunned, not truly realizing until that moment God does answer MY prayers and how much He cares for this wild, rollicking jokester.

Thank you Lord for loving each and everyone of us, no matter how little our faith can be sometimes.

Pray without ceasing.
1 Thessalonians 5:17

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

You Really Can't Judge a Book By It's Cover

2010-09-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

The next day before I went to see my dad I checked out the activities that were being offered. I discovered there was a Bingo game scheduled, so I made a plan to have my daily visit based around that time.

I went to the Alzheimer's unit early. I made arrangements to check my dad out and take him to the cafeteria to join in this function together. It was good I was early because the staff wasn't prepared for him to go anywhere. After all so few of their patients ever left the unit. While I waited, it became time for shift-change and new staff members started working. When my dad was ready to leave, we made our way to the exit and a CNA who hadn't met me yet stopped us. I asked "Could you please unlock the door? We're going to go play Bingo." He looked up and down the hall, searching for something unknown to me, then calmly said, "Who's the responsible party?" I rolled my eyes in frustration and answered, "Me! I know I look and sound like your patients, but I'm here visiting my dad from unit B, the short-stay unit. Ask the nurse if you want." He turned with a quizzical look at the nurse and she nodded her head in agreement. Embarrassment redden his face, he opened the door quick as a wink and exclaimed, "I'm sorry! I shouldn't judge a book by its cover."

That point was driven home during each and every visit with the knowledgeable man I knew as my father. Despite the vacant stare that frequently overcame those wise eyes of his. When we went to sing-a-longs he knew every word, his mind was aware enough to comfort me when I was down and that quick-wit of his was there at the right moments to make many people laugh. But most important of all, he never forgot whether or not we had our daily Bible reading! Wow God!

My word that goes out from my mouth will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Isaiah 55:11

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

God's Gift

2010-09-20T13:21:00.000-07:00

Let's get back to my nursing home experience with my dad, Dave Adams, which I know God had given each of us, as a wonderful gift.

He had Alzheimer's and I had heard many stories of his failing memory. So when I arrived at the facility and went to visit him, I expected him not to know who I was. But as I entered the Alzheimer's unit he looked at the door, as all these type of patients do and a glimmer of recognition came to his eyes. He exclaimed, "Merrym?!" This brought tears of happiness to my eyes. I quickly explained that I was also staying there and I'd be by daily to see him. He became excited and jumped for joy in his wheelchair. At this first visit I stayed for quite a while, but became tired faster than I expected, due to my infection. We said our goodbyes and as I left I reminded him I'd be back the next day, even though I knew he would forget.

The next day came and after all my medical procedures, I slowly, yet exhaustedly made my way to his unit. I wondered all the while, how long I'd be able to stay, because I tired so easily. But once again I entered and the sight and sound that came to my senses brought a renewed energy to my drained form. My dad was sitting right inside the door with a gigantic grin on his wonderfully, etched face and cried out in delight, "Yeah! It's Merrym! Hey everyone, it's my youngest daughter! I knew you'd make it!"

We went into the visiting area and I said, "You get to choose what we do first today. The choices are watch TV, have a father-daughter talk or I can read from the Bible to you." Now my dad was a relatively new Christian, so I was overjoyed with his answer. Before I could finish he interrupted,"The Bible! Let's read God's word!"...

The word of the Lord came to me:

Ezekiel 21:1

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Phantoms

2010-09-18T16:57:00.000-07:00

I reserved today for the question and answer session that I had after my talk at The Boys and Girls Club, specifically so I could go into detail, thinking maybe you might have similar questions. I would love to answer those questions. If there's something you would like me to go in more depth about, feel free to ask. It's more than likely everyone will be interested.

How did they remove my leg?

They had to cut through the tissue and muscle to reach the bone. Then they used a bone saw to sever the bad from the good and remove it

What did they do with my leg after the surgery was over?

It was badly infected and contagious, so the Hazardous Material Team incinerated it. This was to make sure that the MRSA bacteria would not invade anyone else's body.

What is Phantom pain?

Phantom pain is pain that feels like it's coming from a body part thats' no longer there. There is also a Phantom itch. These are called Phantom sensations. Your nerve endings have been severed, but they still send signals to your brain as though everything is intact.

Are these Phantom sensations real?

Phantom sensations are very real. In fact 80% of amputees experience this sometime in their lives.

Do I experience these sensations?

Yes! I have constant Phantom pain. I also have the Phantom itching. Neither can really be relieved.

What does Phantom pain feel like?

For me it feels like my leg is on fire, while a steam roller is parked on it. My big toe feels as though it has a steady pounding of blood flowing into it, giving me the sensation that it will explode. This is excrutiating!

To this day there are times when I feel my leg itching or in pain and I reach to scratch or soothe it. It is a weird feeling, realizing that your brain can easily forget something so traumatic. Even now, seven years after the amputation, the Phantom sensations have not subsided. If anything, they have gotten worse, keeping me from functioning at times.

Night pierces my bones; my gnawing pains never rest.

Job 30:17

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

PS If you're interested in seeing an amputation surgery here's an excellent site to go to: Medicalive.net/316_above_knee_amputation,surgical_operation

They Chanted, "Merrym! Merrym!"

2010-09-16T13:28:00.001-07:00

Before I got the OK to go back to work, I received a phone call from my boss at The Boys and Girls Club. He said, "I don't mean to interrupt you while your on the mend, but the kids are asking about you. I was thinking, if you felt like it, that you could please come visit them for half an hour. This would put all of their worries and questions to rest. I know I'm asking a lot, but your public is getting impatient."

I was so excited and answered, "Of course! I could tell them what happened to me and why. Then we can do a question and answer session, OK? Let the kids know before I come, so they all can be there. I want to see each of their beautiful, shining faces." We got all the details set up and I waited ever so impatiently to go.

Finally the day came and Courtney went with me in case I needed help. My boss told me there was a record number of kids there that day. I could tell! The cafeteria was packed from corner-to-corner with grinning children and staff.

As I entered I felt an excitement that was like electricity. My beautiful kids gave me a standing ovation (ironic as that was) and chanted, "Merrym! Merrym!" My heart burst with happiness, as a long line of children gave me hugs, with humongous smiles on their faces.

When the greetings were over and the crowd was hushed, I explained, what I thought was in detail, about the amputation and then opened it up for questions...

They send forth their children as a flock; their little ones dance about.

Job 21:11

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Mind Jolts

2010-09-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

Because of all the feelings and emotions that I've stuffed over these last excruciatingly painful 20 years sometimes it takes a few jolts to my memory to remember them.

Today I ran into one of my students from The Boys and Girls Club. I didn't recognize him, but he knew me right away. Some people have commented after meeting me, "I'm very unforgettable!" It may be that I dress crazy or that my hair changes with my mood. It could be my slurred speech or the wheelchair. Only God knows 'Why?' I truly love it when people from my past jog my memory, especially when the memories are good.

After I graduated from college, The Boys and Girls Club offered me a job as a counselor. I jumped at the opportunity to be with those wonderful kids whom I had a mutual respect and love for and with. After all I had finally gained their trust and would have kept volunteering, no money involved, just to be with them.

But if you recall six months after I graduated I became so ill and had to have my leg amputated. Glory had informed my boss of this fact and that I may not be able to return. A couple days after the quarantine was lifted my boss and co-workers bounced in my hospital room with an amazing banner in tow. The banner was comprised of a 3 ft-3 ft piece of butcher paper and lots of brilliant colored lettering. It said: GET WELL SOON! I know nothing out of the normal. But the fantastic thing on that banner was a message from each of the students of how they couldn't wait for my return and to be in their midst. Every inch of it was covered with God's awesome love for me!

Then to top it off, while they taped it to the wall closest to me so I could read all those words of love, my boss said, "Your job and the kids will be waiting for you, when and if you choose to return. We all hope to see you soon!"...

Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever.

Psalm 136:2

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Courtney Where Are You?!

2010-09-13T08:18:00.001-07:00

Peg has pointed out to me that you may have been wondering what was happening with my daughter during my quarantine, amputation, hospitalization and nursing home stay. After all she was a 17 year old minor in my custody.

We had gone through many of my near-death experiences in her short life-span, so without saying, it was a known fact that she would stay with Glory. But there was a change the particular summer of the quarantine and hospitalization. She was old enough to stay alone with Glory checking in on her from time-to-time. But Courtney had also expressed an emotional need to be with me as much as possible, seeing how close I was to death and also knowing how much medical facilities scare me. My home was on a bus route making this a possibility. So she stayed there during the night, but was at the hospital daily from the beginning of visitor hours until the end.

Six months later when I was placed in the nursing home for a month, Glory and my doctor thought it best to have me move into an apartment that was easier for me to keep clean, so to avoid a possibility of falling or getting sick from germs. Since Courtney was one month away from being a legal adult and truly in need of her own identity, she and Brittanie moved in with Courtney's soon to be sister-in-law and once again visited me daily for a couple hours.

My family always made sure she was physically and financially OK every time I was unable to provide for her.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Psalm 68:5

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

And God Bless Us Everyone!

2010-09-10T14:29:00.000-07:00

So, I told Mer I felt the need to write about this period of time in her story. The thing is I wasn't present during any of it. I couldn't be, which has brought guilt into my heart.

I was divorced at the time and had to provide for myself and the kids when they were with me. I'm pretty sure, thinking back, that I was a personal nanny at the time and didn't get benefits or time off. If I left my job I most likely would have been replaced in the blink of an eye. I knew that Mom, Glory, Ann and Karen could and would handle the situation the best way possible. Mer and I kept in touch by phone almost daily, (remember this was before the average Joe could afford a cell phone). My hopes, prayers and thoughts were on Merrym every moment I wasn't busy and usually on her when I was busy, too. Mer as usual was such an emotional strong arm, that she seemed to be more of a support for the rest of us, than we were for her. I remember calling her after the amputation and speaking with the drug induced, garbled up Mer. She was chipper and as silly as ever.

One day when she had signed back into lucidity and had a short amount of physical therapy, she told me that God had a new assignment for her. "Tell me about it Mer" I responded. "So, there's this older gentleman in the physical therapy unit that has also just lost his leg" she told me in a peppy chant. "He seems to be depressed and in big time need of some extra encouragement when he's doing therapy," I nodded at her. "I'm going to be his cheerleader!" she announced. "God wants him to know, that if I can get through all the crud I've had to deal with, that he most certainly can too!" She beamed like the man on the moon. My sister! What a woman! What a human being!

Oh and Glory's right, our family is far from perfect! We have miles to go! Issues! Issues! Issues! We all have them. Mix those with the stress of each situation we've been through with Mer and you get Trouble! Trouble I say! Right here in Ogden Utah! We boil over once in a while. It's just sad when we take our frustrations out on the wrong people. But then again we are human.

I hope that each and every one of you reading this blog right now, would stop and say a prayer for our family as a whole. We definitely need it. It's been a long, rocky, hard, on going road for us all. Thank you! And God bless us everyone!

This verse is one we all need real work on!
Do everything without complaining or arguing.
Philippians 2:14

Love You Mer

Not The Perfect Family? WHAT?!

2010-09-09T14:59:00.000-07:00

After reading the blog for several months, some of you may think that our family is the perfect family. It may look like we are all 'johnny-on-the-spot' and agreeing on everything that pertains to Merrym. Well, I am here to tell you that this is far from true. Merrym's amputation brings to memory one of those times that the friction was definitely strong.

Merrym explained how she had signed papers to have her leg amputated above the wound. As you know the doctor apparently felt he just couldn't do this, because of his past experience. He had been a military doctor, where he had done many amputations on our honorable soldiers. I questioned him after the surgery about his change of mind on how much should have been amputated. He explained that he knew that if her leg was too short, it would throw off her balance, especially while sitting. I told him that we were not happy that he had waited until Merrym was just about to go through the surgical room door to have her sign a different contract. I explained that I was her Power of Attorney and that I should have been consulted!

I felt that I had done all that could be done since the surgery was already over, but one of my sister's was extremely angry. She was berating me in the hallway of the hospital, because she didn't think I had done anything to rectify the situation. I asked her, "What do you want? Do you want me to make him take her back in right now and operate again? He explained to me that he had done what he thought was best, based upon his experience." She has a tendency to be very verbal and she wanted to talk to the doctor, herself. She had already called him a few choice names as she talked to me. Since I was 'in charge' due to the fact that I had POA, I told her she couldn't talk to him. I felt we needed a doctor, who was going to look after Merrym, not an annoyed doctor, who might not have her best interest in mind.

This caused a real problem and we barely talked to each other for the remainder of the time she was in Utah. This was not hard since she didn't really spend much time at the hospital. She left the day before Merrym got out of the hospital.

How painful are honest words! But what do your arguments prove?

Job 6:25

Love, Mother Hen Glory

We 2 Shall Meet

2010-09-07T14:17:00.000-07:00

Needless to say since the infected wound was not removed with the amputation, six months after I left the hospital I was right back in the same capsizing boat. With the exception that we had caught it sooner this time. The surgeon had to take some more of my leg off, which just so happened to be the amount exactly above the rotting tissue that I previously tried to have amputated. Imagine That?!

The infection had moved further up the bone, but the doctor was sure they could arrest it with a new more powerful antibiotic that was now available. The problem was I needed to receive this intravenously, twice a day, for a month and have constant supervision to make sure the infection didn't relapse again. I also needed licensed medical personnel to assess me on whether I could still live on my own at the end of all this torture. We had a problem. Where was all this going to be possible?

God had a plan, not just for me but for another family member.

Before the first amputation my step-dad, the only husband of my mother's who treated me and my siblings like a Godly-Father should, the one man I considered worthy of being called 'My Dad' had gotten very ill, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and had to be placed in a nursing home.

My mother was aging and was dedicated to visiting Dave for long periods of time. This became extremely draining on her. I also knew being that hospitals had become my second home, how frightening it was to be alone in a medical facility and how fear of the unknown crept up on you in times of solace. I was going to do anything to alleviate 'My Dad' of these terrors.

At this point we weren't sure how long he had left, so everyday I would make the trek by bus and my manual wheelchair of fifteen miles to visit him. But eventually it became an impossibility due to the weather and my bad health. I still worried about him and wanted to spend time with him.

God's awesome plan was for me to be placed in the same nursing home as 'My Dad' so I could visit him as much as I wanted. Yahoo!

While I recovered and went through the antibiotic treatment Dave and I got together to play bingo, have father-daughter talks, go to sing-a-longs where I held 'My Daddy's' hand and read the Bible together. I believe God allowed me this time so that I could spend one-on-one, quality time with this 'Awesome Example of a Father' before God took Dave Adams to spend eternity with Him. Thank you Lord for this wonderful man.

I love you Dad/Daddy/Father! I truly appreciate the time we had together and will have again in heaven.

In everything he followed the example of his father Joash.

2 Kings 14:3

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Shark Tank

2010-09-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

In another post Glory described my Orthopedic Surgeon as having a personality of a barracuda. In my opinion that is putting it lightly. He was more like a Hammerhead shark.

Let me explain; Hammerheads are strange looking, swim in schools that circle and manipulate their prey.

This man was definitely odd in appearance. He had a shiny, bald, oblong shaped head with glasses that would be considered old-timey spectacles; a tall, yet scrawny build without no bedside manner and; a extremely uncharismatic personality. He reminded me of Igor in the Frankenstein movies.

When my family and I discussed my amputation and the point where my leg was to be taken off, we all agreed the best thing would be to remove it right above the huge open wound that was the site of the infection. This was approximately four inches above the knee. I could not let my fear take over. So in a very a cut and dry state of mind I watched my hand mechanically sign the papers pertaining to that fact. I did this with the emotional support of Glory, Ace and Court. As I was wheeled to surgery I was trying to feel confident that all was kosher.

As my gurney reached the door of the operating room, the surgeon and his staff flowed forth circling my bed like a school of those Hammerhead sharks. When I was surrounded by these individuals, the doctor went to work manipulating his drug induced, groggy prey (Me). He said, "Merrym, I know we agreed on taking your leg above the infection, but I don't think that's a good idea. When I do amputations, it is always below the knee. I'm not letting you enter this operating room, let alone making a cut of any kind, unless you sign a new consent form that gives me permission to do so." Then he nonchalantly handed me a clipboard and a pen, while the rest of the 'Sharks' stared me down.

All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind, but ultimately my choice at that point was made for me. I knew that my trust was in God, not the man before me, so I grabbed the form and signed it...

Trust in the Lord when he says, 'The Lord will surely deliver us;"

2 Kings 18:30 b

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Wisdom of Youth

2010-09-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

As I became more aware of things in the hospital, after my amputation, my 17 year old daughter, Courtney, told me she was pregnant. She said she had waited until I was in a hospital bed, so I couldn't chase her down and kick her butt (literally). The thing is I already knew from all the clues that she'd left or hadn't left around our house. For example, she was five months along and it showed, but I decided to let her tell me in her own time. After all, I thought that if she felt she was mature enough to make a baby, she should definitely be mature enough to face me like an adult and tell me the news. When I found this out I vowed to give her minimal help, so she would learn to be a good mother.

Four months after I came home from the hospital, we brought my gorgeous grand-daughter, Brittanie, home too. At that time I was still battling depression and using my painkillers to escape into that ever comforting, yet time thief, medicinal-oblivion.

One day during one of my tiny windows of clear thinking, Courtney grabbed the opportunity to say, "Mom, I understand Brittanie is my responsibility, but we need you! I have questions for you to answer and Brittanie needs her grandmother! When you take your medicine you space out or just pass out. You're missing her growing and changing. This is heartbreaking to me because we have had so many close calls with you and I want all of us to have awesome memories of this time in her life. But most of all I want your grand-daughter to know you! Please stop taking so much medicine!!"

At that moment I made the choice that I'd rather be in pain, no matter how excoriating, and be conscious of the lives surrounding me. I chose to live my life, rather than sleep it away and miss everything.

I have had some incidents, which I will talk about in up-coming blogs, but to this day I take the minimal amount of painkillers to get by. I'm never out of pain, but I'm enjoying my awesome family and friends. Thank you God and Courtney for those awesome words of wisdom!

Is not Wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?

Job 12:12

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

God Provides A Way

2010-08-30T15:52:00.000-07:00

It was time for Merrym to leave the hospital after her amputation. All the family had gone home and here I was to face new challenges again. Merrym had been so positive in the hospital, but I knew this would change. Before the surgery, they had given her hope of having a prosthetic, but she had just found out this was not possible due to her delicate skin. I was also concerned because they had not given her physical therapy so she would know how to cope with her missing leg. The doctors seemed to think she didn't need any!

What were we going to do? I was taking Merrym to my house for several days while she had time to heal. We faced one big problem! I had two steps, with no railing, to get into my house. There was no one home to help get her in. As Merrym and I drove home, I explained my concern. We both started praying. When we pulled into the driveway, I stared at my garage door. I exclaimed, "I have an idea!" Next to the door that enters my living room from the garage is a metal bar that is part of the large door support. I got Merrym out of the car, rolled her into the garage and up to the steps as close as possible. She put her good leg on the bottom step and grabbed the bar with both hands. As she pulled to get her self to a standing position, I pushed her body to help her. Once she was standing and felt secure, I took the wheelchair around through the front door and as close to the steps as possible. Merrym then sat down and scooted back. Thank you God, we made it! (We still get her in my house this same way. )

After conquering the first problem, we were able to work out ways to get her in and out of the bathroom, get her bathed and move her around the house. Then came the time, as usual, to change the bandage on her stump. Again my fears of the unknown came rushing back. Could I do this? Looking at Merrym's face, I knew I had no choice. I changed the bandage with her instructions and all went well.

Depression set in almost the moment we got to my house. I was feeling depressed about Merrym's situation myself, so what was I going to say to help her? I grabbed the Bible, read it to Merrym and we prayed. This would help for a short time, then we would repeat the process. She slept a lot after she took her medication and this would give me time to regroup, clean and do things to keep the house in order.

After several days, Merrym was ready to go home and the adjustments started over. I stayed one night at her house, making sure her kids could take care of her. We talked on the phone many times each day and eventually Merrym could take care of herself with very little help.

Recently Merrym and I were discussing her amputation, I realized she didn't even remember coming to my house. I think God blocks some things from our memory for periods of time, so we can handle all that we have to face.

Then I would still have this consolation -- my joy in unrelenting pain --that I had not denied the words of the Holy One.
Job 6:10

Love, Mother Hen, Glory

Reality

2010-08-27T12:31:00.001-07:00

When I finally went home and reality hit me I became extremely depressed.

I hadn't figured out how to do things for myself yet like
transferring
or going to the bathroom. I was angry at God for what I thought was 'Him picking on me' once again
. I was in excruciating pain that required very strong painkillers for any semblance of relief.

I gave up on life and just slept as much as possible. It was pretty easy with the help of my medicine, which knocked me out minutes after I took them.

One day while I was waiting for my medicinal oblivion to kick in I decided to ask God the question that loomed in my head anytime I was awake and aware enough to acknowledge 'the crappy life'
I thought
I had.

I angrily said once again, "Why me, God?! I asked for healing and I received this 'Crap'?! What are You doing to me?!"

His answer came calmly, giving me a feeling of total and complete peace: "Merrym, you asked for healing and I gave it to you. You've been healed 'MY WAY', which you may not understand now. Eventually you will use this also to bring glory to My Name."

For you are God, O Sovereign Lord. Your words are truth, and You have promised good things to Your servant.

2 Samuel 7:28

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

One Foot in Heaven

2010-08-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

I have asked myself and God many times: "How much more can Merrym take?" When she got the infection before her amputation, this was one of those times I questioned God. I was praying she would not have to have an amputaion. Even though her little leg was not that attractive, it served its purpose. It gave her balance when she stood and she could walk with a walker.

When Merrym told me the doctors felt like she needed an amputation, she wanted my opinion. I was very angry with the doctors. I figured it was not their body and they really were trying to find the easiest way out. I tried to convince her that God could heal the infection and that she should wait. Later I was at the hospital when they took the bandages off and I realized how truly bad the infection was. There was a part of me that still wanted her to wait, but I knew it was not my decision and it could be,HER LIFE!

As Merrym said, a lot of the family came to be with her. We prayed and cried. Why Merrym again?! Why not one of us this time?! But Merrym always seems to have courage that is beyond understanding.

Merrym says our family handles everything with prayer and humor, but not all of us. There are times I know that Merrym is covering feelings and fears with humor. After all, I am there when everyone else goes home and reality sets in. I handle things with prayer and practicality. I am always planning ahead, trying to figure out if Merrym can still live on her own or does she need to move in with someone? etc. Fortunately, I eventually let God take over and take care of things and it all works out.

After the surgery, Courtney, Ace and I had to meet with the surgeon. He had the personality of a barracuda. He instantly said that Merrym needed to lose 100 pounds (Yes, Merrym had gained weight from inactivity over the years). We asked about counseling for her to adjust to her situation, but he acted like Merrym should just be able to accept this and go on as though nothing had happened. I was upset and so were the kids!

As we hesitantly went in to see her after talking to the doctor, we didn't know what to expect. The first words out of Merrym's mouth was: "I have one foot in heaven already!"

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Love, Mother Hen Glory

50% Off???

2010-08-24T12:02:00.000-07:00

The next morning I awoke extremely happy to be in excruciating pain, because it meant I was still alive and my wonderful children would be there soon.

The Orthopedic Surgeon had removed the quarantine, so I quickly called Glory to let her know to tell everyone they were welcome to visit. Still drugged I faded into sleepy oblivion, until I was once again awoken to never ending giggling.

I slowly opened my eyes to a room full of smiling family members. When they saw my eyes flicker in recognition they all laughingly chimed in, "Stop pulling my leg!" This brought a grin to my face and an idea to my mind. I said, "Our family has always used God and humor to help us make it through everything. We can't stop now! I welcome any prayers and jokes you guys can come up with. While I slept God told me in a dream that we needed to keep our positive attitudes, because we would be a testimony of His power and a light to others who need Him."

Then I became really serious and everyone was on edge to find out what could be so important . I hesitated before asking, "Do you think when I go for a pedicure I can get half off?" Relief and a bit of frustration crossed their faces then it all melted into boisterous laughter...

In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:16

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Same Crazy Merrym

2010-08-23T10:18:00.000-07:00

When the weekend was over the Orthopedic Surgeon returned to get my decision on whether having my leg amputated
was still the same. After he got the news that I hadn't changed my mind and in fact my choice was firmer than before he said, "OK, tomorrow we'll take your leg. Since I'm not sure if your infection is contagious, your surgery will need to be the last one of the day. This is so the Haz-Mat team will have all night to sterilize and dispose of things for the next day's surgeries."

I immediately called Glory to ask her to arrange for Ace to be at the hospital. Glory, being Glory, she went right to work doing so. She also called family and friends to let them know what was going on, so they'd know to pray.
The next morning she even made the hour and a half trip to get Ace from lock-up.

The day progressed and I did my best to stay awake and lucid, so I could spend what might be my last hours with my awesome, loving children. Anxiety overwhelmed me the later it became. I just wanted this over and done with, and to be able to 'wake up' to those two beautiful faces.

As I look back now I can see God's hand in h
aving the surgery late in the day. Everyone who wanted to be at the hospital to support me and my family was able to come, because it was after work hours.

At 8:35 pm the orderly came into my room to get me. But before he could wheel me down the hall, friends, family and church members joined hands, making a circle that was comprised of shoulder-to-shoulder people, up and down the hospital hall with me in the center. They prayed as I disappeared into the elevator. It was synonymous to what was happening in Heaven at that moment as angels surrounded and protected me.

When I awoke I was being pushed down the same hall, towards the horde of concerned 'angels', who were waiting for news of my progress and I started rejoicing. Happy, but still quite drugged and not knowing my volume, I began hollering, "Stop pulling my leg!" This changed the looks of worry to brilliant smiles and the joyous crowd said in a sing-song voice, "Same, crazy Merrym! Praise the Lord, she's fine!" and they quickly dispersed.

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again-rejoice!

Phillippians 4:4

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

It's Your Leg Or Your Life!

2010-08-20T19:05:00.000-07:00

At this frightening time in my life, my children were 16 and 17. As you know by now they had been through many horrid near death experiences with me. These two wonderful, sweet kids had been pushed in to adulthood way to fast. They no choice but to learn how to do everything from helping me change clothes to bandaging wounds. More serious things like how to keep a sterile field or how to debrid (clean/scrap debris from) wounds correctly at the ripe old age of 6 and 7. So consulting with my children about my leg amputation made complete and total sense to me. This would effect their lives more than most children, because by then they had the responsibilities of being my home health aides.

I felt calling a family meeting was a necessity, which had to be conducted from my home away from my 'hospital bed'. During any moments of lucidity, I went to work to make this happen. Courtney was easy to get a hold of. She lived in my house and visited daily. But reaching Ace was a problem. He was still in lock-up and restricted from phone calls for causing a fight between two of the other detainees. Still hard headed to a fault!

My extremely, wonderful, sister, Glory made a few phone calls on my behalf to parole officers, counselors and the head of the facility. Perseverance was the key.

Finally we had it arranged that at 7:00 pm Thursday the three of us would have a family meeting, whether on the phone (Ace) or in a hospital room from a chair (Courtney) or bed (Yours Truly).

First I told them how proud I was to be their mother and how much I loved them, for fear I might not ever have another chance to tell them. I mean, by now I knew how unpredictable my body could be. Then I explained the situation, but could not say the word amputation completely without falling to pieces. Then I said, "This will change ALL our lives, so I need your input on what should be done."

With all the wisdom of Ghandi they said "When it comes down to it Mom. It's your leg or your life! There's no contest! Give them the leg! We want...NO!...need you to live!" The shock and horror that came over me was eye opening, I hadn't really thought of it this way. I answered, "OK! There's just one more family member to consult. God! Let's pray and get His opinion whether amp..." I sobbingly, choked. "ampu...amputa...this procedure is His will?"

We immediately bowed our heads and fervently prayed. As we were finishing I felt a peaceful warmth, that is beyond anything I have ever felt. I said, "Kid's I now know having my leg amputated is God's plan for me. I have such a warm, peaceful feeling running through my being."

Simultaneously, Ace and Courtney with a smile in their voices said, "We know it's the right thing too. We know your at peace, because Mom, you just said amputation without stuttering, stammering or crying."

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Take the Leg!

2010-08-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

The next morning I was awoken by the Orthopedic Surgeon, he was an older man, in his sixties and very set in his ways. Everything from that point on is so vivid to me, it's like it happened just moments ago.

He stood over my bed in his crinkled, yellow, paper scrubs, with his gangly arms folded across his chest, as the overhead light glared off his melon shaped, bald head. He said, "Ms. Bruce, you have an extremely rare infection. I've had you quarantined for fear that it's contagious to the touch. You may pick only two people that will be allowed to visit you, as long as they follow the rules of the quarantine. Meaning scrubbing their hands and forearms for five minutes before entering and, after exiting each time. Plus, they'll need to gown up and wear gloves for every visit, which are to be disposed of in the hazardous waste receptacle right outside your door. You are on the strongest antibiotics any human system can tolerate to try and kill this malicious germ. You now need to make a decision; you can stay on quarantine for 30 days while we pump these antibiotics into you and maybe we can save your leg or; we can amputate your leg. Your toes are already dead, so no matter what, they need to be removed."

Now for the eight years that I had been Dr. Muse's patient, he had been preparing me for this day. Every single time I went to visit him, whether it was about my leg or not, the first thing out of his mouth was always, "Merrym, you do know you wont have your leg all your life? With the way it gets infected bi-monthly, there's going to come a day we wont be able to cure one of these infections." My answer was the usual, "I know," and a quick nod of the head yes. This I had long ago accepted.

So my answer to the Surgeon was so speedy, it left his head spinning. "Take the leg!" I replied with a shaky voice, trying to choke back the tears that seeped from my eyes. He said, "You didn't even give that much thought! Take a week to consider this life changing matter. I'll ask again after the weekend." I tearfully answered,"OK, but my decision wont change!"

As the doctor left, I knew again, this was a time to put my trust in God. I sobbed, "Help!" God whispered, "Consult with your kids. This effects them too!"...

In you I trust, Oh my God.

Psalm 25:2

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Minutes From Death, AGAIN!

2010-08-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

I made it through the night with lots of prayer and no sleep. My pastor came over, drove me to my doctor's office and left to start his daily routine.

Immediately as I rolled in the medical facilities door, Dr. Muse saw my ghostly, white complexion and withered appearance, and said, "Merrym, you need to get to the hospital now!" I answered, "My ride just left to an appointment. I was lucky just to get here. I don't know how I'm suppose to get to the hospital!" My doctor grabbed the phone, dialed and said, "Can I get a taxi at the IHC medical building. I need you to transport a patient to the hospital. This is the patients doctor and I'll be paying you. Hurry please!" I sat there not comprehending the conversation I had just heard.

Next thing I remember, I woke in a strange hospital room with tubes connected to me from every direction I looked. My daughter was standing over me, in yellow paper scrubs used for quarantine, rubbing my forehead softly and singing praises to God, while tears flowed from those beautiful brown eyes.

When she realized I was awake and comprehending what had happened, where I was and why. She said, "Hold on Mommy! I'll go get someone to explain what's going on," exited for a few minutes, returning with a nurse in tow.

Very professionally, he pulled the covers off my leg and sat me up enough to see it. What I saw is something I'll never forget. The bottom half of my leg was dark purple, swollen as big as the thigh on my other leg. My eyes focused on a skin tear running down the middle, while puss continuously oozed from it, puddling underneath my foot. But worst of all was my toes, they were black as coal and bloated.

The nurse said, "When you got here, you were minutes from death. We thought we lost you more than once. Let the antibiotics get in your system, rest and the doctor will be here in the morning to explain what his plans are for you." I mumbled to my daughter, "I love you kiddo!" as everything slowly faded into a abysmal darkness...

On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the night.

Psalm 63:6

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Steam Rolled Again

2010-08-16T13:52:00.000-07:00

As the praying faded, I felt awkward and very self conscious. I tried, to no avail to shrink into my chair. All attention turned to me and I felt the leaders of the conference converging on me, like sharks circling their prey. They laid hands on me and began praying for my healing. This went on for 30 minutes with only a tiny interruption to say, "God wants you to know you are worth more than you could imagine. After all He gave His son to die for your sins." This brought a rush of tears and racking sobs to my body. I knew this, but never really took it to heart before.

That night my leg was in so much pain that I couldn't sleep. It felt like a steam roller had parked on it, throbbing continuously, in unending waves of torture. I wiggled and squirmed, changing positions constantly, trying to find a comfortable position, while praying for some kind of relief. I received none!

The next day I barely made it to my own church for Sunday school. The people at church formed a consensus that; I looked extremely sick; I needed to go home and rest; and if I didn't feel good by the next day I should go see the doctor. There was no argument from me. I didn't have the energy for it.

I got in my door just in time for my body to erupt in excessively, violent vomiting, that quickly turned to dry heaves when the last bit of the minuscule meal I ate the night before was expelled. My body went from cold chills to a furnace overheating, all day and night.

By 8:00 pm I knew I needed a medical attention. But I wanted to wait until morning, so I could see my doctor, HE KNEW ME, my body and all my health issues. After all he'd been trained for eight years to know what to look for 'with me.' I just had to make it through the night until his office opened...

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Are You Not Much More Valuable Than They?

2010-08-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

One person who drove me to visit Ace and Marcus, belonged to my church. I had just started going to a new church and didn't really know many people, but I knew she headed in the direction of the lock-up facility every Sunday night. She visited another small church that some of her close friends had started. So after we dropped Ace off and I visited with Marcus I went to that church with her.

During the long rides we got to know each other and became good friends. We shared our faith and we prayed with each other. I got acquainted with the people from this church and we had some Godly fellowship.

After about five months of visiting my friend's church, they made an announcement about a healing conference that was to happen the next weekend. I let it go in one ear and out the other, to disappear from my mind, like a speck of dust in a hurricane.

That week Ace and Marcus got in trouble and their punishment was no visit from Mom. So when my friend called to ask me to go with her to the conference, I was open to it. I figured, "What could it hurt?" Besides I would be spending time with God and keeping my mind off how upset I was at the boys. Cool! Double the benefits.

At the conference the leaders asked people that would like to be healed to come forward. I didn't move I thought, "God had to much to do to heal me besides, I wasn't worth the effort." But God had different plans...

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Matthew 6:26

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

It's A Hard Knock Life

2010-08-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

Mer has never had it easy in any way or form. Her life has been one big struggle after another. Oh sure, there are many days she has conflicts with her bitter side. But she CHOOSES to have more days where she takes God's hand and says walk with me, lift me, carry me.

Mer, as you most likely know by now, was the last born of seven siblings. Yes, there were times you might say she was babied, but not spoiled. There wasn't much to spoil her with. We were, as they say 'dirt poor'. Our parents gave every thing they had to keep food on the table and clothes on our backs.

Mom and Dad 'finally' divorced after 25 years of treading water in the drowning saga they called a marriage. I know this may sound cruel but, I was soooo relieved when my Mom took us last three kids and literally, marched off that New Mexico farm! Mom and Dad were definitely no 'match made in heaven'!

After living through this part of our horribly dis-functional family life and not knowing as young women of that time era (late 60s-early 70s) how a man should treat a woman or when and how to stand up to a man, we became very confused. Most of our older siblings were married by now and in difficult relationships of their own.

We also had no idea how parents should really behave. We didn't respect our parents, we feared them. We'd seen Dad beat Mom; Dad beat each of us; Brothers abuse sisters; and on and on. We'd lived through a devastating fire. Our brother Robert survived a horrid car accident, it all seemed so unending. But we seemed to suck it all up and move forward, not really knowing the damage these events had taken on our souls. Yes, we did go to Church on a regular basis, thank God for that foundation in our lives!

Once Mom was on her own, she went a little overboard with the men. Her judgement was skewed, so the men she did allow in to our lives were seriously sad examples and pedifiles. She had a hard time knowing where to draw the line between discipline and down right beatings. Because of these issues Mer and I finally (THANK YOU JESUS!) ended up in a foster home. I was 16, and Mer came along later, I think around the time she was 13. Dad was no where to be found, although that's how we preferred it too.

Mer and I were actually wonderful, sweet, loving, good girls, all be it, very confused, scared and with very little self esteem or self worth. At this point Mer became very depressed and tried to commit suicide. My boy friend and I found her and rushed her to Valley General. My foster Mom was so angry that she couldn't bring herself to visit Mer. I must say though, our foster parents, Dorothy Duddy and Ronald Sternod, were absolutely wonderful examples and we thank them for there sacrifices.

Mer graduated at 17 and left home to live with our brother Robert for a short time and then moved to Utah to live with the Note-Worthy 'Mother Hen'

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look whole heartedly you will find me."
Jeremiah 29:11-13

Love You Mer

You Can't Out Give God

2010-08-11T12:32:00.000-07:00

Reading Merrym's blogs about Marcus, one might think: "This can't be real." "No one can be that giving." "She must be exaggerating." But Merrym is the real deal. She does care about others until it hurts. She is so kind, that it is hard to believe. When she told me what she was doing about Marcus, I had my concerns. As things came together, I knew it was God's will.

I take care of Merrym's bills, so I know exactly how much money she has. I try to save a little each month so she will have 'present money' for Christmas and birthdays. Somehow there is always enough money. Someone always slips a little money to me here and there, which really helps her out.

Merrym's kids' wants have always been small. They have known their mom doesn't have much money, so they don't ask for expensive things. I believe because of Merrym's giving heart and the unselfishness she has taught her children, they have been blessed financially at just the right times. They have been the recipients of gift cards (sometimes as much as $200) from the school and PTA. The kids have also received new shoes from programs they have through the schools to help those in need. Our churches have also been more than giving in to many ways to mention. At Christmas from time to time anonymous boxes appear and family members have also been very giving.

Merrym never went searching for financial help, she has just been blessed with it. God takes care of those who help others.

Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.

Luke 6:38

Love, Mother Hen Glory

Family Traditions

2010-08-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

That Christmas as Glory and I picked up the boys and brought them home. The car was filled with uninterrupted, endless, excited chatter! Ace and Marcus had every second planned, which just brought gigantic grins with "Aren't they cute?" glances to mine and Glory's faces.

At my house we have many traditions, which Marcus was initiated with. My children take turns being in charge of a particular event each year.

On Christmas Eve we read the first Christmas story from the Bible;
Someone plays Santa and passes out the presents;
We eat Jumble-berry pie for breakfast, which is an honor to cut;
We cook ham (it is an honor to pray for our food) and enjoy each others company;

My children fought over these positions yearly. I was amazed there was no fighting this year, both Courtney and Ace were more than willing to hand the reigns to Marcus. Each time I would explain the tradition and ask,"Who wants to be in charge of this?" Marcus would shy away and try to fade into the background, but each time Ace and Courtney would simultaneously chime in, "It's Marcus's turn this year!" He'd grin from ear-to-ear, jump in and eagerly do each family task.

As we returned the boys to the facility and said our goodbyes. Marcus gave me a big hug, and tried to speak. Choking back tears, he commented, "I'm so glad God gave me a new family! I love you! See ya next weekend Mom!"

In everything he followed the example of his father.

2 Kings 14:3

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Giving Unselfishly

2010-08-07T09:54:00.000-07:00

At Christmas time, during my children's teenage years, when we went shopping, I'd tell them how much money they could spend and let them choose their own presents. This way I knew they'd like what they got. I always saved money and divided it equally between the two. But this year I had less money than usual, because I was paying for gas to visit the boys.

I gathered a bit then took Ace and Courtney shopping a few weeks before the holiday. We went to an outlet store and they chose some clothes they liked. We went home and the wrapping was done automatically. I got Marcus the few things he was allowed to have at lock-up.

When I heard Marcus got to come home with me, I was so excited that it hadn't registered there were no big presents for him under my tree. After Ace calmed down enough to talk to where I could understand he said, "I just asked Marcus to step away so I could talk to you in private. He can't hear me now. Mom, I know you don't have anymore money for presents, so we'll give him half of mine. OK?" Then he went on to describe which presents to put Marcus's name on, which were to be his favorites. I was in tears, hearing the joy that this act of kindness brought him and knew he was finally understanding the lesson God was trying to teach him...

I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.

John 13:15

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Persistence is My Motto

2010-08-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

From the reaction I had received from the staff about trying to take Marcus home and my knowledge of the juvenile system, I knew persistence was to become my motto. I know I'm persistent, but I had little time and a big rule to get changed. One; Ace and Marcus were not suppose to fraternize outside facility grounds and two; get the court system to allow me (not the average person, someone not related to the child, someone disabled, someone who's own child was having serious problems) to be responsible for Marcus for the Christmas weekend.

The day after the Thanksgiving holiday I immediately started calling around to find out the hoops that I needed to jump through to make this possible. I prayed each time I dialed a number. Shock and disbelief were the normal reactions I was given, but I wasn't going to be deterred.

Remember, I was also finishing up my senior year in college, plus my weekends were spent keeping track of Ace on his home visits and visiting Marcus. Sleep was already rare, but I studied nights, so I could use my spare day time hours to work on this. Little to no sleep became the norm. I'm punchy as it is, but it was said I was extra goofy at that time.

Day after day I called courts, probation officers, parole officers, psychiatrists, and counselors. Ace and Marcus had different people for each of these, meaning it was like the phone had grown to my hand and connected it to my ear. The phone only left my ear so I could dial another number.

Finally I found some allies; When I graduated, Ace's counselor had to approve and verify where he was. She vouched for me. What was the best part was; the judge I had asked to make Ace deal with the consequences to his actions became my number one supporter. He was the person who made it possible for me to take Marcus home saying, "I know these boy's are in good hands. She'll make them tow the line. They're safe and secure with this outstanding woman."

Two days before I was to get Ace for Christmas, he and Marcus called me so excited that their words were a blur of jumbled exclamations. Confused I asked to talk to a staff member and said,"What's wrong?! Is someone hurt?!" It was the staff member I had first asked how I could take Marcus home, he answered with, "Ma'am, I'm pleased to inform you that Marcus will come home for Christmas with Ace. I would not have believed it myself, if I hadn't seen the paperwork. I've worked here 27 years and nothing has ever happened like this. Judge Johnson really respects you. You told me God could do anything. I doubted it, but He just proved it!"

I screamed for joy so loud, I'm sure they heard it for miles...

Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.

Mark 6:48

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

With God All Things Are Possible

2010-08-04T13:47:00.001-07:00

From that point on when I visited Ace, I visited Marcus. This meant I had to tell the people who gave me rides to and from, that I was going to take extra time at the facility. This began to limit the amount of people who 'volunteered' to drive me and usually cost extra money in gas. Oh well?! Marcus was and is important to God and me.

Marcus started opening up to me and we both looked forward to our visits. He even made craft projects for his Mer-mom, which Ace had said before he would not participate in. When they had parent-staff conferences on rules, I got informed as Ace's, then Marcus's mother.

Every time I brought Ace home, my heart would break a little for Marcus, because on weekends he was pretty much the only resident in the building.

Thanksgiving quickly approached and all the boy's in the facility got to go on a home visit, except sweet, lonely Marcus. I should have been happy, after all Ace was home, but I didn't really enjoy myself. All I could do was picture Marcus at the facility all alone, except for one staff member, eating that institution 'food???' YUCK!!! Again my heart was ripping to pieces and spilling out tears of sorrow. I vowed at that moment I would do everything in my power to have the newest member of my family home for Christmas.

When I returned Ace to the facility, I didn't tell Marcus my plan for fear of getting his hopes up only to have them dashed to bits.

As I left, I asked the staff member in charge, "How do I start the process of taking Marcus home for Christmas?" He just stood, staring at me in utter amazement and said, "I truly don't know. No one has ever attempted this. You know wanting to take on the responsibilities of a child that's not their own. I'll check into it, but I don't think it is possible." My answer came quickly, but calmly, "All things are possible with God! I'll be praying continually for this!" With a peaceful feeling in my heart, I then turned and rolled out the door...

With God all things are possible.-Matthew 19: 26

Pray continually;-1 Thessalonians 5:17

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

What Would Jesus Do?

2010-08-03T08:59:00.000-07:00

The next weekend I went to visit Ace, I brought personal hygiene products for both him and his roommate, Marcus. As I entered the building the staff automatically called Ace to come for his home visit. But first I wanted to give Marcus the things I had brought him and have a 'get to know you visit'. When I told the staff my intentions and showed them the tiny bag of essentials for Marcus, their faces froze in expressions of shock. They flipped through the book of rules to find out the procedure on this. The closest rule they could find to cover this unprecedented occurrence was, inmates were not to fraternize with one another, other than being incarcerated in the same building. Reluctantly, they stopped Ace from coming, so I could visit with Marcus.

Warily Marcus entered the tiny visitation room with a look of wonder and excitement on his sweet, freckled face. I greeted him with a big hug, handed him the package and said, "I know you don't know me, but I'm Ace's mom. I'd consider it a privilege to be your adopted mom. Marcus, God and I already love you! Please allow me to visit you?" He stood in the middle of the room with tears trickling down his handsome face, shook his head yes, and choked out the words, "OK!" I spent a half hour there with him. I held his hand lovingly, asked questions about him and gave him my undivided attention. When I returned from the weekend home visit I had with Ace, I spent another tiny half hour with Marcus.

When I left the facility that day Ace was bombarded with suspicious questions from the staff and other residents. "Why is your mom doing this?" He looked at them stunned and said,"That's just my mom. She's just living what she believes. You know: What would Jesus do?"...

He defends the cause of the fatherless and widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.

Deuteronomy 10:18

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

I Want to Thank You

2010-08-02T14:02:00.000-07:00

Merrym, Merrym, Merrym!

She called me today at work and asked if I would blog. She's busy watching two of her grand-children while their mom's at work. This isn't the norm for Mer, so it takes a lot out of her. She loves her grand-kids to pieces and tries to cover when their mom is in a pinch. The two little ones are three and six.

Anyway at this point in the blog, I wasn't to involved since we lived many states away. Cell phones were not readily available. There were some short, long distant phone calls, with many words of encouragement. Also a short visit here or there.

Glory really was and still is Mer's saving grace through all of this. God really blessed her with the patients of a Saint and the gift of giving, and when I say giving I literally mean giving of everything, including blood, at least a pound of flesh, buckets of tears and a whole lot of soul. Sounds like a song that needs to be written! LOL

I want Glory to know that in my case, as Mer's sister, that I truly am very thankful for all she has and continues to do. I know that I moan, complain and am very pushy, but I love her and am truly grateful that God has allowed her the time, money and spirit to take this difficult task on for our family.

Carry each other's burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:1-3

Love You Mer & Mother Hen

Mer's Visit to the Little House

2010-07-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

I was allowed to visit Ace once a week, on the weekends. But the facility Ace got placed in was 50 miles from my house. I had a problem, I can't drive! How was I to get there? I used every source available to me: family, friends and members of my church. I spent at least 20 dollars (sometimes more) a week of my tiny budget to see him and I never missed a visit.

* SIDE NOTE- T J never visited Ace, his one and only son, once while he was incarcerated.

On my first visit they took me to a tiny room with furniture scrunched in it so tight my wheelchair barely made it through the door. As Ace entered the room his happiness to see me was etched across his face. We made small talk for a few minutes. Then his eyes became an angry red, as a hot poker and he said,"Why Mom?! Why did you do this to me?!" I snapped back,"I didn't do anything to you! You did this to yourself! Your the one who chose to commit grand-theft-auto and take a 15 year old girl across state lines, which is considered kidnapping at the ripe old age of 17! Your just lucky her mom didn't press charges or you'd be the recipient of an adult sentence in big time lock-up!"

He was quiet for a while and I could see him mulling this over. I broke the silence with, "Now, next weekend you get a four hour pass, IF you follow house rules. So obey!"

When I left the staff informed me that I could bring him some personal hygiene products, because the ones there were very harsh.

When I picked him up for his outing we went to a nearby mall and at the food court I got him food from each restaurant. He ate everything we ordered, after all he was eating horrid institution 'food'???

As he ate he told me about his roommate, who's mother was dead and father was in prison. I cried for five days for his friend, who had no one to visit or who cared about him. Then God said, "You are so wrong Merrym, I care!!!!!!! That's why I'm sharing you with him!" Thinking of all my other responsibilities, my thoughts and words jumbled as I reluctantly accepted this great honor...

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Psalm 68:5

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Mom Lays Down The Law

2010-07-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

Before Ace's dad went to get him from Georgia, I had contacted our local police to let them know Ace was on the way back. They thanked me and told me as soon as he got in town he was to be turned into their custody. Ace's dad didn't like that, but I said, "Oh well! It's too late to change what he's done. "

When I visited Ace after his return the counselors at that lock-up asked me to bring his dad in too, this way we could have a 'family meeting'. I had to beg and plead to get his dad (The Jerk/ T J) there. When we arrived, T J put on the biggest act of 'having it all together', I'd ever seen and the counselors fell for it. They talked only to him and ignored me like I wasn't even there, which upset me, because I was the custodial parent and the sane one. They told T J Ace needed some dress clothes for court, which was in two days. T J said, "But Ace doesn't have any good clothes." The answer he received was, "Get some!" and they exited the room.

Now Ace's dad had a job and money on him, but said I needed to buy the clothes. I did! Remember I get an allotted amount of money from SSI. Well, my child was in need and I knew Ace's father would never spend a cent on him, no matter how dire the situation. After we went to the mall and got the clothes, I was exhausted. So when we went to drop them off I stayed in the car and sent T J in. Come to find out T J took all the credit for shopping and buying the clothes. He also told Ace he'd see him in court the next day.

The next morning I woke early, got ready for court, rode three buses, pushed myself five blocks to get there and made it with time to spare. During my excruciatingly, long, 15 minute wait, I fidgeted and looked for T J, who was a no show.

They finally called Ace's court-case. Still no T J! I was furious! As I wheeled into a spot next to the defendant's table, I saw someone shuffling towards me, every mother's worst nightmare! It was my baby boy in shackles! He hugged me the best he could with angst in his eyes and said. "Where's Dad?" "I don't know honey?!" I answered. His countenance immediately changed from hope to sadness and my heart broke for him. See why I call my kid's dad 'The Jerk'?

The proceedings went along quite well. Then the judge turned to me and said, "You poor woman! You've obviously been through enough. I'll just send Asab home with you." Relief flooded Ace's face, but I was totally shocked! I rose my hand and said. "Your honor, please don't do that! My child needs to deal with the consequences to his actions or he'll never learn to be a good human being. Give him the sentence he deserves." The whole courtroom went silent and stared at the judge, except for Ace's piercing eyes of anger, which were slicing right through me. The judge said "Ma'am, You are a truly good mother. Most people would have taken their kid and run after a ruling like that. But you obviously care deeply for your son. Asab, I sentence you to youth prison for six months, if your mother agrees?" I shook my head up and down without making a sound, for fear of sobbing uncontrollably...

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:6

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Mom's Not As Dumb As You Think!

2010-07-28T10:35:00.000-07:00

During the period of time I was going through my senior year of college, the kids were in their teens. As most parents will agree these are the most difficult years for us all. I didn't always choose the right disciplinary measures, but I tried to be the best parent I could. I read my Bible and took to heart God's words for parenting. Here's some examples:

Courtney was running with the wrong crowd and ended up helping a friend run away from home. The night she did this, I had been working at the Boys and Girls club. I first heard about this girl disappearance when I was bombarded at the door of my house by the police. They asked, "Are you harboring a runaway?" My answer was a firm "NO!" They asked to search my house and of course I granted them permission. I was a little upset that they didn't believe me, but quickly got over it.

Then my psychology education kicked in and I began observing Courtney. I started seeing a pattern: she got up earlier than usual; went to another friends house whom I wasn't fond of and stayed there until it was time for school; as soon as school was over she'd head right back to that house, staying there as late as she could (I had to call her and demand she come home). After a week of this behavior I knew what was going on and where her missing friend was at. I had the police come over early one morning, I woke her up and said, "I know where Sally (not real name) is. Now you have a choice. Either you take these officers there or I do." My daughter immediately complied and took them to Sally. This sent a two fold message of: Mom's not as dumb as you think; plus, her friends saw her as a Narc and dropped her like a hot potato. Yeah!

Ace had his problems also. He had many run-ins with the police, almost on a weekly basis. He ended up in lock-up many times. Of course I was worried. I thought his dad needed to step in, so I allowed Ace to move in with dad and he visited me once in a while. One day I got a call from the police asking, "Do you know where Ace is? He's disappeared with his grandfather's truck and his girlfriend." Again my answer was a firm, "NO!"

The police and Ace's dad were stumped. I knew I had to do something, so I started calling everyone of Ace's friends. I found his trail (Me, the disabled women in a wheelchair) all the way across the United States to Georgia. I found out the phone number of the house he was at, called it and told him, "Keep your happy little butt at that address!" Then I called the Georgia police and said, "Please go pick up my son and hold him until I can figure out how to get him back to Utah. He has committed grand-theft-auto and is involved in kidnapping his girlfriend." They did and a week later I sent his dad to pick him up...

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Proverbs 13:24

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Save the Best for Last

2010-07-27T13:29:00.000-07:00

When I graduated with my 'Bachelors in Psychology' from college on December 13, 2002, I chose to walk to get my diploma. My thoughts were; I struggled and worked my butt off for six very, long, difficult, years to make it this far, I deserved to walk!

Now at that time, I could walk with a walker, but how would I hold my diploma? So I devised a plan; I could walk exceptionally well if someone would act like my crutch, I'd have one of my children help me.

Which one would it be? Well, three years earlier, when I got my associates degree my daughter, Courtney had helped me walk to receive that honor. So I'd ask my son, Ace, to walk me this time. He agreed. I thought I was ready, until the school found out what I wanted to do. They balked at the idea for safety reasons, so I set out to remove that obstacle.

I had to write a formal letter to the president of the college, who knew me personally, asking permission; go through a long process with the disabilities department where Ace and I had to prove I'd be safe; agree to go to one end of the platform in my wheelchair, get up, walk only as far as the platform, immediately sit back down to go through the line of congratulating professors; and most importantly, not rush. That's all I wanted anyway, so I happily agreed. Oh ya! I had to be the last person in my field to cross the stage, this way I could take my time.

The building they held the ceremony in is a big domed sports arena. Since it was winter semester the amount of graduates and their families was small enough to fit in the arena all together. We would just graduate in turn by the alphabetizing of majors. We would wait for our field of expertise to be called, line up and cross the platform as our name was said.

All the other students sat in the bleachers, but Ace and I had to sit on the floor in the back row of hundreds of teachers. It seemed like forever before the Psychology department was called.

As the other students took their turn walking I noticed a pattern; a name was called, that individual walked, while their friends and family cheered from the stadium (just a tiny area rooted at a time).

Finally after all the other graduates had proudly accepted their diplomas, they called Merrym Dawn Bruce. I anxiously stood, grabbed Ace for support, and walked in a surreal state of mind across the intended area. My friends and family happily burst into cheers, then it was quiet for a second. SUDDENLY others joined in with screams of congrats and applause, rising to a fevered pitch, ending in a standing ovation. Blowing kisses to everyone over-and-over I stood there with an awestruck grin on my face. Nothing could wipe that look off my face or that feeling from my soul.

When Ace and I got back to our spot to wait for the ceremony to end, he said, "Mom, God told me to tell you this. What you just experienced is similar to what will happen when you get to heaven. There will be one difference though, the crowd, cheers and applause will be hundreds of times more."

I sat there in silence while streams of jubilant tears streaked my face and once again I thanked God for being mine!

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure.
Matthew 13:44

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Steadfastness

2010-07-24T12:50:00.000-07:00

During the time Merrym was going to college, she was very happy. It was one of the best periods of her disabled life. I think if Merrym were allowed, she would have been a "professional student". It gave her a sense of accomplishment and built her self-esteem. No matter what the assignment, she never complained.

Merrym would call me, excited about an assignment she had. All I could think was, "How will she ever be able to do this?" I was thinking about my college classes and they were not easy. I couldn't imagine Merrym doing all that work, but she seemed to flourish.

Merrym never went into any class expecting to get an A. She went into the class knowing that she would do her best and she would accept the grade that she earned. She didn't try to get special favor on any assignment. Yes, she needed help with note taking, but that was all she asked for. If she needed any other help, she sought it out. She was never afraid to ask professors to better explain things. She treated the professors like friends and did not put them on a pedestal.

Merrym had amazing stamina and has proved she can do anything in spite of her disability. Even when she got sick, she would get her assignments done on time. What was amazing was that she always went the extra mile, helping her professors and other students when needed.

If you ever think you can't get through a problem or task, just think about Merrym. Not only that, call her, or facebook her and she will encourage you.

My heart is steadfast, God, my heart is steadfast.

Psalm 57:7

Love, Mother Hen Glory

Mer Gives Them A Lesson They'll Never Forget!

2010-07-22T12:48:00.001-07:00

Today is technical, but I want to describe each of the five stations in my class and what they simulated. Bear with me and you'll see the awesome affect it had on the kids. At each station was an adult to explain to the kids what to do and how it simulated a disability.

*(What was simulated.)

As each child took their turn at individual stations the person in charge of this area would explain what they were to do;

Station #1-Hearing-*(Deafness/Hearing Loss)

There were earplugs that the kids were to put in their ears. They were to try to hear people speak at different levels and tones of volume.

Station #2-Speech-*(Speech Impediment/Verbal Communication Loss)

They were to put five pieces of bubble gum in their mouths, chew for a few minutes and then try to say different prepared sentences. I made sure there were quite a few to pick from and that each word could sound similar to another. They were to try and get their group to understand them.

Station #3-Sight-*(Blindness/Vision Loss)

They put blindfolds and sunglasses with Vaseline on them. We gave them a blind walking cane or a guide and had them go through an obstacle course, doing daily chores.

Station # 4-Walker/Crutches-*(Difficulty walking)

We tied their legs together, gave them a walker or crutches and they were to make it through a obstacle course similar to a daily routine. But we added opening and making it through a heavy gym door.

Station #5-*(Wheelchair Bound) Since I had experience in this area I was in charge of this station and I explained they were going to go through some of what I go through daily. This one was a bit more important to me, because I felt they might understand where I was coming from.

They were put in a wheelchair and big work gloves were applied to their hands (this was to dull sensation and fine motor skills). They then had to grab a book-bag, put five different size and shape books in it, three pencils and zip it up. They had to make it through an obstacle course of; desks, long halls, heavy doors and sidewalks, with the book bag in tow.

When every student had a chance to experience everything, we gathered back together to talk about what and how they accomplished these goals, also the impact, if any, this had made on them.

The walls between everyone were let down for a while that day. It was amazing, every child (even the very shy ones) commented. Examples being:

I never realized how much more effort it takes a disabled person just to do daily chores.

I've always thought why can't disabled people just deal with life without help, but now I know how tough their lives are. Anytime I see anyone disabled or not that needs help, I'm going to offer it.

Thank you for allowing us to experience this. Now I can understand and sympathize with disabled people.

AND the ultimate compliment said more than once;

My favorite station was the wheelchair one, because now we know what and how you sacrifice for us. Thank you!

As they said this tears of joy and acceptance ran down my face. Trying to stop the floodgates from pouring forth I challenged anyone to a wheelchair race and every hand in the gym went up. Even my three professors volunteered for this and the next day each of them congratulated me on a A+ job, saying, "You bridged a gap with your class. I'm proud to say I was a tiny bit of what happened and was there to see it unfold".

You did not choose me, I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last.

John 15:16

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

'Understanding Disabilities' 101 - Day of Reckoning

2010-07-20T15:06:00.001-07:00

I planned what I wanted to happen for what seemed like forever. I even came to The Boy's and Girl's Club an hour earlier than I already had been, so I could call hospitals, supply stores and groceries stores for donations. I finagled walkers, wheelchairs, Vaseline, earplugs and chewing gum for our special day.

We had been telling the kids we had something special planned for that day. We wanted as many kids to come as possible and told them to invite friends. That day there were more children at the club than I had ever seen. I was thrilled and a bit nervous. I mean there sat my three professors on the front bleacher!

The children listened intently to me explain that everyone is just temporarily able-bodied, that we all eventually become disabled and they were going to find out what it might feel like today. I went on to let them know there were five stations with a goal and reward for each of them, just for trying.

We split the kids into five equal groups. The room had an air of excitement in it and they were off...

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness.

Titus 2:7

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

'Understanding Disablities' Class 101

2010-07-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

As I stated previously, one of my assignments while I volunteered at The Boy's and Girl's Club was to teach a class of my choosing. Choosing was not so hard. I've always said, "I wish people could get a glimpse into what it's like to be disabled, then they'd be more understanding." Guess what? The topic of my class was 'Understanding Disabilities'.

I wanted each child to experience what the disabled/different-abled go through every day. So on my off time from studying for classes and volunteering, I went to work planning a whole 'Club' day, where they each would undergo a tiny bit of disabled living. I needed it to be very real and as interactive as possible,this way the kids would feel the emotional and physical challenges that face disabled/different-abled community every day.

When I told the professor in charge my idea she was intrigued. She told me she would come and bring the two other professors who had interviewed me for this position. My senior project was an experiment between college and this community. The Psychology department had never done anything like this before. But this was a way they could see what they had put into motion and be able to critic it.

I asked the sight managers permission for the use of the whole gym and if his staff would be willing to help out. He agreed. I was so excited! The stage was set...

I also saw under the sun this example of wisdom that greatly impressed me:

Ecclesiastes 9:13

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Gang's All Here! ... What The Heck Do I Care?!

2010-07-17T09:18:00.000-07:00

As you read earlier the Boys and Girls club that I volunteered at was in a junior high school with lots of gang activity. The gang from this school came to our club and of course they brought with them their 'Gang-Mentality'. This being; we run this school, everyone does what we say, everyone better be afraid of us, even the adults.

I observed this haughty manner for a while and they had it right! Everyone was scared of them. After all each one of them had been suspended at one time or another for disobeying, fighting or bringing a weapon to school (these had even been used on intended targets).

Thank God for my psychological background! From which I had learned how to deal with this attitude, but now was the time to put it into action.

One particular day, the gang and it's leader began bullying another student. I rolled into the middle of the incident, pointed my finger directly in the leader's face and said, "Knock your crap off! Your just a big bully! Get off school property! NOW!" A little shocked that anyone, let alone me in my wheelchair, stood up to him, he said, "I'm leaving, but WATCH YOUR BACK!" This did NOT scare me, it made me very angry. Responding firmly , yet in a calm tone I said, "You don't scare me. I've faced death and I live in Hell. Just look at the body I'm trapped in. Now go home!" Stunned he turned, gathered the other members and left.

The next day the gang members swaggered ever so coolly over to me. The leader said,"Merrym, we got your back!"(their version of an apology). Then they turned and politely began playing basketball.

After that any time they were doing something I considered wrong, I would just get their attention, shake my head slightly and they would quickly stop.

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Proverbs 13:24

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

It's OK To Be Me!!!

2010-07-15T10:07:00.000-07:00

The advisor for my senior project was a professor, who only knew me by reputation, but when we met there was an immediate bond. She and I planned the requirements I needed to fulfill to pass, before I was to start volunteering. I was to spend 1 and 1/2 hours, three days a week, at the club. I was assigned to help in any form needed, and to teach a class about anything of my choosing.

On my first day everyone involved was extremely tentative. I was just trying to figure the program out, the site manager had no idea what I should or could do, the kids were unsure of anyone they didn't know or trust, then add my disability and slurred speech. Mix this all together and the end product, uncertainty.

It took about two weeks of observation for me to fall in love with these awesome children, but it was not that easy for them, even to talk to me. I knew from my study of psychology that if I wanted to be accepted I was going to have to do more than my class required. Without really thinking about it I raised my required four and a half hours a week to being there any time I had available, which was from the opening of the door to the closing of the door.

When the kids saw my commitment to them, the walls they had built very slowly started to fade, but the walls were still there, at the ready to slam back in place if they felt the need arise. This made an air of nervous strain.

The signal that I was totally accepted came when the staff decided to have a slumber party for the girls. There were two female staff members which were required to be there, but they needed one more adult to help keep the girls under control. I volunteered knowing I would not get any sleep, but the girls fun was more important to me.

We played the usual games, pigged out and had a blast acting silly. At about 11:00 p.m. girls started dropping like flies. The other adults were exhausted too, so I told them I would take the 'Night-Watch', they could go to sleep and not worry about things. I had it under control. Reluctant, but tired they agreed.

While most of the girls snoozed, ten girls and I stayed awake. We played truth or dare, and told ghost stories. After we finished that, my butt was hurting, so I moved to a lounge chair. I explained to the girls this was to relieve pressure on certain spots so I wouldn't get sores.

One of the girls asked to try my wheelchair, I saw no harm in it, so I said,"Yes!" She rolled around the room forward a bit, then a spark came to her eyes, turned around and went backwards saying,"Look I'm Merrym!" The other girls gasped in shock and surprise, waiting for my reaction. Pleasantly, complimented I gave her my Cheshire grin and robust chuckle. Immediately the other girl's tension disappeared and they ran to my wheelchair saying, "I get to be Merrym next!"

This proved to me that my example was not going unnoticed. I was showing them it is OK to be who God made you.

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In teaching show integrity.

Titus 2:7

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Let Mer Show You The Way

2010-07-14T07:40:00.001-07:00

Another college class that made an impact on me was my senior project. There were many different things to choose from, but only one appealed to me. The project was to volunteer in our community, tutoring children.

There were quite a few places to pick from, if you were able-bodied (because of changing levels in buildings without elevators), but God had a plan for me. Lucky Me! Only one project was available for me to volunteer at and it was a very involved one. It was helping 'At Risk' kids deal with school, family problems and peer pressure. Its location being at the Boys and Girls club in an intercity school where there was a lot of gang activity.

It had a long application process because it was a very exclusive program. You had to have a extensive background check, be interviewed by three different professors and if you passed their grilling question & answer session, then it was the sight manager's turn to have a swing at you. You had to really want it. I did! Remember, me + children = happiness!

All the interviews went quite well, but the big question that came up each and every time was; What can you, a disabled person bring to this program that it doesn't already have?

The answer simple, as you might think, came quickly, "Perseverance! I want to show that you can do any thing you set your mind to. No matter the obstacles you need to overcome!"

Hallelujah! I was accepted to the program...

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.

James 1:12

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Why me God?! (There but for the grace of God go you)

I'M BACK!

The Gift (Conitnued FINALE)

The Gift (continued, but almost done)

The Gift (continued one more time)

The Gift (Continued Again & Again)

The Gift (Continued Again)

The Gift ( continued XII)

The Gift (continued XI)

The Gift (continued X)

The Gift (continued IX)

The Gift ( Continued VIII)

The Gift (continued VII)

The Gift (continued VI)

The Gift (continued V)

The Gift (continued IV)

The Gift-Remix part 3

The Danger of Complacency

The Gift (Continued III)

The Gift (continued II)

The Gift-Remix Part 2

The Gift-Remix

The Gift (Continued)

The Gift

God's Always There

God's Love Became Mine

Change of Heart

The Student Becomes The Teacher

Confessions of a 46 Year Old Drama Queen

Be Thankful for God's Blessings

Surprise! Surprise!

Thank You For Being A Friend

Knuck-Boom!

Eye Candy

Joy Unspeakable

In All My Merrym-ness!

My Pageant Speech

I'm One of Those People

Put Your Hope In God

Reach Out and Touch Someone

God Is SO Good!!!

Secret Santa

Super Grandma

It Is More Blessed To Give

You Light Up My Life

Give God the Glory

Oh Christams Tree! Oh Christmas Tree!

You CAN Teach An Old Dog New Tricks-Clarence III

It Started With Pickles-Clarence II

Clarence The Prequel

Ace of Hearts

Luke 15:20

Martin

...And The Joy Grows Daily

By The Time I Get Done Crying I'll Be Laughing

Bureaucracy

1 Peter 1:6

One Pill, Two Pill, Three Pill, More?

Jeremiah 29:11

Child-Like Faith

Definitions Through the Ages

Essay for the Ms. Wheelchair Utah Pageant

Virginia

You Really Can't Judge a Book By It's Cover

God's Gift

Phantoms

They Chanted, "Merrym! Merrym!"

Mind Jolts

Courtney Where Are You?!

And God Bless Us Everyone!

Not The Perfect Family? WHAT?!

We 2 Shall Meet

Shark Tank

Wisdom of Youth

More Questions and Answers

God Provides A Way

Reality

One Foot in Heaven

50% Off???

Same Crazy Merrym