God Is SO Good!!!

One-by-one as I delivered each present and Clarence's tree skirt became less visible, my excitement grew as much as his. If by chance there was a doubt in my mind that he was excited, it was quelled by the fact that he left proof under his tree in the form of badly re-wrapped gifts. I'd have to snicker every time I saw his attempted cover up job.

On Christmas Eve I waited until I knew he was asleep then secretly delivered his Santa present and stuffed stocking.

The next morning everyone on our hall was awoken by Clarence's thrilled, boisterous cry's of joy as he opened his gifts. He could not wait to show off his new things. He went door-to-door happily bragging about Santa's visit.

By the time Clarence reached my room at the opposite end of the hall he was physically worn out, but emotionally energized. Out of breath he exclaimed, "Merrym! Look at what God and Santa brought me! God is good!! Very very good!!!" I answered victoriously, "All the time, Bud! All the time!!!"

No one is good--except God alone.
Mark 10:18

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Secret Santa

I needed to go shopping for presents for my children and grandchildren, so the day I arranged to do that I got Clarence his gifts also.

I started by getting his pickles and video poker game, from there I grabbed some small, fun, inexpensive gifts.

• A package of silly straws, so he could enjoy meal times a bit more.
• A pencil sharpener in the shape of a globe. He loved to write.
• A squirt gun, so he could shoot people, getting his anger out without being verbally abusive to others.
• Sugarless candy, a treat that would not effect his blood sugar.
• Etc...

I wrapped them in the brightest colored Christmas paper I could find and 12 days before Christmas I began delivering them. I'd wait for his daily shower, then as soon as he left I'd sneak into his room and deposit one present at a time under his tree.

He'd come to the dinner table very excited. He'd just go on and on about each and every present! He was a totally different person than the angry, bitter man I had met six months earlier. Most of the things I got were nothing special, but to Clarence they were the world and he became happier daily. He told me, "All this makes me forget my problems and pain a bit. It brings back good memories and makes me feel like a child again!"

Thank you God for allowing me to see this wonderful transformation!

Who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Philippians 3:21


I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Super Grandma

Merrym is an excellent grandmother. In fact I think she is a better grandmother than many people, who are able-bodied. She has never allowed her disability to get in the way of spending time with her grandchildren:

• She tends them and even gets one of them off to school when necessary.
• She plays with them, teaching them to be creative as they pretend.
• She helps them to make things, even Christmas presents.
• She teaches them to cook, even if it is just the microwave or a bowl of cereal.
• She teaches them to how to clean.
• She helps them with academic learning.
• She teaches them to respect people and have compassion, especially those who are different.
• She teaches them about God and takes them to church with her.
• She teaches them to pray.
• She teaches them how to be polite.
• She especially teaches them to have fun, whatever they are doing

As you can see, she is Super-Grandma in a wheelchair.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Love, Mother Hen Glory

It Is More Blessed To Give

At meals I picked Clarence's brain for what he wanted Santa to bring him. His answer was simple, "Pickles and a handheld poker game." Easy!" I thought.

I had figured out how much money I needed for each of his requests and found I had more than enough with a bit left over.

Even though it was never spoken it was known by us both that this would be Clarence's last Christmas. I really wanted to make this Christmas the best I could for Clarence, a very memorable one. Underneath his 'beautiful' tree it was totally bare (uncalled for in my book). So I decided if I was efficient with my funds I could get him 12 presents. One for each of the 12 days of Christmas.

He also needed a Christmas stocking, but I wanted it to be a more personalized one than the regular store bought kind. Since I had to wait until I could get a ride to the store, I focused my attention on this task.

I went to the rec-room and gather some Felt, red and green beads, scissors and a glue gun, then went to work. With my unwilling, stroke affected, hands I cut and glued the materials with lots of frustration and love, until I had something that resembled a real stocking. Something I was extremely proud of...

It is more blessed to give than to receive.
Acts 20:35b


I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

You Light Up My Life

Clarence was so proud of his Christmas tree, he showed everyone, even the administrator. People that Clarence hadn't ever talked to on other halls were even talking about the tree and his enthusiasm over it.

Now because of his uncontrollable diabetes Clarence could not leave the nursing home except for doctor appointments and only if he was accompanied by licensed medical personnel. So when an activity of taking a drive to see the Christmas lights was offered, I casually mentioned it in our dinner conversation and his countenance abruptly changed. He said longingly, "I wish I could see the lights. It's been so long since I've seen any. I can hardly remember how beautiful they look. Oh, well! That's how my life goes."

As I wheeled down the hall to return to my room that night, there was a shadow of gloom hanging over my head and I started praying for a solution. By the time I entered my room God, as usual, was faithful and answered my prayer. He said, "Mer give him his own Christmas lights. That way he will have his own light show nightly."

The next Sunday my friend and I stopped to get Clarence a bunch of lights. When I got back from church I gathered together all the CNA's I could find to make this surprise possible.

It worked out perfect, because they had a scheduled shower they were giving him, so he would be out of his room just long enough for us to decorate. After he was safely out of sight we went to work stringing lights every which way, covering every wall. I turned them on and left, undiscovered.

As Clarence reached his door, noticing it ajar, complaints began to fly, until he saw a  light and exclaimed, "What's going on?!" Then entering quickly he started jubilantly yelling, "Wow! Lights! My very own beautiful Christmas lights! Thank you God!"

Christmas joy crossed everyone's face that was in earshot...

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.
Deuteronomy 7:9

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Give God the Glory

The first week in December I made a budget of my monthly 30 dollars and the money my sister, Ann and her husband sent me for my essentials. This way I knew how much I had to work with to make Clarence a nice Christmas.  

I already knew the first thing Clarence needed was a tree. So on Sunday I asked my friend who took me to church to make a extra stop to the craft store on the way home. I grabbed a small fake tree and some decorations for it. I was so excited when I got back, that I tried to decorate it right then, but soon discovered a glue gun was required. I'd have to wait until the next day for the Recreational Therapist's to open their office, so I could borrow one. I quickly found out this was for the best, because the tree was out of sight of prying eye's, if I left it in the rec-room.

Decorating the tree is still quite vivid to me, a memory I'll never forget. I was making something special for a loved one and I got to spend one-on-one time with the Lord praying about everything, especially Clarence.

I decorated whenever I had time available between activities, so I could still hang out with my other friends. By now everyone who had gotten to know me, started looking out for me like parents. So if I didn't show up to my usual functions, they would send a search party for me, find out my secret and let it out.

Finally the day came to present him with the tree. I went to his room and asked him to follow me to the rec-room. He suspiciously agreed. When we entered the room and he saw the present with his name on it, his eyes lit up like the tree in the brightly wrapped box before him. He opened his package with all the excitement of a young child on Christmas morning. Thrill overtook him exclaiming,"A tree! My very own beautiful Christmas tree! Thank you Merrym!" I answered,  "Your welcome, but God made it possible, Bud! Thank Him!" As he happily wheeled away, tree held high, he said loudly, "Thank you Lord!" This brought a joyous tear to my eyes...

Therefore in the east give glory to the LORD; exalt the name of the LORD, the God of Israel, in the islands of the sea.
Isaiah 24:15

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Oh Christams Tree! Oh Christmas Tree!

Soon it was Christmas and me wonderful family started sending me gifts to keep my spirits up during my incarceration (LOL) at the nursing home. One particular thing Peg made sure I had was a tree.

On the day it arrived I was sitting by the front desk talking to/entertaining some other patients, including Clarence. A UPS worker entered with a 3ft-by-6in box and asked for Merrym Bruce. I said, "That's me!" He handed over the clipboard, so I could sign for the package. As I traded invoice for delivery my audience started  voicing their thoughts, "I wonder what that might be?" "Open it! Open it!" etc.

Excitement overcame me and I tore open the box with exuberant, fervor. Inside was the cutest potted evergreen I could imagine. It was decorated already with lights, bulbs and a star. I loved it!

Everyone surrounding me exclaimed, "Oh! That's adorable!" Clarence chimed in with the others and added nonchalantly, "I wish I had a tree. I'm getting tired. I need to go lay down. See you at dinner." Then he turned and left.

Immediately I knew what I was to do next. Give the man who by now was like a brother to me, my awesome dinner companion, Clarence, a Christmas he would never forget...

But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind,
Luke 14:13


I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

You CAN Teach An Old Dog New Tricks-Clarence III

Eventually the dining table that had been reserved just for Clarence became 'Ours' mutually. He even started leaving his room more and coming to meals early just to hang out.

The other people were still very outspoken about Clarence's odor, saying, "Merrym, why are you sitting there? How can you stand that raunchy smell? Or that horrid personality? I knew you were a bit off kilter, but this is too much!" Clarence and I would try our best to ignore them or snap off a witty remark that quickly produced a hush from the mouthy party.

 Later I would visit each person that had made a hurtful comment. With all the love God had afforded me I  gave them a little lesson in perspective no matter their age. "Do you know Clarence can't help how he smells?" I'd ask. "You need to be more understanding! I'm sure you've said this to someone at some time in your life. Put yourself in his shoes. Treat people the way you want to be treated. God loves Clarence as much as He does you!"

Slowly, but gradually the others came around, apologizing to Clarence for the mistreatment they had heaped on him, which caused more of a turn-around in his personality. People began visiting with him to the point that a guest to the facility commented loudly, "Boy! That guy is very popular! I wouldn't mind being in the middle of that crowd." Clarence beamed with pride at what he had just heard...

But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.
Job 16:5

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

It Started With Pickles-Clarence II

As I observed Clarence I began to notice he would only come out of his room to eat. This was just because facility rules dictated that everyone that was not bed-bound eat all meals together. The board of directors and medical staff had met and decided that this was the best idea for their patient's socialization and to ward off depression.

I told you yesterday, that Clarence was extremely self-conscious because of the rotting odor his body was producing and he was also verbally abusive to everyone. This combination caused all the other patients to back away from any contact with him. To get him to the dining-room, the staff had to guarantee him his own table as far away from others as possible.

At times I heard him angrily command the CNA's to go and see if the kitchen had pickles. If by chance it did and Clarence recieved what he called "My favorite food", his demeanor would instantly change to a little nicer person. But each time I saw Clarence I would smile, greeting him cheerfully, receiving the reception of a sneer and an angry growl. But I just pressed on, while God reassured me I was doing His will.

  

Suddenly I got an idea 'PICKLES!' I'd get a bottle of pickles just for him, so he could have one anytime he wanted and I'd replenish them when needed. When someone lives in a nursing home the allotted amount of money anyone on government assistant gets is 30 dollars a month, also my sister and brother-in-law sent some money to help buy essentials (shampoo, soap, etc..). I didn't get much, but I didn't care.

Every Sunday after I went to church I'd ask my ride to stop at the store. I bought pickles for him and tried to send them anonymously! It was a hit, but he would not let the staff have any peace until they revealed who the donor was. As they apologized to me for letting my secret out, they told me that an erasable smile crossed his pain weary face. One they'd never seen before. 

As time progressed Clarence's bitter composure started to wear away. He began to smile and greet me quickly, before a sound could escape my lips. Then one day my newest friend asked me to sit at his table and eat with him. I gladly accepted...

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.
Psalm 14:10

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Clarence The Prequel

As my confidence in who I had become grew, while staying at the nursing home, I began to observe the people around me. I wanted to help every one of my new friends in the ways each of them needed. There were many needs, one being Clarence.

Clarence was a 37 year old man with an extreme case of uncontrollable Diabetes. Most of you know that diabetes is a disease where the body has a difficult time breaking sugar down, so your system can process it into the blood as energy, by the use of insulin. If your body doesn't make enough insulin or if the insulin doesn't work the way it should, blood sugar can't get into your cells and instead it stays in your blood, raising your blood sugar. If too much sugar stays in your blood for a long time, it can damage blood vessels and nerves.

Clarence's insulin would decrease to the point of death, if the nurses did not monitor him hourly. His body would not produce insulin at all, which was causing damage to the point that it was rotting drastically. This produced a horrid smell. Other patients and staff complained about this odor, which made him radically self-conscious. 

To protect himself from the hurt of rejection, he put up a wall of bitterness and spitefulness, that way no one wanted be around him. There was also an act from him of I don't care what you think of me.

I  recognized the anger and smell. I could understood this lonely feeling from being in the LDS hospital, when I first got sick. That's when I knew what God would have me do.

I was to befriend Clarence, find the hurt inside. Then I was to try to be God's heart and hands for Him, by soothing Clarence's hurts and pain. Boy! What a wonderful honor God allowed me!...

But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.

Job 16:5

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Ace of Hearts

Right off the bat, I want to apologize for writing a short post today. See my son, Ace works out of town. His schedule is usually two weeks of rigorous work and being on call 24/7. This is in Wyoming on an oil rig. To make ends meet, he takes any overtime that's offered. This is hard on his family, who don't get enough together time. Also when he's home we make plans for me to visit a couple times. I need my Ace-fix! This month he will only be home for four days, so I'm spending whatever time allotted me with my wonderful son and watching his children for him other times. This way he and Michelle can have a tiny bit of alone time.

This is my lame attempt at a segway back to Ace...

The other day Peg pointed out that I never told you what happened to him after his release from lock-up. Well, when he was freed from his confinement, he was an 18 years old adult. He was extremely angry at me and moved to Idaho to live with his dad. Ace did not talk to me for three years and I had no contact with him or his father.

BUT...years later, after his temper cooled down, I received MY son back, safe and sound.

Praise You God for fulfilling your wonderful promise and giving me the awesome man named Asab Allen Bruce as a friend and confidant!

So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Luke 15:20

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Martin

I had quite a few great experiences from this time in my life. First I want you to know before my visit to the nursing home, even after people had judged me by their preconceived conceptions of disabled people, I, myself was still stereotyping people with differences. After all I wanted to be treated like I had a brain in my head, like my life mattered and I'd become furious when this didn't happen. But I wasn't practicing what I preached. Shame on me!

As my new outlook on life developed I was given a lesson in humility many times over.

Let me tell you about a dear friend of mine named, Martin. He was a 50 year old, scrawny, stand-offish, mentally-challenged man, with the intelligence of a 5 year old, that everyone shied away from. He couldn't talk, yet he let his opinion be known through body language and angry grunts. He was born this way and had lived most of his life institutionalized. He was not a danger to anyone and never thought of escaping, being wheelchair bound, so they allowed him to roam the halls freely.

I had seen Martin in the halls many times, but in my ignorance, I pretended he was invisible. But when God changed my attitude I actually saw this marvelous man. One day as he scooted past me, I smiled saying cheerfully,"Hi Martin!" He jumped in shock. With no fear he screamed angrily, "AAAAAAAAAAAA!" while he rolled away and disappeared. I continued daily greeting him as cordially as possible and got similar results, but God kept reassuring me persistence was the key

One time I saw him and tried again, "Hi Martin! How are you?" Expecting it more now, he stopped in the middle of the hall and looked at me questioningly. I went closer and asked, "Do you feel strong today? Show me your muscles,"as I showed him the sign for strong. He smiled shyly and mimicked my movement. Then I asked him for a hug. With a wary look on his face, he opened his scraggly arms slowly, allowing me to lean in and give him a slight pat on his back.

This became a ritual and over time he got used to me. After a while, EVERY time he'd see me in the halls Martin would make a beeline my way with outstretched arms and a huge smile on his sweet face.

After a while, I taught him about a dozen signs. His favorite being cookie, which he used constantly. Soon people started communicating with Martin and he loved making others laugh, by showing off his muscles with a happy gleam in his eye, as they learned to ask to see them.

I was eyes to the blind and feet to the lame.
Job 29:15

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

...And The Joy Grows Daily

After a joyous breakfast, I made my way to the Recreational Therapy Office to volunteer my time to whatever they needed help with. Shock crossed the therapist's faces and they began to stutter, "Y-y-y-ou w-w-ant to do what?" "I want to help you with any and everything you need help doing," I answered.

It took a week for these frantic, yet thankful women to compile a tiny list. I think it was hard for them to believe an able-bodied person, let alone someone different-abled, would want to relieve them of some of their rigorous duties. It took a lot of coaxing for me to reassure them I was for real and that I wanted (NO NEEDED) a bigger list. Finally they complied one and I was allowed to start my new assignments.

I visited people that never got visits, kept lonely people company, directed lost people where things were located, ran after-hours games, cheered people on in contests, read to the mentally disabled and bed-bound, helped the confused to play bingo and became a sounding board for others.

After about two weeks of this, the administrator called me to his office. Flashbacks of my school days crossed my mind and I was sure I was in trouble. Slinking into the room, with my head bowed, I prepared for my usual tongue lashing. It never came!

Standing and grinning broadly, as I came in the room, the administrator said, "Merrym, I've been watching you lately and I want to thank you for your exuberance. The people in this facility, staff included, are in the highest spirits I've seen since I started here fifteen years ago. It started with you and the joy grows daily. I would like to offer you an official volunteer job as the 'Facility Welcomer'. With your personality anyone who comes in contact with you will feel at ease and they'll have a friend right away. Please consider this?" Without a second thought I agreed. The next week I received a staff name tag with my name and title on it. (So cool!)

During my stay at my home away from home, I was rewarded many times for my volunteer work. I was in the newspaper, got an award for my giving freely and made many new friends in everyone. But the best reward was seeing my wonderful co-patients become more energetic, more outgoing and happier...

A man finds joy in giving!
Proverbs 15:23

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

By The Time I Get Done Crying I'll Be Laughing

By the time I had finished crying and turned around to go to my 'Semi-Private' room (Ha Ha!) a crowd of concerned people had surrounded me. Only then did I see through God's eyes, what had been before me all along, wonderful, vivacious people. Not just another thing I needed to put up with and endure, but wise and caring, people I could learn from.

I gave them a weak smile, which was all I could muster, thanking each and everyone of my new friends for their concern. They returned my smile with absolute, genuine love, which warmed my soul and at that moment my heart felt as though it was going to explode with happiness. Don't get me wrong I still didn't like my situation, but I received a fresh, vigorous strength that encouraged me to handle this recent setback.

As I said my prayers that night I included everyone of those smiling faces, asking God to bless them and praising Him for this new awesome step in my life.

I awoke the next morning with a plan to get involved in every activity and to become more helpful to any and everyone who needed it, even if it brought me out of my comfort zone.

My day began with boisterous greetings of "Good morning!" to anyone who entered my path. This brought an overabundance of double-takes from others not believing the transformation from 'Mopey-Merrym' to 'Exuberant-Merrym', that had happened overnight. This brought forth clamorous, vociferous laughter to my mouth causing more double-takes...


I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile,
Job 9:27

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Bureaucracy

The nursing home I was placed in was located in an old hospital building that had been built in the 1920's. Back in that time the standards for building regulations did not include what we call 'Personal Space', let alone room to maneuver a wheelchair.

Needless to say when I moved in, there was absolutely NO privacy, because there were two occupants per each 6ft.-9ft. room. I was extremely upset about this and was not shy about letting everyone I came in contact with know how I felt. Remember, I'm very obstinate at times and I know God made me this way so that when life got hard I wouldn't just give up.

The thing is I need to be reminded of this, even now. So as I whined, griped under my breath and complained loudly, many people tried their best to console me. "I know it's hard, but it'll only be for ninety days. You can handle that. Can't you?" was the usual response. After hearing this for a while I decided that they were right. I quit moaning and groaning quite as often and started the count down to my release into an assisted living facility with my very own room. Hallelujah!

When I had endured the nursing home with everyone knowing my business for 75 days I went to visit the social worker to get the ball rolling on departure. As I entered her office a look of concern overshadowed her face and she said, "I've been dreading this conversation. See I found out a few days ago that the government is revamping the assisted living program and it will take quite a while. Meaning you have to wait here indefinitely while they complete this, before you can even consider leaving. I'm very sorry!"

I'm sure you could see flames shooting out head I was so mad. I screamed, "What?! Why me, AGAIN?!" I wheeled out of the office in tears, looking for a little privacy and remembered there was none to be found. I rolled face first into a corner and bawled as softly as I could...

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

1 Peter 1:6

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

One Pill, Two Pill, Three Pill, More?

I lived by myself at that address for two years, there were no major illnesses at that time to speak of. But lurking underneath my healthy facade was an extremely big problem.

You see I was in so much pain that all I was able to do was lay in the fetal position, cradling my amputated leg, rocking back-n-forth, and crying. My regular doctor referred me to a 'Pain Specialist', who prescribed the highest doses of pain killers and anxiety medicine that my body could possibly take without causing me to overdose. They figured this out by measuring my height and weight/body mass, then comparing this to how and at what rate each med disperses.        

The problem was after I took the amount prescribed, the pain faded only a tiny bit, but I also became very loopy. I know your thinking, "Of course!" The thing is I was still in a lot of pain and I couldn't remember whether or not I had already taken my meds. Since I was in pain, in my drugged state I'd take more and more, thus causing an overdose. I was rushed to the hospital being close to death and had to spend a few days there detoxing.

After this happened a few times, Glory and I decided assisted living was the thing for me. This way I'd get the medical supervision I so desperately needed and she'd get the peace of mind she so desperately needed.

When I looked into getting on the assisted living program, we found out there was an assessment and waiting period. The regulations stated that it was to be for ninety days in a nursing home. BLEK! I didn't like it, but knew it was necessary and it was all a part of God's plan. One thing I requested was to be placed in the nursing home where I had been before...

 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce