The Gift-Remix part 3

During this hospital stay I had to go through detox while being monitored by medical staff. I know that's 'The Norm' except there is not anything normal about my situation or illnesses. If one thing goes wrong I can go from life-to-death in seconds.

Memories I have of that time are just a jumble of sporadic fragmented flashes...

• One nurse was with me constantly. I needed one-on-one attention to make sure I did not become completely out of control before she could administer a tranquilizer, because I had hurt myself.
• Faces; Peg, Robert, Glory, Ann, Karen, Bill, Ace and Courtney. They were all smiling while tears ran down their faces and comforting words seeped from their quivering lips.
• Throwing up constantly. It was to the point that no matter how many times the staff changed me and tried to catch the vomit, my bed and I were drenched continually.
• Being angry that I couldn't move (they restrained me for my protection).
• The moment Peg said she was sorry, but she had to go home, goodbye and be good, all the while I pleaded for her to take me with her.
• Glory telling me I was once again going to a nursing home. At that point I was ready to just give up on living. God whispered, "Merrym, it's OK! I'm with you where ever you go! Trust Me!"

And I did...

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.

Psalm 28:7

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Danger of Complacency

Our phone rang around 3:00 AM. I reached over to pick up the phone, saying to Tim, "I wonder what's going on?" It was the people who monitor Merrym's emergency calls. They told us that she had slid off the toilet and couldn't get up. They asked if we could go help her. We hurried and left (This is not an unusual thing for us, Merrym has fallen many times during the night). When we got there, I ran in to see if she was decent. I covered her up and had Tim come in. Between the three of us and the railing in the bathroom, we got Merrym up. I helped her clean herself up, got her settled in her chair, asked if she needed anything or needed me to stay and she said she just wanted to go back to sleep. She seemed pretty cheery.

I called Merrym later that morning, and she said she was doing ok. As I said before, this had happened many times and everything seemed normal for Merrym.

When Peggy called later in the day and asked if I had heard from Merrym, I told her what had happened and said she is probably sleeping or gone somewhere. I still wasn't worried.

Thank goodness for the closeness that Peggy and Merrym share. Peggy sensed something was wrong. When Peggy called me telling me Mer was on her way to the hospital, I was in shock. I jumped in my car and got there before the ambulance, meeting Cortney there.

I have also been in the emergency room with Merrym many times, and she really didn't seem that bad to me. She was slurring her speech, but she did that many times when she took certain medicines.

Courtney and I met with a doctor, who told us that Merrym was physically dependent on her drugs. We said we knew that. He said the drugs seemed to be affecting her kidneys and they would have to detox her. This was the third time I had heard this about Merrym: the first time she spent time in the psych ward, because they thought she had overdosed on purpose; the second time she ended up in a nursing home, because they said she was overdosing herself without realizing it; now this time I went home thinking everything was going to be ok, but wondered what they were going to want to do with Merrym.

When they called me the next day, saying they had rushed Merrym to ICU and that her kidneys were shutting down, I was again shocked. Karen and I headed to the hospital to get some answers.....

You women who are so complacent, rise up and listen to me; you daughters who feel secure, hear what I have to say!
Isaiah 32:9

Love,
Mother Hen Glory

The Gift (Continued III)

The next morning I woke up with prayers on my tongue. Went about my day wondering and worrying, when around 2pm the phone sang out "PeggySue, PeggySue, pretty pretty little PeggySue." My ring tone. Of course it was glued to me so I answered quickly with a jolly "Hello!"

It was Glory who wasn't so jolly, more like somber. "I have bad news." she said."What?! Why?!" Blurted from my mouth. "Mer's kidneys have shut down and she stopped breathing. They have her in ICU on life support. She's already yanked the tubes out and damaged her esophagus, so they have her strapped to the bed. The Dr. doesn't think she's going to make it, so you guys need to get here ASAP!"

Shock hit me in the face and my eyes couldn't see through the blur of tears. I choked out the words "Of course, I'll call Ann and Robert."

I hung up, chin to chest, body shaking and started weeping, while saying "Why? Why? She's been through so much already. Why?"

My husband asked what was wrong and I told him "It's Mer, she's not going to make it. I'm headed to Utah ASAP."
"No problem." he said.

I first dialed Ann and explained. She said she would pack but should we fly or drive. I told her I would prefer we pool our money and drive, since I was just coming back from a layoff. She agreed because her husbands business was not doing so well either.I told her I'd call Robert and ask his opinion, then hung up.

I then dialed Robert giving him the lowdown. He said "I'll call my boss but I am definitely going! My vote is to fly, but you'll have to put that on your credit card." I said "That ain't happening for more reasons than one! We are driving!" I called Ann back told her and she offered her suburban.

Anyway, I literally threw some clothes, bath supplies, etc... in a duffel bag, not really knowing or caring what I had. But the one thing I did make sure I had was a funeral outfit, which broke my heart all the more...

He pleaded earnestly with him "My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her, so that she will be healed and live."
Mark 5:23

Love you Mer

The Gift (continued II)

The phone call finally came, it was Glory's voice "Hey Peg I'm at the hospital do you want to talk to Mer?"
My eyes popped open with surprise and I stuttered "W-well of c-course!"
"She's really tired so she can't talk long."
Mer's voice came on the line very quite but happy.
"Hi Pag!"
"Hi Mer, you had me worried."

We had a very short chat and then Glory came back on explaining Mer's situation. She said that Mer's friend Marty had found her in her lounge chair, (remember this is what I heard) she had been sitting on her phone not realizing it, so that's why she didn't answer.

Marty said "Merrym I'm going to call 911."
Mer barely mumbled back, "Why don't I just push my medic alert button?"
Marty responded "Ya!" and she pushed it.

Glory also told me that Mer's kidneys had shut down and her meds had built up in her system to the point of OD-ing. But at this time she was fine and they were doing tests on her kidneys.

This relieved me because I knew she was alive, but scared me thinking "Oh no! Not her kidneys!"

Glory, Karen and Ace were there. Mer's CNA had been informed, she called Courtney and brought her to the hospital, so I knew she was surrounded by love.

"Please have Mer call me tomorrow and let me know how she is doing." I asked Glory.
"Will do, night sis."

Stress flowed from my tightened neck down through my aching shoulder blades and out my finger tips. I felt like a rag doll and desperately needed my pillow. Ahhhh! I could sleep.

But at about 2pm the next afternoon...

So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord the one you love is sick."
John 11:3

I love you Mer

The Gift-Remix Part 2

A few seconds went by while Marty waited for the ambulance. Suddenly the door swung wide without a knock and my son's friend, Alan entered with teeth bared and ready for a fight. He had no idea who Marty was or what he was doing in my apartment.

The paramedics rushed in, gurney in hand, unprepared for the scene before them. Two very protective angry men standing over me, nose-to-nose loudly inquiring who each other was. Someone from the medical team stepped between them and asked my name and how the two of them were connected to me.

As each explained who they were, tempers cooled and emotions turned to concern. The paramedics got me loaded quickly without giving a break down of my condition to my two heroes (because neither was family).

When Glory arrived at the hospital the diagnosis was kidney failure, since mine wasn't working, the medicine I take four times a day was building up in my system causing an overdose; I had also stopped breathing and a tube had to be placed down my throat to keep my airways open. Once again they weren't sure I'd make it...

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Gift-Remix

I don't remember anything about this particular story Peg's telling. I was so out of it that I can't even remember Thanksgiving last year. Obviously my body had growing problems over a large period of time and I didn't recognize this, until it was too late. In my dazed stupor God allowed me enough presence of mind to convey that something was wrong to Peg, Ace and Courtney. I've heard from many others their versions, so I'm going to compile them in one story for you.

It was December 4th. Courtney remembers because it was her son, Nehemiah's birthday and I couldn't even get "Happy Birthday!" out of my mouth before I told her I wasn't feeling well, I was scared because I'd never felt this way and could she please stay the night. Now with all my hospital visits and infections over the years, my children have been desensitized to my claims of fear, that has anything to do with my illness. Also it being my grandsons birthday they had a party planned, Courtney said, "No. I can't Mom. I'll check on you tomorrow and see how you are." then left.

Every December I have a date to go to a special program at my close friend, Kellie's church and it just so happened to be the next night. We had met through her son, Marty and they are an exceptionally, generous and loving family that are now very much a part of my heart. Marty lives in Kansas (you know somewhere over the rainbow and very far away...LOL). Kellie had invited him to the program and was going to let him surprise me, by picking me up for the event.

She dialed my number many times that day to remind me to be ready at 6:00, but I never answered. She was worried, but busy helping at church. She decided Marty better go check on me, even if the surprise was ruined.

When Marty got to my door and there was no answer, he hunted down the maintenance man to get in. When the door swung open what Marty saw stopped his heart. I lay on the floor in an unconscious heap...

It is a land the LORD your God cares for; the eyes of the LORD your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end.
Deuteronomy 11:12

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Gift (Continued)

Thank You God! I found a number that looked like it might be Ace's and dialed.
I was hoping and praying that he was not out of town for work. Please God! Please God!

Michelle answered and put Ace on the line.
I said, "Ace have you heard from your Mom today?"
He replied that he hadn't but had seen her the previous day.
I explained in a panic what my story was.
Ace said "Aunt Peg I live about an hour from Mom and the roads are super icy. My car doesn't do well in this weather, but I'll call my friend Alan who lives a few blocks from her and ask him to go check on her."

I said, "Good! Call me back as soon as you know anything!"

I couldn't think! All I could do was pace around with anger on my breath! I knew! I JUST KNEW! Something was very VERY WRONG!

About a half hour later my phone blares at me again. I literally jumped, snatching it up, almost yelling "HELLO?!"

"Hey Aunt Peg, It's me Ace." Came the voice on the other end of the line.
"Ya, what's up?!"

"Alan went over to Mom's apartment and they were putting her in a ambulance! They won't tell him anything because he's not family! They did say they are rushing her to Ogden Regional, I'm headed there and will call you when I know more!"
CLICK! The phone went dead.

Steam was now spewing from my ears! I was SOOO FURIOUS!

I dialed Glory's number and said, "So do you know where Mer is?!"
"No?" she answered.

With tears welling up in my eyes and trembling lips I yelled, "On the way to the hospital! This didn't have to happen like this! I KNEW, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG! You didn't listen or do ANYTHING! I'm a world away, I can't physically do anything!"

"What!?" she answered in disbelief. "I'm sorry, I just didn't get the urgency, I'm on my way. I'll call you...."

But it is the spirit in a person, the breath of the Almighty, that gives them understanding.
Job 32:8

Love You Mer

The Gift

My turn! It's me PeggySue, I told Mer I wanted to take a turn writing.
This time would be about the flooding memories overwhelming me from last December.
Mer had another near death experience.

So here goes.
It was Friday evening about December 4th, my phone rings with Mer sounding totally exhausted on the other end. She Say's "Pag?" (that's how she pronounces my name with her speech issues) "I am calling to ask you to call me tomorrow and check in on me because I feel like I'm coming down with some form of the flu."
I said, "Of course I will, feel better, love you."

The next morning about 10am, Washington state time, I called Mer. No answer. "Not a problem" I thought, "she's probably in the bathroom."
I called her again at about noon or so, no answer. "Hum?" I thought, and went about my Saturday.
Now, it's about 2pm and I tried again. I let the phone ring and ring and ring. No answer. Now I was worried!
So I think, "I'll call Glory and see if she knows anything about Mer today."
Glory's husband Tim answers the phone and tells me Glory is on her cell chatting with a friend, which I can hear from her voice echoing in the background.
I tell Tim that I need Glory to call me back ASAP about Mer. He reassures me he will.
By 3:30 or so I hear nothing from Glory so I punch in her number one more time.
This time I get her on the phone.
"Why didn't you call me back?" I asked in a huff. "You called?" she replied
"A ya! About an hour and a half ago. Tim said he'd have you get back to me ASAP. What's the deal?!"
"I guess he got side tracked and forgot."
"What?! I told him it was very important, I can't get Mer on the phone. She called last night, was sick and wanted me to call and check on her. I'm worried!"
"Oh Peg, she probably was busy with her CNA showering and all."
This didn't register with me, but Mer doesn't see her CNA on the weekends.
Glory told me that she would call Mer and if she couldn't get her on the phone she would drive over and check on her. This soothed me, but I asked her to call me back as soon as she knew anything.
Two or so hours goes by, no call from Glory. Now I'm furious!
SO, I grab my cell and start scrolling through all the 801 area codes left on my phone from that previous summer when Ace had called me. I still hadn't logged in the number under his name and I knew I didn't have a number for Court...

for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable.
Romans 11:29

Love You Mer

God's Always There

Today I went to a Christmas party at Tri-County Independent Living, an advocacy center for disabled people here in and around the Ogden area. While I was enjoying myself, God jogged my memory by allowing me to run into two very dear old friends that I met in the nursing home.

One being Diane. What attracted us to each other was the fact that we were contemporaries, in the same age-range.

It's hard being younger, in a care center where everyone else is 30-40 years older and not of the same generation. Those older people were so set in their ways that they could convey something to each other with a glance or just one word and then converge on an unwilling, unknowing target to the point of hurting feelings.

After six months of going it alone, I heard of the heart-wrenching story of this occurrence happening to Diane, which left her with tears flooding from her eyes and absolutely drained of energy. I jumped at the chance for an ally.

It was an instant friendship. This gave us someone to unite with, run things by and commiserate with, which was greatly needed. We became best buds, doing things together anytime possible. Eventually we could communicate with a glance or one word, which relieved some of the stress caused by being in such a difficult situation as we were in.

Soon after she got well enough to go home and I was alone again, but just like this situation, God was there for me...

My salvation and my honor depend on God ; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Psalm 62:7

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

God's Love Became Mine

Soon after Carl became like my shadow. Where ever I went he was close behind, skipping, dancing a jig, and grinning with joy.

Every morning he woke bright and early with his exceptionally cheerful attitude. He didn't understand volume control on his voice, so if your room was anywhere in the vicinity of his room, you got a awakening much like a roosters call as the sun comes up.

He didn't know how old he was, but was asked this question daily by one person or another. I made it my goal to find out this and a few other things so we could carry on conversations with people and each other. He flourished with God's encouragement and love.

Eventually there was such an improvement in this shining gem of a man that the staff recommended him for a part time job at a business that specializes in giving disabled people jobs. He was so proud of himself for "growing up" (his words) and getting a job that he would bring me home presents daily, until I put an abrupt stop to it.

When I told him I was leaving the nursing home he ran crying to his room. I followed and said, "Carl, I'm so proud of you. You've learned how to take care of yourself so well that you have a job. Yes, I'm leaving, but I'll come and visit you. OK?" He answered, "OK I'll see you tomorrow." I laughed loudly as we hugged I thought how much fuller my life was for knowing Carl and how much I love this brilliant treasure, with that I said, "Goodbye my friend."

After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.
1 Samuel 18:1

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Change of Heart

When I lived at the nursing I met a 76 year old, mentally disabled man named, Carl. His intellect was that of a 4 year old. He had no idea that he was different than anyone else.

The first time I encountered Carl was at a Bingo game. His child-like demeanor was maddening to everyone, because he spoke loudly and didn't care whether this bothered others. If he didn't win, he threw an ear-splitting fit and stormed off to his room, protesting all the way. He was always clamorously, audible. This made many others very annoyed and they were absolutely cantankerous, using harsh words at him. He didn't always understand what was said, but he got their message through body language and voice level. This broke his heart, after all in his mind, he hadn't done anything to deserve this. 

Seeing that innocent man hurt so much caused me to ask God for help in this matter. Over the next few weeks I watched to see what I could do to modify this behavior, so as to stop the people from abusing this sweet soul. I noticed he loved to copy people he respected, so...

I went out of my way to become his friend, assisting him in filling out his menu, letting him know when activities were happening and anything else he could benefit from. It wasn't a big deal. It was like having another child (remember, I love children).

During our Bingo games I'd save a seat for him, right next to me. Excitedly he'd skip to the chair, then wiggle and squirm, until the game started. While we waited I'd remind him that we cant win every time and that the game was just for fun. When someone else won I'd cheer and clap for them, which he mimicked. Eventually this jewel of a man's disposition changed and other's noticed saying, "Merrym, you've worked wonders with Carl. He doesn't get on our nerves anymore." My answer was simple, saying, "It wasn't me." I pointed to heaven and beamed...

My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused.

Hosea 11:8b

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Student Becomes The Teacher

I babysit my grandchildren at least 40 hours a week and I've tried to impart the love of Jesus to them. But there have been a few times the tables have turned and they've become the teacher. Here are a few...

Just the other day as it began to snow, I began complaining because snow and wheelchairs don't mix well. I looked out the window next to my computer and noticed swirls of snow swimming by my window. Immediately I called 7 year old granddaughter, Brittanie and 3 year old grandson, Nehemiah to view this sight. They came running, while under my breathe I griped, moaned and bellyached. They stared wide eyed out the window at the marvelous, churning picture before them and simultaneously exclaimed, "Wow! God's amazing!" Stunned to silence, I turned with tears of shame in my eye's and looked at the abundance of amazement that stood before me, my beautifully, angelic grandchildren.

Last night I got a call from my daughter-in-law asking if I wanted to watch 15 month old grandson, Merryck for an hour while she did some errands. I've always snatched every chance I can spend with any of my family, but especially grand kids. I want them to have happy memories of our times together and be a Godly example too. Five minutes after I hung up my delightfully, charming grand baby sat on my knee grinning. We played for a while and then he became tired. Now when I rock children to sleep, I sing (it's not pretty, but enjoyable) songs and tell stories of Jesus. Merryck wanted to be held and rocked (the usual). He was impatiently screaming while I transferred from wheelchair to lounge-chair, which made me sullen and I grumbled a bit. I handed him his bottle and reached to pick him up. Abruptly my brilliant grandson stopped crying, jumped in my arms and with the sweetest smile said, "Jesus?!" Once again I marveled at God and his awesome creations

As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.
Corinthians 6:13

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Confessions of a 46 Year Old Drama Queen

I feel the need to confess to you wonderful people about being a flake and allowing the Devil to keep me from writing lately.

My awesome family is going through some difficult times with Peg having Aggressive Cancer in many parts of her body. She has a very upbeat, positive attitude about the whole thing. Doctors have started her on Chemotherapy and she has some amazing people beside her to help and encourage her every step of the way...

I'd like to pause to thank you one and all for being there for my sister in all the ways you have and are. I know God has us all exactly where we can be used, if we are willing to let Him do so. Thank you for your willingness to go above and beyond what the average person would do and become God's hands, feet and heart for my sweet sweet sister.

Now then I've never been on this end of the illness. Meaning I'm the one usually going through the illness and having others worry for me. It's easier for me to put myself in God's hands with no worries involved, just letting go and let God have his will. But I'm trying to get the hang of giving my anxieties over to God when it comes to someone else.

Sounds crazy I know! Yet it's true!

Every since my illness started twenty years ago I've gotten bad migraines due to the scar tissue on my brain. For a while I've been able to deal with the pain and eventually relieve them. But recently the migraines have become so extreme they have literally laid me flat on my back, unable to move without becoming nauseated to the point of puking and not able to write a daily post (I apologize). My headaches have never been this bad and with my Psychological background I'm pretty sure I know why. They started to become worse the day I found out about Peg, my best friend and confidant. I know these headaches a physical manifestation of my worry and if I don't stop I wont be any good for her when she needs me.

So as I said in the above I'm vowing to place my sister, PeggySue in God's hands and trust Him with the outcome. I'm diligently praying for God's will to be done...

Trust in the LORD with all your heart.
Proverbs 3:5a 

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Be Thankful for God's Blessings

Finally I'm getting back on track.

I lived at the nursing home for two years and have some wonderful memories. One in particular was a beautiful, older, African American woman, named Anna. I knew her from my earlier visit when my dad was living there.

We had a common bound. We both knew and loved my father.

 Since I was a young kid compared to the other patients and my mother ask her to look after me, Anna became a constant in my life.

Every time an activity was offered or even just at mealtimes, she would leave her room walking slowly because of the need of a walker, joyously hollering , "Merrym! Merrym! Come on my sweet girl! Let's go participate, socialize, get ourselves out of those stuffy rooms." By the time she was finished with her speech, her head popped from behind the door frame with a glorious smile that no one Not even the Devil, himself could resist.

There was a schedule of activities in every room, so I knew when things were going to happen. I would get ready for each event ahead of time, but I waited to see that inspiring smile before I'd really be prepared for anything.

It was just a small gesture on her part, but Anna was so generous and loving. She was a shining example of God's power, joy and love. I know God put her in my life to boost me up and I praise Him for this.

This has been one of the many examples of inspiration God placed in my path and I never got to thank her before she went to be with Him. Thank you Anna!

 Is there someone in your life that inspires you? Thank them before it's too late.


Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth.
Genesis 9:1

P.S. PeggySue-Thank you for everything you've done and are doing to inspire me! I am truly blessed to have you as a sister and friend. I love you! My prayers are with you!

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Surprise! Surprise!

As most of you know yesterday, November 18th, was my birthday. This made me reflect back to this date twenty years ago.

I was in LDS hospital for the fifth month of my extended vacation, that I so unwillingly took there. My attentive family had done everything possible to make this birthday as normal as they could. They planned a surprise party, inviting all my friends and co-inhabitants, and waited until every family member would be off of work, so they all could make it.

I woke up that day as mischievous as ever and proceeded to give the staff a hard time. Not knowing of the impending event that was coming later that day, I managed to convey, slurred speech and all, that it was my birthday and jokingly wanted to know what each one had gotten me as a gift. They joked back, "We don't even like you! Why on earth would we get you anything?" I'd just giggle and roll on my merry way.

As the day progressed, I used all my energy to be the rollicking jokester I've always been. So by the time dinner rolled around I was exhausted and asked if I could skip the meal, to go straight to bed. They flat out said, "No!" I became furious and loudly started to let them know my opinion on that thought, when I was stunned to silence. There before me stood a large group of family and friends who had come just to see me, with my gorgeous children center stage.

Energy flowed through me like a socket to a plug and all my tiredness drifted away. The rest of my party was a blur of hugs, kisses, pizza and monstrous smiles. I was never so happy to be alive.

I praised God for saving my life, so I could enjoy this awesome display of His love for me.

And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Romans 5:5

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Thank You For Being A Friend

As you know I rocked the pageant. Everyone got an award, we all deserved something. After all we showed our vulnerabilities off, up there on that stage. But I believe by me showing God's joy, I received three awards. I'll name them and explain what each is for:

• The spirit award-In recognition of her outstanding outlook on life. Her attitude is phenomenal and she is full of spunk.
• People's choice-Her online public out-voted the other girls. (Thank you all for contributing!)
• Ms. Congeniality-The other contestants chose her as the most friendly and accommodating. I didn't even process that my fellow contestants picked me until approximately 4 am the next morning.)

and last but not least:

• First Attendant-In recognition of her superior communication skills, motivation, and character. She is an outstanding "roll" model for Utahns of all abilities and wholly exemplifies the Ms. Wheelchair motto: "Keep on Rollin".

I truly was blessed to participate in this awesome event and want to thank God and you all for helping make it possible for me to do so.

Blessings for God’s People.
Joel 3:17

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Knuck-Boom!

From that moment on, a fast friendship formed between J.R. and myself. He was so excited to be the escort of someone of like mind.

As we waited backstage we became more acquainted and he said, "I love your personality and I think we need to make it more apparent to the audience. I want them to get a small taste of your joy and spunk. How about when you finish your speech we bump our fists together?" Once again I didn't think about my answer I just said, "OK! After we do knuckles, lets make our hands look like their exploding." He started jumping up and down like an excited two year old waiting to sit on Santa's lap, muttering, "Goody! Goody! Goody!"

I did my speech, then we proceeded to do the 'knuck-boom' motion. The two combined brought the audience to their feet, laughing and applauding. I've always gone for the laugh, so my mind computed this and suddenly I knew a part of how I would entertain MY audience.

 Each time I did anything a tiny bit noteworthy I 'knuck-boomed' J.R. This was a crowd pleaser that made many people (a lot I didn't even know) feel comfortable enough to freely come at me, hand in fist position, ready to do my signature move...

And James the son of Zebedee, and John the brother of James; and he surnamed them Boanerges, which is, The sons of thunder:
Mark 3:17

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Eye Candy

The night before the pageant I was so excited I couldn't sleep. After watching the clock until 4:00 a.m. I finally dozed off and was awoken at 7:00 a.m. by a remarkably animated call from Michelle. At that moment I was so groggy she was more thrilled about the days events than me. She said, "Wake up sleepy head! You have a big day ahead of you. I'm so excited. Aren't you?" I answered, "Yes! But I didn't get much sleep, so I'm going to snooze until my CNA gets here to help me shower. OK?" We hung up and I closed my eyes, but my mind started going over the many things I needed to remember to do. I gave up on getting any more shut eye, got up and called Michelle back. I let her know I was up and around, getting things in order, so she wouldn't worry.

The building we got ready for the pageant in and had our Soiree at was just two blocks from the venue, so I drove my electric wheelchair down the Salt Lake streets in my pageant dress to get there. That was one of the highlights of the evening, because every few seconds there was a jaw dropping in stunned amazement or finger pointing with a 'Look at That?' glance sent from person-to-person. I did my usual, "Hello! How are you? Have a wonderful evening!" with a energetic wave. This brought the usual, smile and "Thanks?!" Followed by a questioning look.

As I got to the Salt Palace the Events Coordinator began gathering contestants and introducing us to our escorts (The Honor Guard of Fire Stations around Utah...HOT! lol) for the evening. When my escort saw me he ran over, leaped in the air, gestured with a pumped fist exclaiming, "Yes! I got the cool girl!" I just chuckled loudly as I shook his hand. He then said, "My name is J.R. Do I need to help you in any way? Do you need me to drive or push your chair?" I answered without a thought, "No! Just stand there and look pretty! Be my eye candy!" He laughed so hard I thought he was going to lose his balance and said, "They matched us up perfectly. I'm as wild as you. If that's possible?!"...

Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.
Deuteronomy 22:10

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Joy Unspeakable

While the contestants waited for their second interviews with the judges we became restless. Looking around at the bored, anxious faces, I gladly took it upon myself to be the entertainment during this time.

There were vases with roses at each table. I grabbed a flower and used it like a microphone. I started going from table-to-table interviewing people, even the Pageant Coordinator. I said, "Hello! This is Merrym Bruce reporting from the Ms. Wheelchair Utah Pageant. I'd like to know your impressions on the event so far?!" All the others glanced at each other and then looked at me like I was off my rocker (little did they know?...LOL). I then put the rose/mic to their mouths for an answer. The first couple answers were mumbled softly and shyly. BUT me being me I quickly yanked the blossom back and remarked,"Please speak a little louder into the rose!" Suddenly the tension in the room dissipated and a peel of vociferous laughter rang out. Unsolicited comments flew; "Your so funny!", "Your a nut!", and "Your a kick in the pants!" until I was called for my interview. Reluctantly I left my adoring public, but I was energized by them.

I entered the interview room once again and I had to dial myself down a few notches, but there was an electric feeling bouncing from judge to judge. This gave one of them the courage to say, "I know this is not a textbook pageant question, but...Where's your green hair?" I giggled, as the other judges chimed in, "Green hair?!" I then told them about my hair colors and how they change with my whims. Feeling more at ease with my strange persona the questions flowed forth: "How would your children describe you?"-Spunky, Courageous and Non-judgemental. "What do you like about being in a wheelchair?"-I'm at eye-level with children and this opens doors of communication about being proud of who you are, no matter the differences you have. "Why do your wear your hair like that?"-I've always been different and love to stand out. Mostly, people in general try to ignore disabled people and people with Mohawks, but put them together and no one can ignore me! It gives them and me an opening into conversation. By the time I left that room there was a unexplainable joy.

As I gathered my things to go home everyone came and thanked me for 'Being Me' and putting them at ease...

Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory.
1 Peter 1:8


I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

In All My Merrym-ness!

As I entered the room with the three extremely serious judges, I could feel the tension that they unknowingly displayed. But because of the prayer I had said moments before I was at ease knowing whatever happened was God's will, so I was more determined than ever to be myself.

I rolled up to the table with a confidence that stunned all the judges, sending a questioning look between them. This brought an enormous smile to my face and a eager greeting to my lips, which in turn brought more quizzical looks to their solemn veneers.

The judges went about asking their usual, formal, stodgy questions. I answered each with all the joy God had afforded me and their business-like facades began to slowly melt.

Suddenly, as soon as it started, my first seven minute interview was over and I happily returned to the conference room with the other contestants, where Mark Eaton was just wrapping his session of helping up. He then said, "Well ladies, I'm finished now. Is there anything else you want me to do for you?" In all my Merrym-ness I piped in, "Tap dance! We want you to tap dance for us!" Boisterous laughter filled the room as Mark's jaw dropped wide opened, stuttering he exclaimed. "I can't d-d-d-ance!" Unafraid, I quickly answered with an overly silly grin, "Mark, you never gave us any restrictions! You just asked what we wanted you to do! Golly!" Relief flowed across his face when the Pageant Coordinator rescued him saying, "Thank you Mark! I'll take it from here," in an amused tone...

God had given them great joy.
Nehemiah 12:43


I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce        

My Pageant Speech

A week later it was time to meet the judges and have our one-on-one interviews. The contestants all wore their Sunday best and Mark Eaton, number 53 of the Jazz basketball team was in our midst to help us with our speeches for the pageant.

As you've learned through this blog, I act like me, not allowing any reaction or snide comment to phase me outwardly. People I love and respect figured this out many years ago and  have just come to accept me as I am. So if I never change for them, then why in the world would I comply to the outside world's views?

Right away I was excited because we were placed at different tables, which gave me a chance to get to know several other contestants more intimately (Awesome!).

After we ate breakfast (I had Michelle take her turn tasting...HA! HA! I got her back! LOL) it was time to start the interview process. During which Mark Eaton went from girl to girl reviewing what we wanted to tell others about us, which had to be done in two minutes. Here's my final draft:

    One hot August day I awoke in a hospital bed with 3 stern doctors standing over me,...six months earlier I was dancing for a living, with no cares in the world. Not knowing what had happened, I glanced down, and saw my leg mangled beyond recognition, ravaged by the flesh eating virus. Doctors proclaimed; I would live my life as an invalid. At first I believed them, but eventually my tenacious spirit could not be held back by depression or the medical opinions of human beings. I decided that what counted in my life was what God and I thought was possible.

I wanted to be a good example for my children So I stepped out on faith and went back to college. I was scared, but God helped me through it. I proved to others and myself alike that; No matter the obstacles life puts in your way, YOU can accomplish anything you set your mind to do, with perseverance,…family… and God!

All this has helped me to realize that; I’m not disabled. I’m different-abled! I do things differently than others. I also found a new better me in the process. Someone who is unafraid to try new and unusual things. Someone more excepting. Someone more loving. Someone I could be proud of. Mostly someone my children and grandchildren can be proud of!…I am blessed and so are you!

When they called me for my first seven minute interview with the judges, I was nervous,  but I prayed and put myself in God's hands...


Then even the bravest soldier, whose hearts is like the heart of a lion, will melt with fear, for all Israel knows that your Father is a fighter and that those with him are brave.
2nd Samuel 17:10

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

I'm One of Those People

Three weeks before the pageant we, the contestants, met for the first time for orientation. There, even I, disabilities, medical problems and all was humbled by the awesome strength and determination that was displayed by all 13 contenders.

There was some with Cerebral Palsy, others who were Quadriplegics, had Down Syndrome and unknown disabilities. But the most amazing to me were two young sisters, ages 3 & 10 years old, with Spina Bifida.  What was so amazing is the marvelous joy they exuded, which I believe was what kept their extremely giving family so strong. With just a tiny smile the whole room lit up and everyone fell totally in love, wanting to scoop them up and take them home.

After our meet and greet, they fed us a lunch with many new and exciting things to try.

Let me pause for moment and explain, we each brought a companion, mine being my wonderfully sweet and caring daughter-in-law, Michelle. Now, Michelle is a very picky eater, so...

She had me try every food, especially the more exotic looking stuff and then entertained herself by watching each of my responses (The Brat! LOL). As we ate they went over the game plan of events.

It was a blast! My most favorite memory of that day was the reactions I received from the others about not conforming to their ideas of a beauty pageant contestant, inner beauty or not, with my Mohawk and spirited attitude of: This is me!  Take me as I am!...

I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people.
John Lennon

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Put Your Hope In God

Today after after such a wonderfully, awesome time at the Ms. Wheelchair Utah  Pageant my head is spinning with so many images and fun stories to tell. Once again I'm completely overwhelmed with God's awesome power and love for us all!

I guess the beginning is a good place to start (I'm so silly!)

As many of you know when I heard about this event I asked if you wonderful people thought I should compete and whether anyone had ideas how to go about finding the funds for my application fee.  First I was gently reminded to pray for God's blessing and provision. Wow! Even after all the things I've been through I needed to be reminded of this!

Immediately I stopped what I had been doing, bowed my head and ask the Lord His opinion on the subject. As I looked up from my prayer your responses were instantaneous! From offering ideas of asking businesses to sponsor me to you donating money yourselves. Money started spilling in like sands of an hourglass and two days before the fee was due I had enough to apply.

Then it was time to worry about a pageant dress. I remembered to put it in God's hands this time and prayed (pat myself on the back LOL). Once more friends, family and businesses very generously contributed an abundance of money. Which allowed me to get a dress, accessories and makeup with your awesome help. Thank you all for allowing God to use you to help me with an experience of a lifetime...

Put your hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.
1 Timothy 6:17



I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Reach Out and Touch Someone

Hey blog fans Mer asked if I'd write today, as she is in Salt Lake City for the Ms. Wheelchair UT Competition. So exciting for her!

I have not joined in on the blog lately, because I was at a physical distance from Mer during much of this time, since she now lived in Utah and I was still in Washington state. I called as often as possible, sent as many care packages as I could afford and supported her with money if she had a need.

I know she was very lonely at times and some what depressed. I think the thing I'd like to say here isn't really a part of the story in any way, but so important to those who are in need. Be it physical, financial, emotional or spiritual.

We all need to reach out to one another in any way we can, ESPECIALLY TO FAMILY!
Giving time is one of the most important things we can do for people who are down on their luck. A phone call or a visit means all the world to them. If you can't do that, then send some homemade cookies, a personal note, some warm cozy socks, a movie or their favorite snack. Believe me just the little things, as you read with Mer's friend, Clarence, can brighten someones day.

Reaching out to others is just as good for each of us as it is for the one you are reaching out to.

I hope this suffices for today, may each of you be blessed!

Surely it is you who love the people; all the holy ones are in your hand. At your feet they all bow down and from you receive instruction.
Deuteronomy 33:3

Love You Mer

God Is SO Good!!!

One-by-one as I delivered each present and Clarence's tree skirt became less visible, my excitement grew as much as his. If by chance there was a doubt in my mind that he was excited, it was quelled by the fact that he left proof under his tree in the form of badly re-wrapped gifts. I'd have to snicker every time I saw his attempted cover up job.

On Christmas Eve I waited until I knew he was asleep then secretly delivered his Santa present and stuffed stocking.

The next morning everyone on our hall was awoken by Clarence's thrilled, boisterous cry's of joy as he opened his gifts. He could not wait to show off his new things. He went door-to-door happily bragging about Santa's visit.

By the time Clarence reached my room at the opposite end of the hall he was physically worn out, but emotionally energized. Out of breath he exclaimed, "Merrym! Look at what God and Santa brought me! God is good!! Very very good!!!" I answered victoriously, "All the time, Bud! All the time!!!"

No one is good--except God alone.
Mark 10:18

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Secret Santa

I needed to go shopping for presents for my children and grandchildren, so the day I arranged to do that I got Clarence his gifts also.

I started by getting his pickles and video poker game, from there I grabbed some small, fun, inexpensive gifts.

• A package of silly straws, so he could enjoy meal times a bit more.
• A pencil sharpener in the shape of a globe. He loved to write.
• A squirt gun, so he could shoot people, getting his anger out without being verbally abusive to others.
• Sugarless candy, a treat that would not effect his blood sugar.
• Etc...

I wrapped them in the brightest colored Christmas paper I could find and 12 days before Christmas I began delivering them. I'd wait for his daily shower, then as soon as he left I'd sneak into his room and deposit one present at a time under his tree.

He'd come to the dinner table very excited. He'd just go on and on about each and every present! He was a totally different person than the angry, bitter man I had met six months earlier. Most of the things I got were nothing special, but to Clarence they were the world and he became happier daily. He told me, "All this makes me forget my problems and pain a bit. It brings back good memories and makes me feel like a child again!"

Thank you God for allowing me to see this wonderful transformation!

Who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Philippians 3:21


I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Super Grandma

Merrym is an excellent grandmother. In fact I think she is a better grandmother than many people, who are able-bodied. She has never allowed her disability to get in the way of spending time with her grandchildren:

• She tends them and even gets one of them off to school when necessary.
• She plays with them, teaching them to be creative as they pretend.
• She helps them to make things, even Christmas presents.
• She teaches them to cook, even if it is just the microwave or a bowl of cereal.
• She teaches them to how to clean.
• She helps them with academic learning.
• She teaches them to respect people and have compassion, especially those who are different.
• She teaches them about God and takes them to church with her.
• She teaches them to pray.
• She teaches them how to be polite.
• She especially teaches them to have fun, whatever they are doing

As you can see, she is Super-Grandma in a wheelchair.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Love, Mother Hen Glory

It Is More Blessed To Give

At meals I picked Clarence's brain for what he wanted Santa to bring him. His answer was simple, "Pickles and a handheld poker game." Easy!" I thought.

I had figured out how much money I needed for each of his requests and found I had more than enough with a bit left over.

Even though it was never spoken it was known by us both that this would be Clarence's last Christmas. I really wanted to make this Christmas the best I could for Clarence, a very memorable one. Underneath his 'beautiful' tree it was totally bare (uncalled for in my book). So I decided if I was efficient with my funds I could get him 12 presents. One for each of the 12 days of Christmas.

He also needed a Christmas stocking, but I wanted it to be a more personalized one than the regular store bought kind. Since I had to wait until I could get a ride to the store, I focused my attention on this task.

I went to the rec-room and gather some Felt, red and green beads, scissors and a glue gun, then went to work. With my unwilling, stroke affected, hands I cut and glued the materials with lots of frustration and love, until I had something that resembled a real stocking. Something I was extremely proud of...

It is more blessed to give than to receive.
Acts 20:35b


I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

You Light Up My Life

Clarence was so proud of his Christmas tree, he showed everyone, even the administrator. People that Clarence hadn't ever talked to on other halls were even talking about the tree and his enthusiasm over it.

Now because of his uncontrollable diabetes Clarence could not leave the nursing home except for doctor appointments and only if he was accompanied by licensed medical personnel. So when an activity of taking a drive to see the Christmas lights was offered, I casually mentioned it in our dinner conversation and his countenance abruptly changed. He said longingly, "I wish I could see the lights. It's been so long since I've seen any. I can hardly remember how beautiful they look. Oh, well! That's how my life goes."

As I wheeled down the hall to return to my room that night, there was a shadow of gloom hanging over my head and I started praying for a solution. By the time I entered my room God, as usual, was faithful and answered my prayer. He said, "Mer give him his own Christmas lights. That way he will have his own light show nightly."

The next Sunday my friend and I stopped to get Clarence a bunch of lights. When I got back from church I gathered together all the CNA's I could find to make this surprise possible.

It worked out perfect, because they had a scheduled shower they were giving him, so he would be out of his room just long enough for us to decorate. After he was safely out of sight we went to work stringing lights every which way, covering every wall. I turned them on and left, undiscovered.

As Clarence reached his door, noticing it ajar, complaints began to fly, until he saw a  light and exclaimed, "What's going on?!" Then entering quickly he started jubilantly yelling, "Wow! Lights! My very own beautiful Christmas lights! Thank you God!"

Christmas joy crossed everyone's face that was in earshot...

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.
Deuteronomy 7:9

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Give God the Glory

The first week in December I made a budget of my monthly 30 dollars and the money my sister, Ann and her husband sent me for my essentials. This way I knew how much I had to work with to make Clarence a nice Christmas.  

I already knew the first thing Clarence needed was a tree. So on Sunday I asked my friend who took me to church to make a extra stop to the craft store on the way home. I grabbed a small fake tree and some decorations for it. I was so excited when I got back, that I tried to decorate it right then, but soon discovered a glue gun was required. I'd have to wait until the next day for the Recreational Therapist's to open their office, so I could borrow one. I quickly found out this was for the best, because the tree was out of sight of prying eye's, if I left it in the rec-room.

Decorating the tree is still quite vivid to me, a memory I'll never forget. I was making something special for a loved one and I got to spend one-on-one time with the Lord praying about everything, especially Clarence.

I decorated whenever I had time available between activities, so I could still hang out with my other friends. By now everyone who had gotten to know me, started looking out for me like parents. So if I didn't show up to my usual functions, they would send a search party for me, find out my secret and let it out.

Finally the day came to present him with the tree. I went to his room and asked him to follow me to the rec-room. He suspiciously agreed. When we entered the room and he saw the present with his name on it, his eyes lit up like the tree in the brightly wrapped box before him. He opened his package with all the excitement of a young child on Christmas morning. Thrill overtook him exclaiming,"A tree! My very own beautiful Christmas tree! Thank you Merrym!" I answered,  "Your welcome, but God made it possible, Bud! Thank Him!" As he happily wheeled away, tree held high, he said loudly, "Thank you Lord!" This brought a joyous tear to my eyes...

Therefore in the east give glory to the LORD; exalt the name of the LORD, the God of Israel, in the islands of the sea.
Isaiah 24:15

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Oh Christams Tree! Oh Christmas Tree!

Soon it was Christmas and me wonderful family started sending me gifts to keep my spirits up during my incarceration (LOL) at the nursing home. One particular thing Peg made sure I had was a tree.

On the day it arrived I was sitting by the front desk talking to/entertaining some other patients, including Clarence. A UPS worker entered with a 3ft-by-6in box and asked for Merrym Bruce. I said, "That's me!" He handed over the clipboard, so I could sign for the package. As I traded invoice for delivery my audience started  voicing their thoughts, "I wonder what that might be?" "Open it! Open it!" etc.

Excitement overcame me and I tore open the box with exuberant, fervor. Inside was the cutest potted evergreen I could imagine. It was decorated already with lights, bulbs and a star. I loved it!

Everyone surrounding me exclaimed, "Oh! That's adorable!" Clarence chimed in with the others and added nonchalantly, "I wish I had a tree. I'm getting tired. I need to go lay down. See you at dinner." Then he turned and left.

Immediately I knew what I was to do next. Give the man who by now was like a brother to me, my awesome dinner companion, Clarence, a Christmas he would never forget...

But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind,
Luke 14:13


I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

You CAN Teach An Old Dog New Tricks-Clarence III

Eventually the dining table that had been reserved just for Clarence became 'Ours' mutually. He even started leaving his room more and coming to meals early just to hang out.

The other people were still very outspoken about Clarence's odor, saying, "Merrym, why are you sitting there? How can you stand that raunchy smell? Or that horrid personality? I knew you were a bit off kilter, but this is too much!" Clarence and I would try our best to ignore them or snap off a witty remark that quickly produced a hush from the mouthy party.

 Later I would visit each person that had made a hurtful comment. With all the love God had afforded me I  gave them a little lesson in perspective no matter their age. "Do you know Clarence can't help how he smells?" I'd ask. "You need to be more understanding! I'm sure you've said this to someone at some time in your life. Put yourself in his shoes. Treat people the way you want to be treated. God loves Clarence as much as He does you!"

Slowly, but gradually the others came around, apologizing to Clarence for the mistreatment they had heaped on him, which caused more of a turn-around in his personality. People began visiting with him to the point that a guest to the facility commented loudly, "Boy! That guy is very popular! I wouldn't mind being in the middle of that crowd." Clarence beamed with pride at what he had just heard...

But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.
Job 16:5

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

It Started With Pickles-Clarence II

As I observed Clarence I began to notice he would only come out of his room to eat. This was just because facility rules dictated that everyone that was not bed-bound eat all meals together. The board of directors and medical staff had met and decided that this was the best idea for their patient's socialization and to ward off depression.

I told you yesterday, that Clarence was extremely self-conscious because of the rotting odor his body was producing and he was also verbally abusive to everyone. This combination caused all the other patients to back away from any contact with him. To get him to the dining-room, the staff had to guarantee him his own table as far away from others as possible.

At times I heard him angrily command the CNA's to go and see if the kitchen had pickles. If by chance it did and Clarence recieved what he called "My favorite food", his demeanor would instantly change to a little nicer person. But each time I saw Clarence I would smile, greeting him cheerfully, receiving the reception of a sneer and an angry growl. But I just pressed on, while God reassured me I was doing His will.

  

Suddenly I got an idea 'PICKLES!' I'd get a bottle of pickles just for him, so he could have one anytime he wanted and I'd replenish them when needed. When someone lives in a nursing home the allotted amount of money anyone on government assistant gets is 30 dollars a month, also my sister and brother-in-law sent some money to help buy essentials (shampoo, soap, etc..). I didn't get much, but I didn't care.

Every Sunday after I went to church I'd ask my ride to stop at the store. I bought pickles for him and tried to send them anonymously! It was a hit, but he would not let the staff have any peace until they revealed who the donor was. As they apologized to me for letting my secret out, they told me that an erasable smile crossed his pain weary face. One they'd never seen before. 

As time progressed Clarence's bitter composure started to wear away. He began to smile and greet me quickly, before a sound could escape my lips. Then one day my newest friend asked me to sit at his table and eat with him. I gladly accepted...

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.
Psalm 14:10

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Clarence The Prequel

As my confidence in who I had become grew, while staying at the nursing home, I began to observe the people around me. I wanted to help every one of my new friends in the ways each of them needed. There were many needs, one being Clarence.

Clarence was a 37 year old man with an extreme case of uncontrollable Diabetes. Most of you know that diabetes is a disease where the body has a difficult time breaking sugar down, so your system can process it into the blood as energy, by the use of insulin. If your body doesn't make enough insulin or if the insulin doesn't work the way it should, blood sugar can't get into your cells and instead it stays in your blood, raising your blood sugar. If too much sugar stays in your blood for a long time, it can damage blood vessels and nerves.

Clarence's insulin would decrease to the point of death, if the nurses did not monitor him hourly. His body would not produce insulin at all, which was causing damage to the point that it was rotting drastically. This produced a horrid smell. Other patients and staff complained about this odor, which made him radically self-conscious. 

To protect himself from the hurt of rejection, he put up a wall of bitterness and spitefulness, that way no one wanted be around him. There was also an act from him of I don't care what you think of me.

I  recognized the anger and smell. I could understood this lonely feeling from being in the LDS hospital, when I first got sick. That's when I knew what God would have me do.

I was to befriend Clarence, find the hurt inside. Then I was to try to be God's heart and hands for Him, by soothing Clarence's hurts and pain. Boy! What a wonderful honor God allowed me!...

But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.

Job 16:5

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Ace of Hearts

Right off the bat, I want to apologize for writing a short post today. See my son, Ace works out of town. His schedule is usually two weeks of rigorous work and being on call 24/7. This is in Wyoming on an oil rig. To make ends meet, he takes any overtime that's offered. This is hard on his family, who don't get enough together time. Also when he's home we make plans for me to visit a couple times. I need my Ace-fix! This month he will only be home for four days, so I'm spending whatever time allotted me with my wonderful son and watching his children for him other times. This way he and Michelle can have a tiny bit of alone time.

This is my lame attempt at a segway back to Ace...

The other day Peg pointed out that I never told you what happened to him after his release from lock-up. Well, when he was freed from his confinement, he was an 18 years old adult. He was extremely angry at me and moved to Idaho to live with his dad. Ace did not talk to me for three years and I had no contact with him or his father.

BUT...years later, after his temper cooled down, I received MY son back, safe and sound.

Praise You God for fulfilling your wonderful promise and giving me the awesome man named Asab Allen Bruce as a friend and confidant!

So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Luke 15:20

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Martin

I had quite a few great experiences from this time in my life. First I want you to know before my visit to the nursing home, even after people had judged me by their preconceived conceptions of disabled people, I, myself was still stereotyping people with differences. After all I wanted to be treated like I had a brain in my head, like my life mattered and I'd become furious when this didn't happen. But I wasn't practicing what I preached. Shame on me!

As my new outlook on life developed I was given a lesson in humility many times over.

Let me tell you about a dear friend of mine named, Martin. He was a 50 year old, scrawny, stand-offish, mentally-challenged man, with the intelligence of a 5 year old, that everyone shied away from. He couldn't talk, yet he let his opinion be known through body language and angry grunts. He was born this way and had lived most of his life institutionalized. He was not a danger to anyone and never thought of escaping, being wheelchair bound, so they allowed him to roam the halls freely.

I had seen Martin in the halls many times, but in my ignorance, I pretended he was invisible. But when God changed my attitude I actually saw this marvelous man. One day as he scooted past me, I smiled saying cheerfully,"Hi Martin!" He jumped in shock. With no fear he screamed angrily, "AAAAAAAAAAAA!" while he rolled away and disappeared. I continued daily greeting him as cordially as possible and got similar results, but God kept reassuring me persistence was the key

One time I saw him and tried again, "Hi Martin! How are you?" Expecting it more now, he stopped in the middle of the hall and looked at me questioningly. I went closer and asked, "Do you feel strong today? Show me your muscles,"as I showed him the sign for strong. He smiled shyly and mimicked my movement. Then I asked him for a hug. With a wary look on his face, he opened his scraggly arms slowly, allowing me to lean in and give him a slight pat on his back.

This became a ritual and over time he got used to me. After a while, EVERY time he'd see me in the halls Martin would make a beeline my way with outstretched arms and a huge smile on his sweet face.

After a while, I taught him about a dozen signs. His favorite being cookie, which he used constantly. Soon people started communicating with Martin and he loved making others laugh, by showing off his muscles with a happy gleam in his eye, as they learned to ask to see them.

I was eyes to the blind and feet to the lame.
Job 29:15

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce