Together Again

The time was coming quickly for school to start. I had to make sure that Asab was out of the hospital in time for him to go to school. I met with counselors, doctors and nurses to make sure he was progressing.

I had to laugh the day that Asab's dad went to visit him. He called me and he was steaming. How dare they keep him from seeing his own son? Why was I in charge of Asab? I reminded him that I had given him a chance to check Asab into the hospital. I told him I would call right away and tell them to let him visit. He tried to change things once he was inside, but they said "No, Glory is in charge because she is the one who checked Asab in". While he was visiting they let him know that Asab needed new shoes badly. They asked him to buy him a pair and bring them down. Well I bet you can guess what happened, but I'll tell you any way. He called me and let me know that Asab needed new shoes. He said since I was in charge I could furnish them. "What a loving, caring dad!" Of course I bought the shoes and took them to him.

Asab got out of the hospital about two days before school started. I took the kids school shopping, took them to meet Roxanne (the baby-sitter), took them to look around the school and made arrangements to drop the kids off early in the morning for school until their mom came and they could ride the bus.

School started and all went well. It was definitely more work getting three of us ready and to school, but somehow I managed. The kids were getting excited about Merrym coming (so was I). The children started making pictures and things to decorate the house. We made a welcome sign. We were ready!

The day Merrym was scheduled to come home the children couldn't contain themselves. Waiting at the airport was the worst. They were extremely antsy. The plane landed and people started coming through the door. More people came and still no Merrym. I thought the kids were going to cry when it seemed that no one else was coming through the door. "Where's mommy?" We stood there waiting in anticipation and suddenly there she was. The kids ran so fast I thought they would knock Merrym over, wheelchair and all. The drive home was totally crazy. Merrym had to sit in the front because of her leg. The children wanted to hug her and sit in her lap. I finally had to threaten them so they would stay in their seat belts.

When we got to the house and showed Merrym around. We were all excited. I knew that I needed to let them have some together time without me. I walked the 40 feet to my back door and breathed a sigh of relief. "Dear God, I know it seems like things are all done, but I hear you telling me that it's just the beginning of a new way of life. I'm so glad I have you to help me."

Joseph and his chariot made ready and went to Goshen to meet his father, Israel. As soon as Joseph appeared before him, he threw his arms around his father and wept for a long time. Genesis 46:29

Love Mother Hen Glory

Being in God's Will

I realize that Merrym has told you about her first night home, but I need to go back and relay a few things that happened before this wonderful reunion.

I had the date and time that Asab and Courtney were arriving at the airport (remember they were coming to stay w/ me until Mer could get here). I felt like I should let their dad and step-mom know so they could decide if they wanted to meet the kids at the airport. They said they would try. Amazingly enough they did come and were there as those two, terrified, little children walked off the plane with the stewardess, into what was to them 'the unknown'. It felt very uncomfortable as the three of us stood there waiting. Both the kids ran straight to me and jumped into my arms. I felt a little guilty so I made sure they hugged their dad and step-mom. Dad asked me, "Where are the kids staying?" I told him how Asab had to be taken directly to Primary Children's Hospital and that I had the house ready for Merrym and the kids when she arrived. I also told him I did not know how long it would take to check Asab in to the hospital and made the assumption that they would want to go make sure he was settled. I was shocked when they said they would let me take Asab and the they would take Courtney with them (using the excuse she was probably tired). I was angry that they were not more concerned about Asab and was hesitant to let Courtney out of my sight, but after all, he was the 'dad'. So I let her go with them.

I took Ace and got him all checked in. There were so many rules, not just for Asab, but for anyone who was visiting. And believe it or not, sweet justice was served: Because the dad had not checked Asab in, he could not visit without my permission (no one could).

That night I didn't sleep very well because I was so worried that dad and step-mom would try to keep Courtney. How could I have been so dumb, letting them know when the kids were coming, but that worry was precious, wasted time. They called me almost before I got out of bed (I'm an early riser) and wanted me to come pick Courtney up!

That night Courtney had an earache. She was crying and wanted her mommy. I doctored her and got her ready for bed. Then I said, "Do you want to sleep with Aunt Glory?" Of course the answer was yes. I cuddled her in my arms and soothed her tears. As she dozed off, I prayed: "Thank you God for helping me make the right decision. I know it's your will that Merrym and the kids are going to be living here."

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these". Matthew 19:14

Love, Mother Hen Glory

Home At Last

By the time I had reached Utah, Asab had been released from the hospital, PRAISE THE LORD! I was met at the airport by three extremely wide grins (Glory, Asab and Courtney).

On the way home (MY very own home), Glory explained about all the wonderful people and their generosity towards my household. I was in "Awe" of God's power.

It was late afternoon when we reached home so dinnertime was upon us. Glory ran home, which was just next door, to check her messages and to give us some alone time.

Mean while, my kids and I started on our new adventure first of which was learning how to cook together. With my spasmodic hands I quickly became supervisor, while the kids, six and seven by then, did the preparation. They listened intently and followed my lead well. There was absolute happiness in that house. We were back together like our family should have been. Yay!!

When we finished making dinner for four, I called next door and invited our neighbor, (Glory) to dinner. It was nothing fancy just Mac-n-Cheese, green beans and hot dogs, but they were so delicious, because "We" had made them ourselves in "Our" own home.

Then we got ready for bed. We had a two bedroom, but that night my family slept in the same room, same bed, in each others arms. As soon as my children were in my arms safe again they automatically melted asleep without a peep or any movement. I lay awake for quite a while, enjoying my new found "independence," my family being where I could touch them and praising the Lord!

Jesus did not let him, but said, "Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you."
Mark 5:19

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Preparing the Way

While Peggy and Merrym were working on getting things ready for the kids to move, the surgery, the packing and the new adjustments, on my end I was wondering what I had got myself into.

Could I do everything that had to be done? Both of my daughters lived in other states and I was used to living by myself, only taking care of me. Now there would be two little kids and Merrym. I can look back and see God's hand in the fact that I had taken first-aid and CPR. I had even become an instructor. But all this trained me for was what to do in case of an emergency, not what to do in an on-going medical situation. It's a good thing God does not allow us to see our future ahead of time, because I would have been shaking in my shoes. I think anyone would have felt the same way and I could empathize with what Peggy had done.

Instead I just concentrated on the work that had to be done to get ready for Merrym. We had a date when the children would arrive. They would be here 3 weeks before school started. "Oh no, I hadn't even thought about school!"

I worked steadily painting and cleaning. Dave had poured the cement ramps before he and Mom went back to New Mexico. At least I could get her into the house. As I talked to different friends about the situation, furniture and other housekeeping items came pouring in. Before I knew it, all was ready for Merrym.

I called the school district and found out which school the kids would go to. I went and visited the principal and explained the situation. She would try to place them with understanding teachers. Asab would be in second grade and Courtney would be in first grade. Then came the question of how the kids would get to school. I knew from raising my children here, that a bus would pick them up, but it was on a busy four-lane highway (55 mph) and about 70 yards from the house. I had to leave for work at around 7:00 AM. There was no way this was going to work, but then having been a teacher in that same district for awhile, I realized I could call their transportation office. I explained, they came out, looked the situation over and decided that the bus could come down into our little dead-end frontage road and turn around. It would pick the kids up right in front of Merrym's house. Wow, is God good or what?!

I had one more thing to work out. The kids would be in school for 2 weeks before Merrym would arrive. Courtney and Asab would be getting home before I would. But of course God had this planned also. There was a really wonderful lady in my church named Roxanne, who lived about two miles from the kids school. She did not work outside the home, so she agreed to pick the kids up and keep them, until I could pick them up. She would charge a minimal amount. Ok God I "think" I'm ready............

In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. John 14:2-4

Love, Mother Hen, Glory

Park and Ride

On therapy days, Mer, Ace, Court and I would squeeze into the gold escort wagon, wheelchair and walker in tow, heading to the Good Samaritan in Puyallup. My kids were still in school and if we ran late, there was a great after school program right on campus. The therapy sessions, (Thank Godness, Yes, Godness!) were in succession. We would hustle Mer into the hospital, leave her and her tools of the trade with her first therapist, then head to the closest 7-11. There I would let Ace and Court pick a drink and snack, which always made them feel special. Then we'd head to the nearest park to play. We had two favorites. The library park, (nuff said!) and the community center park, which included a great wading pool. The kids really needed some special attention and time to just be with each other. These were nice memories.

I had quit my job, as you know, and backed off my cheer coach addiction. But I found it very difficult to explain to others, what the deal was with my sister. They'd just nod their heads with big question marks for eyes.

One day Mer and I were at the grocery store when we ran into Jaunita, she was a long time friend of Ann's that I coached with. She had met Mer on a few occasions when we were teens. She totally stumbled on her tongue and abruptly left looking dumbfounded. I didn't get it? She was always the most cordial person ever? Later that day at practice she apologized, saying, "I was in shock and didn't know what to say or how to handle myself when I saw Merrym. I can't believe what this thing has done to ravage her life!"

Over the years Mer and the family have had to learn how to deal with, being understanding when we get that same reaction from friends, relatives, doctors...

After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your sheild, your very great reward."
Genesis 15:1

Love you Mer

About Two Stories High

I also have a few more stories from when I lived at Peg's;

The trip to the store that I took with her kids is one. Peg had given me a list of groceries to grab while we were there. On the list were a few different things, but I remember the cereal. Peg had told her kids to listen to Auntie Mer and I was the boss. They all agreed. We were on the cereal isle and I said, "OK guys choose some cereal." I wasn't thinking, each of the three children grabbed a different kind. I said, "We can only get one kind. You guys need to compromise and pick just one type of cereal." Without skipping a beat her three year old son sweetly and very matter of fact said, "OK I'll compromise. We'll get the one I chose." Laughter rang from all our mouths, and we "compromised" on the kind James wanted.

Another story has been skewed by my perception. One day we were having a lunch of Ramen noodles. Back then when I did anything, I had sudden and abrupt spasms all over, but especially in my hands. This was embarrassing and maddening to me. As I went to take a bite my arm spasmed and I knocked my noodles on the floor. I don't remember what was said, but Peg flew in a rage, threw something heavy into the sink, breaking dishes and informed me, I was cleaning it up. I was dumbfounded. I couldn't get out of my wheelchair and down on the floor without help. Let alone grab those tiny little noodles, but she was serious. Either Peg or Jim, I can't remember which one helped me to the floor. Then I spent a very long time crying and trying to pick up those noodles.

A mans wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to over look an offense.
Proverbs 19:11

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Other Stuff

So before Mer moves out and on I'd like to share a few other memories from that time in our lives.

During Mer's stay, we were in need of a ramp to get her up to our front door. There were three large steps into the house, not an easy task with a walker and a leg that did not bend. Also, not real possible to roll the wheelchair backwards and up, especially with hands and arms that spasms controlled. I searched out a number for a gentleman who did this kinda thing for the government housing program. He told me "Ma'am I usually charge a small fee." To which I respond with, "We just don't have a dime to spare." But without a blink of his eye he said, "Sounds like this circumstance calls for a gift." Thank you Dear God and to the kindness of this earthly angel, we got a great ramp and Mer had access to the house without any help.

Now Mer wanted to learn to go out on her own with little, if any help, if at all possible. Her kids were also on there way so, she needed to learn how to keep them in tow. I made a deal with her. I'd drop her off at Fred Meyer's with my three kiddos, let them do some shopping and pick them up in about an hour. My kids love their Auntie Mer and yelled "YEAH! FIELD TRIP!"

This of course was way before cell phones came into play. Things went very well. I picked them up an hour later at the drive thru, in front of Freddie's. There they were, smiling like they'd swallowed the canary, shopping bags in hand. Auntie Mer, being the most giving woman I know, had bought each child a thank you toy.

I think my kids were so very proud of themselves. They learned so much more about dealing with a different-abled person and how others respond to them, than a book or anyone could ever teach them.

And when God had me wander from my Father's household, I said to her, "This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, "He is my brother."
Genesis 20:13

Love you Mer

Joyful Sorrow

It's time again to explain somethings;

As you know I have had a brain stem stroke. This affects my emotions. From day-to-day, minute-to minute my emotions change at the drop of a hat. I've been diagnosed Bi-polar due to this. I need you to realize that you could ask me a question one day and you will get a positive, upbeat answer. Then, ask me the same question the very next day and the answer will be gloom and doom. I'm telling you this to explain that my posts are "MY" perception of events, warped or not. I have been trying to keep things upbeat, not telling you my real feelings all the time, which is causing more anger. After all I'm writing this to cleanse the anger from my soul.

I was already mad at God, life, the world and myself, because of this blessed/tragedy. So my memories of living with Peg are skewed by anger and resentment. The situation we lived in was an extremely difficult one. Actually, I think we both harbored resentment and ill will back then from: being suddenly parachuted into the world of disability and not being able to do things for ourselves, etc.

This will pay as a warning to you that I AM going to write my true feelings down and not candy-coat them anymore.

On with my story...

I was feeling uncertain about my children leaving me ONCE AGAIN, to go back to Utah. Even though I knew I would be following them in a month, my children's questions of things was a worry. The question of; if I would really be coming back to Utah?, the question of; whether I was still going to die?, the question of; if they really would have to live with their dad or aunt for the rest of their lives?, and the questions of; an unsure life.

We took them to the airport and as they walked warily away, hand in tiny little hand with the stewardess, my heart plunged into my stomach, like an elevator when it's cable snaps. It was extremely heart wrenching. But thank God, He gave me the strength to deal with it.

Now it was time to get my colostomy reversal surgery done, so I could join my children. I was so willing to get rid of that disgusting, stinky thing and be able to go to the bathroom in my old, usual way.

I was excited, yet sad to be going back to Utah. On one hand I would be reunited with my children and some extended family, this was happy news. But on the other hand I was leaving Peg, Ann and Robert, plus their families, this would be a very sorrowful day.

Their sorrow was turned into joy

Esther 9:22

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Making Plans

Once the words "I'll have Merrym move back to Utah to live in my rental house", were out of my mouth the work began. We all sat down to make plans:

• Mom, Dave and I would head back to Utah to get things ready for Merrym. I had to give my renters notice and then clean the house and get Merrym some furniture.


• Merrym was tentively scheduled for a colostomy reversal, so we decided she would stay in Washington long enough to have that done.


• We talked to the Dr. at the psych hospital and made arrangements for Asab to be transferred to Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City. He would fly to Utah with Courtney and I would take him directly to the hospital.


• Peggy would arrange for the children's flights and continue to take care of Merrym. She and Jim would make sure the kids got to the airport and checked in with the stewardess.


• We would get Merrym's SSI transferred to Utah.

All this would take time, we knew it would not happen overnight. But as you know when God has a plan, things work out. Come to find out my renters wanted to move, but felt guilty about owing me money. I told them if they moved as soon as possible, I could forgive part of the rent and believe it or not, the renter's mother made up the $ difference. Within two weeks I was able to begin preparing the house for Merrym. The house had no steps so, we had to put a grade up to the sidewalk. Most of the work was painting, shampooing carpets and repairs.

Peggy made arrangements for the kids to fly down and stay with me for about a month before Merrym could come. She also helped Merrym get her surgery scheduled and there was packing to be done.

I decided that Merrym's rent would be $200 per month plus the water bill. This gave her plenty to pay utilities and a phone bill, plus have a little spending money. She would apply for food stamps as soon as she got here.

"Dear God, All is ready. Please give me the grace, mercy, and caring heart I would need to step into this new season of my life."

And believe me things have never been the same!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5-6

Love, Mother Hen, Glory

You Never Know What God Has Planned

Have you ever lived with someone or had someone live with you? It is hard either way. And then mix in a disability, not just any disability, but one everyone is trying to adjust to and you have potential disaster.

When I got word that Merrym was ready to live on her own, I was very excited. I called Mom and my step-dad, Dave, and asked if they wanted to go to Seattle and help me find a place for Merrym to live. I had no idea what I would find when I got to Peggy's house:

• Peggy and Jim were exhausted and I believe at wit's end.


• Their kids needed to have their rooms back.


• Merrym was frustrated because she was still learning how to deal with her disability.


• Asab, Merrym's son, was in a psych hospital for children (he had been threatening to kill himself).


• I found 8 people living in a small 3 bedroom house. It was hard to keep up with the laundry, the cooking, the dishes, the cleaning and other housekeeping matters.


• Merrym felt she had no control over her own life.


• Peggy felt she didn't have a life any more.

I knew something had to be done fast for every one's sake. (I was also feeling guilty because I had been in my own little selfish world, while these guys were dealing with everything. What was wrong with me?) Of course that selfish part of me was determined to find an answer that would keep Merrym close to Peggy, so they could still take care of her and I could just go on my merry way.

We (Mom, Dave, Merrym and I) started looking for places Merrym and her children could live: handicap accessible, inexpensive, clean and in good repair. Low income housing or as we now call it 'subsidized housing" was filled to the brim and had a 2 year waiting list. I knew that Peggy's and Merrym's families could not last that long, with no real guarantee that there would be something available. "What were we going to do"?

Then I knew the answer. I owned a rental house about 40 feet from my house. The renters were not paying the rent and were usually behind when they did. I said out loud, without even taking time to think, "I'll take Merrym back to Utah and I will take care of her." Believe me, I really did not know what I was saying, I just knew that God wanted me to do this.

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 12: 10

Love, Mother Hen, Glory

Sweet Home Utah-bama

It had come time for me to look for a place of my own.

Peg was in charge of a very large junior league cheer squad. One more added pressure and less time to do things. Glory came to visit and relieve the stress on Peggy.

We rounded up a newspaper, circled a few apartments I could afford, if the government chipped in. We wanted them close enough to Peg, so she could help me when needed. Crossing our fingers, Glory loaded me up and we headed out. We ended up going to every single place on our list and found them dilapidated, broken down or just falling apart. I really couldn't afford them anyway, if I wanted to feed my family. We were very discouraged driving home.

At home Peg waited to hear good news, but there was none to deliver.

Suddenly Glory's eye's brightened and she said,"I know what to do. I own the house next door to me. Mer, you move back to Utah, and I'll take my turn helping you now. I'll charge rent in an amount you can afford. I can be there for you and the kids when needed." "What a blessing!" I thought.

It was settled Utah was to be our home.

He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home.

Luke 10:38

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Livin' It Up In Utah

Since Mer switched up I think I will do the same for this blog.

Mer lives in Ogden Utah at this time and I still live in Renton Washington.I visited family last summer for about three weeks and Mer of course was at the top of my list. It was my first visit since she had moved into her latest digs. Merrym lives in a small apartment complex set up for the different-abled and their families. There should be a lot more of these set up in all parts of this country. It's an immaculately kept complex and I'm so happy that Mer has friends there and she can see that others are going through similar physical and health issues

She has a small living-room/kitchen combo. Two small bedrooms and a bath that she can back her wheelchair up in. It's all set up for the different-abled. One of the bedrooms has her computer and some crafting things in it. The other has a twin bed, a small dresser and some toys so her grandchildren can stay over on occasion. She has few pieces of furniture and most are thrift store finds.

The recliner she sleeps in is located right between the kitchen and dining area, set against a wall that's just next to the bathroom. She has a small end table to set things on, on one side of her chair and a oxygen machine on the other side. Mer has to sleep with an oxygen mask every night, because her levels are way to low, when she's relaxed.

She has indoor/outdoor carpet in most rooms, but it's difficult for her to keep it clean. This is because of the wheels on her chair and her clumsiness

She can see the TV and the door from where her chair is located and it's a shorter distance to travel to most parts of her small apartment.

During the day she usually keeps her door unlocked so that she doesn't have to transfer..., when someone knocks. But she's had issues with this. On occasion she's had her meds stolen right out from under her nose. I just don't get how anyone could do that to a special needs person. Mer has a very difficult time getting through a day without pain meds and when they are stolen, she has to just go without until her next dose is issued.

She keeps her blinds closed and has curtains tacked down around most windows so the light can't get in. Mer gets horrible migraines, due to scaring on the brain and light intensifies the pain. She also has bad back aches, her butt cheek hurts and the one knee she has left has been used and misused.

Merrym does get out once in a while with the help of some very wonderful friends and family. Every Sunday she goes to church in Uintah. The church is the most beautiful, mountain, church set up on a hill in a woodsy area. The people there are so friendly and supportive. Her very good friend John and his son pick her up and drive her there every week, and they always treat her to lunch out after services. I don't have words to tell you how awesome this man (John) is. But I do know that God has a very special place prepared for him in heaven. THANK YOU JOHN & SEAN!

When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shunite and Zophar the Naammathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together in agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.
Job 2:11

Love you Mer

Daily Worries

Lets mix it up today. I want to explain just a regular day for me now. I live alone. Praise God! But it's a lot of hard work daily to accomplish living on my own.

In my sleep I don't dream of my disability, so each time (getting up to the bathroom every two hours, because my bladder can only hold a tiny bit) I have to remind myself of my limitations. I grieve a little each time over this blessed/tragedy, causing anger. It takes me quite a while to wake myself enough to be safe before I attempt to do anything physical, then I have to wind down to fall asleep again. I don't sleep in a regular bed. I gave that up years ago, because I only have one leg and if I try to lay flat, my back bows backwards, like I'm doing a back-bend. This is due to no counterweight and causes excruciating pain. I sleep in a lounge chair, because it cups my body. When I do decide its time to get up, I'm so tired from this fun nightly routine. Suffice it to say I get approximately five hours of sleep a night.

Another thing that is required for me to live alone is having a CNA (Certified Nurse's Aid) come into the home to help me shower and a PA (Personal Assistant) come three times a week to clean (safety, safety, safety). My potential of falling is very big, let alone hurting myself, which could put me in the hospital or worse, the nursing home.

I need help in the shower, because transferring from one spot to another on my own is a struggle, but transferring in a wet shower is dangerous. This upsets me, I feel I have no privacy. Then I remember when I lived in a nursing home (now that's NOT privacy, living in a 9ft-by-8ft room with someone else and having to shower in the same room). Then I think, "I can deal with these few issues as long as I'm home." Besides after a year of showering with the same CNA, it is just a normal part of my life.

I need a PA to clean my house for me, because when I try; I fall, drop things over and over, frustrating myself, making a bigger mess than when I started.

Cleanliness is very important, especially for me, because I can't get around in my wheelchair due to clutter and most important I get sick very easy. My body doesn't really fight infection. When there is a open sore on me, I can get germs in it and become deathly ill in a matter of minutes. Truly! I worry about this constantly, causing depression, anxiety and anger.

While I wait for my CNA and PA, I work on this blog, read, watch TV and sew. I'm always their last patient, 1:00-2:30 pm depending on the day. Most of my day is spent waiting, which doesn't mean I get lots of rest. I'm very lonely and bored most of the time.

I go to the restroom every two hours during the day also. I only have one leg (we'll get to that in later blogs), my balance is not so good because of this. During all of this I have to worry about falling, which makes me very angry.

Repeat daily!

I have to convince myself, I wouldn't have it any other way. That dealing with these hardships makes me who I am, anger and all.

And who if you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

Matthew 6:27

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

We Are Family

It was difficult to find people in the medical field... that could deal with or wanted to deal with Mer's issues.

We went to a plastic surgeon not to far from my home, we were looking for some help with Mer's skin on her leg. You could read the Doctors face like you were reading a Dick and Jane book. There was shock and awe on his face when Mer's leg was exposed.
Freaked out is what I like to call it!

We also had the home health care system send out a rep, so we could discuss how to get Mer some much needed help. The woman who came pretty much told us that no one would "want" to take Merrym on. What?! She did say though, that she could set it up so I would get paid a little bit to take care of Mer myself. "Well okay" I was doing that anyway.

Next we worked on getting her food stamps. Well a big whooping thirty dollars later! Yeah right thirty dollars for a months worth of food. Hum? Mer, a dollar a day is all your worth! The system stinks!

My brother who had just had back surgery, but had two working legs, no brain injury (that we can prove LOL) no dependants, was getting at least three times as much on top of a welfare check! We did set up a small SSI income for her, but remember there were three of them, Merrym, Asab and Courtney.

It mattered, but then again it didn't, because we would do whatever it took, WE ARE FAMILY! Oh wait, that song's going to get stuck in all of our heads! Sing it loud! Sing it proud!

The LORD then said to Noah, "Go into the ark, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation."
Genesis 7:1

***Please let me state, I know this sounds self righteous. It's not that I think that way about my family, but we definitely strive to be that family, one step at a time.

Love you Mer

Friendly Help

There are a few instances while living at Peg's house that stand out and I just want you to see them from my perspective.;

If I wanted to go somewhere without Peg, I had to make sure that a willing female came along. They had to be willing to help me in the restroom, willing to watch me when I ate, willing to help do anything required so I'd be safe. It made me feel like a two year old, who needed a babysitter. It was very embarrassing (to me)! But Peg needed breaks from taking care of me, I know it was hard on her and her family.

If I went to the movies with my brother Robert, we had to bring my sister Ann/babysitter along. Or if I went sight-seeing in Seattle, a friend/babysitter came, etc...

One time, after spending the day with some friends, they dropped me off at home. Peg and family had gone to the store. I told my friend not to worry, it would be just a few minutes before they got back and I was OK to be left alone that long. Grudgingly she left, telling me she was going to call me when she got home. I agreed. About ten minutes later the phone ran, it was her, asking if I was OK and if Peg was back. I answered "No, but don't worry. It won't be long." She was concerned and said, "I'll stay on the line until she gets back." I agreed again and commenced talking about nothing (as you get to know me you'll find out I'm very good at that). At the time Peggy had a extremely long phone cord. I started rolling around the house as I gabbed, not paying attention to the phone cord. Suddenly my wheels locked, not allowing me to move. I told my friend what had happened. She asked me to look and see what was wrong. Scanning my chair, I saw the phone cord wrapped around a wheel, many times. "No! Not this! I've been through enough!," I thought. I put the phone down, pulling and tugging with all my might on the cord. It didn't budge. I was stuck! (I was so mad it felt like my ears were on fire.) "At least I have the phone!," I thought. As I was explaining the situation to my friend, Peg and family arrived home, came in the door, saw me and there was a peel of laughter, which dispersed my anger. I joined in laughing, while Peg's husband went to work trying to free me. The cord was so tangled, he had to cut it many times to get it off and then went the store to buy a new, shorter phone cord. I'm still hear dumb jokes about this.

Bringing Him a paralytic, carried by four friends. Being unable to get to Him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above Him; and when they had dug an opening, they let down the pallet on which the paralytic was lying.

Mark 2:3 & 4

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Learning to Care

When Merrym writes about people staring or trying to ignore those who are different, it reminds me that I used to be one of those people. The truth is, I still am one of those people sometimes. I am used to taking care of Merrym and her surgeries as you will learn in later blogs, but any time we see someone different it is so hard to know what to do.

Sometimes it takes time to get used to seeing someone, whose body is mutilated or burn victims with horrific scarring, people with chins, noses, eyes and limbs missing. I don't really think most people mean to act the way they do, it's just that they are not used to being around people who are different.

During my 27 years of teaching, I have had students with physical and mental disabilities in my classroom. I have heard teachers say: "Wouldn't they be better off in a special school with less students?" "They could meet their needs better than I can with 30 other students in my class." "Because of their disability they can't even learn." There was a time when I had wondered myself why these students were not placed in a special school, but through several of my teaching experiences, I have came to this conclusion: "It's not what we can teach them, but what they can teach us, both teachers and students." I want to give you a few examples:

I had a young man in my fifth grade class who had CP (Cerebral Palsy). He was so critical, he had an aid with him all day. He had to be fed, diapered, and he could not even pick up a pencil. I noticed that the students would try to help him and want him to go outside to play (he was in a wheelchair and could barely hold his head up). The students would create games for him and you would see a whole group playing with him. It was heart-warming.

I also had a darling girl in my fifth grade class who had CP. She was fed intravenously and was diapered. One of her exercises was to practice holding her head up. She also had a full-time aid. She was such a happy girl. She was not allowed to go outside very often, so she would spend her recesses in the resource room strapped to some exercise board or on her tummy. Her friend, who lived next door to her, asked to stay in with her. Of course we allowed this. Before long we had so many children wanting to stay in and play with her that we had to put up a sign-up sheet and schedule who would be in with her (boys included). The other fifth grade classes were so jealous, we had to include them on the schedule also. It brought such joy to me to see so many children accepting of a special-needs child.

I have many other stories, but I will end with my favorite. On the second day of school one year, my principal told me she was transferring a boy (Joe, not real name) into my class. He had moved to our school from the inner-city. There had been an incident with Joe on the first day of school, that had caused some concern about a potential gang situation and the principal wanted to dispel it. During most of my teaching career I have always done 'buddy readers' with a younger class. This year the first grade class we were working with had a child (Brad, not real name) who was extremely disabled. He was blind, deaf, intravenously fed, could barely make any noise, was in a wheelchair that laid down and that was his normal posture. It seemed that his only sense was that of touch. One day the two classes were doing a Leprechuan breakfast (green pancakes, with green syrup, and green milk). We were at the end of cooking pancakes, so we asked who had not had one. Everyone was saying, "Joe hasn't eaten". I said, "Where is he?" as my eyes scanned the room. I saw him over in the corner, sitting with his buddy Brad's hand in his much larger hand. Joe was stroking Brad's hand tenderly. He said, "I don't want to eat." and he kept stroking Brad's hand.

Then King David said, "Is there not someone of the house of Saul, to who I may show the kindness of God?' And Ziba said to the king, "There is still a son of Jonathan, who is lame in his feet." So the king said to him, "Where is he?" II Samuel 3-4

Love, Mother Hen (Glory)

Differences

Have you ever noticed how people try not to pay attention to something that's different about others? Or just out-and-out ignore those people?

Let me tell you all, that the overcompensation is even more noticeable. People with differences are humans with feelings, and being ignored, etc. hurts! It pierces our hearts, like a harpoon piercing a whale.

I chose the whale for a reason, because our differences are there, big, bold and very noticeable. When a whale gets harpooned it doesn't die automatically. It's just a bleeding, hurting, wounded mammal. The whalers will let the whale run, shoot it many times with a rifle, wait for it to die, then drag the carcass back to shore, leaving a humongous, gory, trail behind.

Being ignored or "not noticed," wounds, causing a gaping, bleeding, deep sore. Each time this is done, we die a little more inside, also leaving a gory trail behind. We put up walls to protect ourselves, walls of anger, walls of shyness, and even walls of embarrassment.

I adore children and their honesty. If they're curious, interested or just in wonder of my differences, they stare, point or ask questions. Adults get embarrassed and try to quiet them. Don't do that! You'll teach them to ignore people who aren't quite perfect and they'll think being different is not a good thing.

Come over, talk to us in an intelligent manner. Teach your children to embrace differences, not be scared of them. We're not disabled (that is some one who can't or won't do anything for themselves). We're different-abled (someone who does things in a different way)!

In the end, we all have differences, some are just more noticeable than others.

My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds.

Psalms 38:11

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Same Love But In A Different Body

Yes the kids had finally arrived safe, but in need of some serious attention! They had been through so much trauma from day one.

We did put them in therapy, where Ace stayed over for a couple weeks and Courtney went back and forth as needed.

Our schedule was very full, Merrym was also going to physical and occupational therapy. My kiddos were still in school.

Asab and Courtney's therapy was located in Shoreline, about 30 minutes north. Merrym's was in Puyallup, 30 minutes south. My kids went to a private school at the time, so they had to be driven to and from, little James did half days. AAAHH! Hectic! We definitely had to switch out days.

I remember driving home from Puyallup one day. Mer, I, Ace and Courtney were singing along to Mer's favorite song that she liked to dedicate to Court,"Brown Eyed Girl." When the song was over Courtney in her sweet angelic five year old voice said, "Mom when are you going to be the same old mommy you used to be?" Mer and I did a total rubber neck at each other. Our chins dropped and of course tears dripped from our cheeks. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to "TRY" to explain to someone, let alone a child. "Well Courtney, Mommy will never look, sound or act the same, but, she will always love you the same".

Who is like the wise man? Who knows the explanation of things? Wisdom brightens a man's face and changes it's hard appearance.
Ecclesiates 8:1

Love you Mer

Testing the Waters

After waiting for what seemed like forever, for my kids, it was finally time to pick them up from the airport. I was so excited to see them (it had been six months since I had left Utah).

I don't recall much, but I do recall sitting at the gate with butterflies in my stomach. The plane landed and in my eyes it took an extremely long time for the stewardess to walk out with my children, holding their tiny little hands. They saw me, ran to me and almost knocked me over with the exuberant hug I received. All the way home, we (Peg's family included) could not wipe the grins off our faces.

Arriving at home we showed the kids the house and where they would sleep. When they were settled they were off to play.

With my background in psychology now, I can look back and see how all this blessed/tragedy has affected my children.

My son tested the waters right away! Not sure of the rules or how far he could push them, he, being "MY" son, automatically had to test them. Grabbing a small wooden bat, he hit his cousin on the head. He really didn't want to hurt her, it was just a test, to see if she would tell and if he would get in trouble. She told and he got in trouble! That's exactly what he wanted, boundaries.

The next day, it was my daughters turn. She got very angry at her brother, grabbed the first thing she saw (scissors) and stabbed her brother in the arm. We were scared, I was in tears and we immediately took him to the hospital. They told us it was not to bad and stitched him up. On the way home, relief flowed over us and Courtney got in BIG trouble!

Crying and very emotional, we enrolled them in therapy the next day.

God took care of my children, then and is still doing so. PRAISE HIM!

Because the Lord disciplines those He loves.

Proverbs 3:12

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

I Want To See My Mommy!

It seemed like Merrym was making progress, so we knew that it was time to send the kids to her. Our goal was as close to Easter as possible.

My biggest concern, was that I now had to deal with the kid's dad and step-mom. I had to talk to them and let them know the kids were going to be moving to Washington to be with their mother. It's hard to deal with people who have put themselves on a self-made pedestal. My question was, how did this absentee father; this abusive man, who had caused Courtney to be born prematurely by punching Merrym in the stomach; this man, who had tried to sell his own unborn son; this man, who had led his family into witchcraft; this man, who had been involved in using and dealing drugs; how had he amazingly become the most devoted father and wonderful husband in such a short time?

He and his wife felt that the kids would be better off with them, than with a disabled mother. We had several discussions about this, but the truth was they really didn't want to raise the kids. I did have to remind them that Merrym had custody. I knew the courts wouldn't say she was unable to take care of them, due to her disability.

The night before they were to fly to be reunited with Merrym, they stayed at my house. They were so excited and very nervous. I was extremely anxious about putting two little children on a plane to fly by themselves. I felt better, as I saw how the stewardess met them with a smile, and explained everything to each of us. They hugged me goodbye and bravely took each others hands to follow the stewardess. I knew they would have came running back, crying, if the thought of seeing their mom hadn't been there.

I prayed and cried all the way home, but I knew God would take care of them. I know God may have even sent an angel to be the kids stewardess that day.

Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble;
Proverbs 3:23

Love Mother Hen (Glory)

Crying Jags, Sobbing Spurts, Just Plain Crocodile Tears

Okay, well then, there we were waiting for Mer's kiddos arrival, which Glory was working out with Mr.Bruce. We had plenty to do everyday to "try" to keep her mind off this.

The first thing was to get her to realize that she didn't have to pee every two hours, during our precious slumber time. I thought since God hadn't taken her out I was going to have to! (LOL... That was sleep deprivation talking.) Mer would seriously call out to me every time my eyes began to flutter. She was still using the bedpan and half the time she really didn't have to pee. She was just very nervous about finding a soggy puddle under her butt. By then, I just didn't care! Naps for her during the day were a must, but for me non-existent.

Finally hour by creeping hour, night by lingering night, we managed to forge ahead (Yawn!) It wasn't even a liquid intake thing, Mer hardly in-took anything. Still weighing about 98 lbs.

Oh and yes, crying jags, sobbing spurts, just plain crocodile tears flowed daily. Partly from the frustration, but also because of the brain damage the stroke had so kindly left behind. Mer wore her feelings on her sleeve and still does. Then again you or I would burst into tears over any one of these struggles.

I just knew that if she was going to literally put one foot in front of the other, then I had to show her my hard nose.

One day she sobbed over me telling her, she would and COULD put her own pants on. This was just getting them up to her knees for her, because she couldn't stand without her walker. Even to let go of it to use one hand at a time would cause the walker to tip.

One day Mer wanted to snack on an apple, she asked me to peel it and chop it into tiny pieces. Normally I would, but it was time again to take a step forward. I told her, "Nope your going to have to eat it right off the core, peel and all." I think I literally saw steam coming out of her red hot ears! She was so mad she just did it! No choking involved, Whew! Man I sure didn't want to pull out my mouth to mouth act!

That girl! Man can you imagine me still spoon feeding her?! NO! (But I would)

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy, and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Colossians 3:13

Love you Mer

Struggles

Relearning to do things for myself really stinks!

Peg wanted me to become as independent as possible, so she was a tough task master, allowing me to learn (at the time it felt like she was forcing me or just plain being mean).

In the morning she would lay out clothes for me and leave the room, so I could dress myself. It was very difficult! My unwilling limbs did not want to obey my brain.

First to put my shirt on;

• I had to grab it and hold on tight.
• Try with all my might to get that puppy over my head.
• Stretch my arms, one at a time, trying to get them in the right hole (extremely hard, my muscles were atrophied from non-use).
• After that I would struggle to pull it down over my trunk and that stupid, gross colostomy bag I hated!

Next my pants;

• Grabbing my pants (a chore).
• I would bend over and try not to fall out of my chair (not an easy feat, when my balance was not to good).
• Catching my pant leg with my toes. I would then wiggle and jiggle until I got them to my knees (I left them there, so Peg could help me get them up).

Lastly my socks (this was the most trying of all):

• Grab sock.
• Hold tight.
• Stretch that sock out with my stiff hands.
• Bending over (even more off balance).
• Get it around my foot (Ever notice how fat your feet are compared to sock openings?)
• If it worked, then I'd pull and pull, never getting it on right, but I got them on .

On any given day this took approximately 45 minutes. During every step of this process tears flowed, I screamed at Peg and God. I was so mad at the two of them thinking, "Don't they get it? I can't do this!" I dreaded having to do anything, because of exhaustion (caused from emotions, as much as, from the physical struggle). There were times I wanted to give up. Once and only once I screamed, "I wish I were dead!" Peg (my conscience) immediately came stomping in, got on my level (she does this often) and said,"Don't ever say that again! You are an example to people, especially your children and mine! Think! Do you want to be a good example or what?! If you give up, what are you teaching them?!"

Peg would come back after a certain amount of time and help me with whatever I couldn't do. Daily I did more and more for myself.

I wanted to surprise Peg, so I also tried transferring from my wheelchair to the bed. I made it (Yipee!), but I got stuck with my face in the corner between the bed and the desk. With a muffled call to Peg, "Bleg! Bl..Bleg elp!"She came running in, saw me, started cracking up and then rescued me. MY HERO! Peggy said,"I thought you swallowed your sock (LOL)."

It was extremely difficult, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I live on my own now, thanks in part to my wonderful sister Peggy Sue. I love and appreciate you Peg!

I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.

Romans 15:30

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Big Things Come In Small Houses

I think it might be interesting to know that Jim and I lived in a tiny rental, no more than 1000 square feet. The laundry area was a small space in the kitchen. There was no coat closet. Three tiny bedrooms, a small bath, no garage and not even a carport. So, as you can tell our space wasn't, all that personal. Doniell and Brittiany shared a room and James' toddler bed had been moved into our hole in the wall.

Jim was so sweet, he had cleared and painted Mer's room a robin's egg blue. He removed the door from the closet, so it was more accessible. An old desk was moved in to serve as a nightstand/work space/dresser. Jim took a tiny wooden lamp and bolted it to the desk, knowing that stroke victims can be "ALOT" clumsy.

Ace and Court would be coming to live with us also. No biggy, Mer and I were raised in a poor 9 member family and Jim's had 7. We knew how to roll with the punches.

We went out and bought a small play tent for Ace and Court to share, threw some cute sleeping bags in and Voila! A little privacy for them too. It was close to Easter, so we stuffed baskets for them, bought Ace a used bike (he'd never had one) and waited.

While we waited, I decided to read through the Doctors notes that were passed on to me. Most of it was unintelligible Doctor lingo, but what caught my eye was the cause of Mer's illness. It stated, they were not for sure, but from what they could figure, Mer had gotten the back of her knee caught in the zipper of her boot. This had caused a wound where infection entered, which was probably lurking on that zipper. INTERESTING?!

Great crowds came to him, bringing the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute and many others, and laid them at his feet; and he healed them.
Matthew 15:30

Love you Mer

Miss Obstinate

I feel it's time again to let you know some things, as the reader, that are very important to me. I started this blog, because when I first got on Facebook I reconnected with old friends. I felt that no one else's life had changed as DRASTICALLY as mine. I was jealous, ashamed and very mad at God about this. I wanted to go hide under my covers, cry and stay forever. I vowed never to go back on Facebook, screamed, threw things and called Peg telling her this through tears.

I go to counseling for my anger and it just so happened that I had an appointment the next day (I have a standing appointment every other week, in my case it's a sitting appointment...lol). My social worker reminded me that I was more educated than she and gave me an assignment to write a letter, saying goodbye to my old life and my old expectations, which was suppose to help with my temper. Well, Miss Obstinate (me of course) didn't want to.

I talk to Peg daily, I told her what my social worker had said. Peg is my everyday counselor, dealing with my complaints and anger. She has been suggesting I write a book for years. When she heard this, she told me saying goodbye was a good idea and pointed out my profile was dang good! She came up with writing a blog, because it has been a 20 year journey and I could write a little at a time. I thought "I can do that," and as we talked, we discussed how this would jointly let old friends know what happened to me and how it would help people, shining God's awesome power through this story. I agreed, while still feeling trepidations. It needed to be done.

Next on the list was to name the blog. I had no idea what it should be, so I called many different members of my family for ideas. Peg to the rescue again, she said, "Call it 'Why me God?" because when I was in the hospital this last December, that's all I would say, even in my altered state (I don't remember being there, let alone saying that). This has become my motto (annoying though), but there are moments everyday that I'm sick of going through all this "Crap!" Sometimes I feel I've done enough "Crap" duty for at least ten lifetimes and that it's some one else's turn. I feel; picked on, "Why did God choose me?!","Why not someone else?!", "Why not someone who's done worse things in their life than me?!", Why does this keep going on and on?!", "Why do I have to look like this?!", "Why do I have to worry about my health at my age?!" "Why me God?!" "WHY ME?!"

That title I thought was a good idea! That was also the first thing I learned to say way back at LDS hospital. The way people look at me, like their really not! Scowling at me or completely ignoring me, helped us to choose the tag-line, "There but by the grace of God go YOU!" HELLO!

Daily I receive comments about this blog and how it's touching hearts. That's exactly what we (my family) as God's children, want. It's not only touching others, but my family's hearts are touched also, causing family strengthening.

"MOST OF THE TIME," I'm glad that God has allowed me to go through this, because I wouldn't be who I am today. Thank you Lord for allowing this blessed/tragedy, but most of all thank you for your grace and being with me through it.

At the present time there is a remnant chosen by grace.

Romans 11:5

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Independence

We arrived at Peg's and it was good for awhile. But being helpless was not fun. I had to depend on someone else for everything.

Peg quickly became my therapist, trying to teach me independence. As I've said before I'm stubborn, so I was obstinate about that. I felt it was to difficult for me.

Peg's two oldest children needed to be driven back and forth from school daily. Peg was not comfortable leaving me alone, but it was not easy or quick to load me in the car. It only took about 15 minutes to get to the school and back, so she slowly started leaving me alone, this way she could focus on her kids during that time. Until she returned I was not sure of doing anything for myself.

I remember, one particular time while she was gone I had to pee. I just couldn't wait, I was seriously going to pee my pants. I thought if I peed my pants, Peg would be mad and I didn't want to feel like a baby anymore than I already did. I reached for the sink, which was beside the toilet and held on for dear-life. I stood, wobbly, but I stood ("Good job," I told myself). Then slowly with one hand shaking, then the other, I pulled my pants down ("Really good!"), lowered myself ever so carefully to the toilet ("Yipee!") and went ("Wow!"). Then I got to confident and on the way back up I fell, in the tub! ("Oh, crap!") While laying inside the cold, wet tub I thought, "How do I get out of here?" and then determined, Peg was not going to find me like that! With all the strength I could muster I pulled, tugged, huffed, puffed, and got myself out of the tub("Whew!").

Just then Peg came in the door, she couldn't see me. I could hear the worry in her voice as she called my name, echoing from every corner of the house. Guess where she found me? Wet, out of breath and with a huge grin on my face!

Peg looked at me with disbelief and asked "What's going on?" Answering proudly, I told her the story. When I was finished she scolded me, yet brimming with pride, she said, "You could have gotten hurt!"

I didn't think of that and if I had, I wouldn't have gotten my independence as quickly.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce