The Gift-Remix part 3

During this hospital stay I had to go through detox while being monitored by medical staff. I know that's 'The Norm' except there is not anything normal about my situation or illnesses. If one thing goes wrong I can go from life-to-death in seconds.

Memories I have of that time are just a jumble of sporadic fragmented flashes...

• One nurse was with me constantly. I needed one-on-one attention to make sure I did not become completely out of control before she could administer a tranquilizer, because I had hurt myself.
• Faces; Peg, Robert, Glory, Ann, Karen, Bill, Ace and Courtney. They were all smiling while tears ran down their faces and comforting words seeped from their quivering lips.
• Throwing up constantly. It was to the point that no matter how many times the staff changed me and tried to catch the vomit, my bed and I were drenched continually.
• Being angry that I couldn't move (they restrained me for my protection).
• The moment Peg said she was sorry, but she had to go home, goodbye and be good, all the while I pleaded for her to take me with her.
• Glory telling me I was once again going to a nursing home. At that point I was ready to just give up on living. God whispered, "Merrym, it's OK! I'm with you where ever you go! Trust Me!"

And I did...

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.

Psalm 28:7

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Danger of Complacency

Our phone rang around 3:00 AM. I reached over to pick up the phone, saying to Tim, "I wonder what's going on?" It was the people who monitor Merrym's emergency calls. They told us that she had slid off the toilet and couldn't get up. They asked if we could go help her. We hurried and left (This is not an unusual thing for us, Merrym has fallen many times during the night). When we got there, I ran in to see if she was decent. I covered her up and had Tim come in. Between the three of us and the railing in the bathroom, we got Merrym up. I helped her clean herself up, got her settled in her chair, asked if she needed anything or needed me to stay and she said she just wanted to go back to sleep. She seemed pretty cheery.

I called Merrym later that morning, and she said she was doing ok. As I said before, this had happened many times and everything seemed normal for Merrym.

When Peggy called later in the day and asked if I had heard from Merrym, I told her what had happened and said she is probably sleeping or gone somewhere. I still wasn't worried.

Thank goodness for the closeness that Peggy and Merrym share. Peggy sensed something was wrong. When Peggy called me telling me Mer was on her way to the hospital, I was in shock. I jumped in my car and got there before the ambulance, meeting Cortney there.

I have also been in the emergency room with Merrym many times, and she really didn't seem that bad to me. She was slurring her speech, but she did that many times when she took certain medicines.

Courtney and I met with a doctor, who told us that Merrym was physically dependent on her drugs. We said we knew that. He said the drugs seemed to be affecting her kidneys and they would have to detox her. This was the third time I had heard this about Merrym: the first time she spent time in the psych ward, because they thought she had overdosed on purpose; the second time she ended up in a nursing home, because they said she was overdosing herself without realizing it; now this time I went home thinking everything was going to be ok, but wondered what they were going to want to do with Merrym.

When they called me the next day, saying they had rushed Merrym to ICU and that her kidneys were shutting down, I was again shocked. Karen and I headed to the hospital to get some answers.....

You women who are so complacent, rise up and listen to me; you daughters who feel secure, hear what I have to say!
Isaiah 32:9

Love,
Mother Hen Glory

The Gift (Continued III)

The next morning I woke up with prayers on my tongue. Went about my day wondering and worrying, when around 2pm the phone sang out "PeggySue, PeggySue, pretty pretty little PeggySue." My ring tone. Of course it was glued to me so I answered quickly with a jolly "Hello!"

It was Glory who wasn't so jolly, more like somber. "I have bad news." she said."What?! Why?!" Blurted from my mouth. "Mer's kidneys have shut down and she stopped breathing. They have her in ICU on life support. She's already yanked the tubes out and damaged her esophagus, so they have her strapped to the bed. The Dr. doesn't think she's going to make it, so you guys need to get here ASAP!"

Shock hit me in the face and my eyes couldn't see through the blur of tears. I choked out the words "Of course, I'll call Ann and Robert."

I hung up, chin to chest, body shaking and started weeping, while saying "Why? Why? She's been through so much already. Why?"

My husband asked what was wrong and I told him "It's Mer, she's not going to make it. I'm headed to Utah ASAP."
"No problem." he said.

I first dialed Ann and explained. She said she would pack but should we fly or drive. I told her I would prefer we pool our money and drive, since I was just coming back from a layoff. She agreed because her husbands business was not doing so well either.I told her I'd call Robert and ask his opinion, then hung up.

I then dialed Robert giving him the lowdown. He said "I'll call my boss but I am definitely going! My vote is to fly, but you'll have to put that on your credit card." I said "That ain't happening for more reasons than one! We are driving!" I called Ann back told her and she offered her suburban.

Anyway, I literally threw some clothes, bath supplies, etc... in a duffel bag, not really knowing or caring what I had. But the one thing I did make sure I had was a funeral outfit, which broke my heart all the more...

He pleaded earnestly with him "My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her, so that she will be healed and live."
Mark 5:23

Love you Mer

The Gift (continued II)

The phone call finally came, it was Glory's voice "Hey Peg I'm at the hospital do you want to talk to Mer?"
My eyes popped open with surprise and I stuttered "W-well of c-course!"
"She's really tired so she can't talk long."
Mer's voice came on the line very quite but happy.
"Hi Pag!"
"Hi Mer, you had me worried."

We had a very short chat and then Glory came back on explaining Mer's situation. She said that Mer's friend Marty had found her in her lounge chair, (remember this is what I heard) she had been sitting on her phone not realizing it, so that's why she didn't answer.

Marty said "Merrym I'm going to call 911."
Mer barely mumbled back, "Why don't I just push my medic alert button?"
Marty responded "Ya!" and she pushed it.

Glory also told me that Mer's kidneys had shut down and her meds had built up in her system to the point of OD-ing. But at this time she was fine and they were doing tests on her kidneys.

This relieved me because I knew she was alive, but scared me thinking "Oh no! Not her kidneys!"

Glory, Karen and Ace were there. Mer's CNA had been informed, she called Courtney and brought her to the hospital, so I knew she was surrounded by love.

"Please have Mer call me tomorrow and let me know how she is doing." I asked Glory.
"Will do, night sis."

Stress flowed from my tightened neck down through my aching shoulder blades and out my finger tips. I felt like a rag doll and desperately needed my pillow. Ahhhh! I could sleep.

But at about 2pm the next afternoon...

So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord the one you love is sick."
John 11:3

I love you Mer

The Gift-Remix Part 2

A few seconds went by while Marty waited for the ambulance. Suddenly the door swung wide without a knock and my son's friend, Alan entered with teeth bared and ready for a fight. He had no idea who Marty was or what he was doing in my apartment.

The paramedics rushed in, gurney in hand, unprepared for the scene before them. Two very protective angry men standing over me, nose-to-nose loudly inquiring who each other was. Someone from the medical team stepped between them and asked my name and how the two of them were connected to me.

As each explained who they were, tempers cooled and emotions turned to concern. The paramedics got me loaded quickly without giving a break down of my condition to my two heroes (because neither was family).

When Glory arrived at the hospital the diagnosis was kidney failure, since mine wasn't working, the medicine I take four times a day was building up in my system causing an overdose; I had also stopped breathing and a tube had to be placed down my throat to keep my airways open. Once again they weren't sure I'd make it...

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Gift-Remix

I don't remember anything about this particular story Peg's telling. I was so out of it that I can't even remember Thanksgiving last year. Obviously my body had growing problems over a large period of time and I didn't recognize this, until it was too late. In my dazed stupor God allowed me enough presence of mind to convey that something was wrong to Peg, Ace and Courtney. I've heard from many others their versions, so I'm going to compile them in one story for you.

It was December 4th. Courtney remembers because it was her son, Nehemiah's birthday and I couldn't even get "Happy Birthday!" out of my mouth before I told her I wasn't feeling well, I was scared because I'd never felt this way and could she please stay the night. Now with all my hospital visits and infections over the years, my children have been desensitized to my claims of fear, that has anything to do with my illness. Also it being my grandsons birthday they had a party planned, Courtney said, "No. I can't Mom. I'll check on you tomorrow and see how you are." then left.

Every December I have a date to go to a special program at my close friend, Kellie's church and it just so happened to be the next night. We had met through her son, Marty and they are an exceptionally, generous and loving family that are now very much a part of my heart. Marty lives in Kansas (you know somewhere over the rainbow and very far away...LOL). Kellie had invited him to the program and was going to let him surprise me, by picking me up for the event.

She dialed my number many times that day to remind me to be ready at 6:00, but I never answered. She was worried, but busy helping at church. She decided Marty better go check on me, even if the surprise was ruined.

When Marty got to my door and there was no answer, he hunted down the maintenance man to get in. When the door swung open what Marty saw stopped his heart. I lay on the floor in an unconscious heap...

It is a land the LORD your God cares for; the eyes of the LORD your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end.
Deuteronomy 11:12

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

The Gift (Continued)

Thank You God! I found a number that looked like it might be Ace's and dialed.
I was hoping and praying that he was not out of town for work. Please God! Please God!

Michelle answered and put Ace on the line.
I said, "Ace have you heard from your Mom today?"
He replied that he hadn't but had seen her the previous day.
I explained in a panic what my story was.
Ace said "Aunt Peg I live about an hour from Mom and the roads are super icy. My car doesn't do well in this weather, but I'll call my friend Alan who lives a few blocks from her and ask him to go check on her."

I said, "Good! Call me back as soon as you know anything!"

I couldn't think! All I could do was pace around with anger on my breath! I knew! I JUST KNEW! Something was very VERY WRONG!

About a half hour later my phone blares at me again. I literally jumped, snatching it up, almost yelling "HELLO?!"

"Hey Aunt Peg, It's me Ace." Came the voice on the other end of the line.
"Ya, what's up?!"

"Alan went over to Mom's apartment and they were putting her in a ambulance! They won't tell him anything because he's not family! They did say they are rushing her to Ogden Regional, I'm headed there and will call you when I know more!"
CLICK! The phone went dead.

Steam was now spewing from my ears! I was SOOO FURIOUS!

I dialed Glory's number and said, "So do you know where Mer is?!"
"No?" she answered.

With tears welling up in my eyes and trembling lips I yelled, "On the way to the hospital! This didn't have to happen like this! I KNEW, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG! You didn't listen or do ANYTHING! I'm a world away, I can't physically do anything!"

"What!?" she answered in disbelief. "I'm sorry, I just didn't get the urgency, I'm on my way. I'll call you...."

But it is the spirit in a person, the breath of the Almighty, that gives them understanding.
Job 32:8

Love You Mer

The Gift

My turn! It's me PeggySue, I told Mer I wanted to take a turn writing.
This time would be about the flooding memories overwhelming me from last December.
Mer had another near death experience.

So here goes.
It was Friday evening about December 4th, my phone rings with Mer sounding totally exhausted on the other end. She Say's "Pag?" (that's how she pronounces my name with her speech issues) "I am calling to ask you to call me tomorrow and check in on me because I feel like I'm coming down with some form of the flu."
I said, "Of course I will, feel better, love you."

The next morning about 10am, Washington state time, I called Mer. No answer. "Not a problem" I thought, "she's probably in the bathroom."
I called her again at about noon or so, no answer. "Hum?" I thought, and went about my Saturday.
Now, it's about 2pm and I tried again. I let the phone ring and ring and ring. No answer. Now I was worried!
So I think, "I'll call Glory and see if she knows anything about Mer today."
Glory's husband Tim answers the phone and tells me Glory is on her cell chatting with a friend, which I can hear from her voice echoing in the background.
I tell Tim that I need Glory to call me back ASAP about Mer. He reassures me he will.
By 3:30 or so I hear nothing from Glory so I punch in her number one more time.
This time I get her on the phone.
"Why didn't you call me back?" I asked in a huff. "You called?" she replied
"A ya! About an hour and a half ago. Tim said he'd have you get back to me ASAP. What's the deal?!"
"I guess he got side tracked and forgot."
"What?! I told him it was very important, I can't get Mer on the phone. She called last night, was sick and wanted me to call and check on her. I'm worried!"
"Oh Peg, she probably was busy with her CNA showering and all."
This didn't register with me, but Mer doesn't see her CNA on the weekends.
Glory told me that she would call Mer and if she couldn't get her on the phone she would drive over and check on her. This soothed me, but I asked her to call me back as soon as she knew anything.
Two or so hours goes by, no call from Glory. Now I'm furious!
SO, I grab my cell and start scrolling through all the 801 area codes left on my phone from that previous summer when Ace had called me. I still hadn't logged in the number under his name and I knew I didn't have a number for Court...

for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable.
Romans 11:29

Love You Mer

God's Always There

Today I went to a Christmas party at Tri-County Independent Living, an advocacy center for disabled people here in and around the Ogden area. While I was enjoying myself, God jogged my memory by allowing me to run into two very dear old friends that I met in the nursing home.

One being Diane. What attracted us to each other was the fact that we were contemporaries, in the same age-range.

It's hard being younger, in a care center where everyone else is 30-40 years older and not of the same generation. Those older people were so set in their ways that they could convey something to each other with a glance or just one word and then converge on an unwilling, unknowing target to the point of hurting feelings.

After six months of going it alone, I heard of the heart-wrenching story of this occurrence happening to Diane, which left her with tears flooding from her eyes and absolutely drained of energy. I jumped at the chance for an ally.

It was an instant friendship. This gave us someone to unite with, run things by and commiserate with, which was greatly needed. We became best buds, doing things together anytime possible. Eventually we could communicate with a glance or one word, which relieved some of the stress caused by being in such a difficult situation as we were in.

Soon after she got well enough to go home and I was alone again, but just like this situation, God was there for me...

My salvation and my honor depend on God ; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Psalm 62:7

I am blessed
Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

God's Love Became Mine

Soon after Carl became like my shadow. Where ever I went he was close behind, skipping, dancing a jig, and grinning with joy.

Every morning he woke bright and early with his exceptionally cheerful attitude. He didn't understand volume control on his voice, so if your room was anywhere in the vicinity of his room, you got a awakening much like a roosters call as the sun comes up.

He didn't know how old he was, but was asked this question daily by one person or another. I made it my goal to find out this and a few other things so we could carry on conversations with people and each other. He flourished with God's encouragement and love.

Eventually there was such an improvement in this shining gem of a man that the staff recommended him for a part time job at a business that specializes in giving disabled people jobs. He was so proud of himself for "growing up" (his words) and getting a job that he would bring me home presents daily, until I put an abrupt stop to it.

When I told him I was leaving the nursing home he ran crying to his room. I followed and said, "Carl, I'm so proud of you. You've learned how to take care of yourself so well that you have a job. Yes, I'm leaving, but I'll come and visit you. OK?" He answered, "OK I'll see you tomorrow." I laughed loudly as we hugged I thought how much fuller my life was for knowing Carl and how much I love this brilliant treasure, with that I said, "Goodbye my friend."

After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.
1 Samuel 18:1

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Change of Heart

When I lived at the nursing I met a 76 year old, mentally disabled man named, Carl. His intellect was that of a 4 year old. He had no idea that he was different than anyone else.

The first time I encountered Carl was at a Bingo game. His child-like demeanor was maddening to everyone, because he spoke loudly and didn't care whether this bothered others. If he didn't win, he threw an ear-splitting fit and stormed off to his room, protesting all the way. He was always clamorously, audible. This made many others very annoyed and they were absolutely cantankerous, using harsh words at him. He didn't always understand what was said, but he got their message through body language and voice level. This broke his heart, after all in his mind, he hadn't done anything to deserve this. 

Seeing that innocent man hurt so much caused me to ask God for help in this matter. Over the next few weeks I watched to see what I could do to modify this behavior, so as to stop the people from abusing this sweet soul. I noticed he loved to copy people he respected, so...

I went out of my way to become his friend, assisting him in filling out his menu, letting him know when activities were happening and anything else he could benefit from. It wasn't a big deal. It was like having another child (remember, I love children).

During our Bingo games I'd save a seat for him, right next to me. Excitedly he'd skip to the chair, then wiggle and squirm, until the game started. While we waited I'd remind him that we cant win every time and that the game was just for fun. When someone else won I'd cheer and clap for them, which he mimicked. Eventually this jewel of a man's disposition changed and other's noticed saying, "Merrym, you've worked wonders with Carl. He doesn't get on our nerves anymore." My answer was simple, saying, "It wasn't me." I pointed to heaven and beamed...

My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused.

Hosea 11:8b

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce