The Sand Man Cometh

Merrym was coming home from the hospital after having the surgery to finally cover the hole in her hip. I was waiting at her house for the delivery of a special bed she would be in 24/7 until further notice. I prepared a spot for the bed where she could watch TV, see outside, and see her Christmas tree. Basically where she wouldn't feel like a prisoner in her own home.

When they told me she would have a special bed, my mind was still thinking regular hospital bed with extra attachments and features. Boy was I surprised! The delivery crew brought in an object the shape of a bathtub, about waist high with no mattress, not even a box springs. It was completely empty. Then they started bringing in several rubber garbage cans full of a special kind of sand. They filled the bed with this sand, until it was within 3-4 inches from the rim, which was made of rubber. A motor was attached that caused air to blow through the sand, which in turn caused a continual massaging motion. Merrym was to lay directly on the sand with only a thin moisture barrier and a sheet under her. She was delivered home in an ambulance, the paramedics placed her in the bed and my work began.

We had purposely scheduled the surgery a few days before my Christmas break, so I would be home to take care of her during my time off. Merrym could only have her head propped up with a pillow. The TV had to be put up higher so she could see it. She had to drink from bendable straws since she couldn't sit up. We either had to feed her so she wouldn't get food all over herself or fix things like sandwiches so she could feed herself.

I slept at her house and basically lived there for a few weeks. Merrym had to be sponged bathed daily to keep the germs from her wounds. The bed pan had to be set under her when necessary and I had to take care of all her personal needs. I had gone through a couple of surgeries taking care of Merrym before this, but this one was an extremely humbling process for me. I had changed Merrym's diapers when she was a baby, but never thought I would be taking care of her in this fashion at a later date. But she was my sister and as we have mentioned over and over, "You do what you have to do".

As I mentioned, it was Christmas and Courtney had a special part in a Christmas program at her church (Merrym was attending a different church than me at this time). Courtney was devastated when she realized her mother wouldn't be able to go see her. We worked it out so that we had everything that Merrym could possibly need for an hour. We had her drink and the remote so she could reach them. We even left the bed pan under her, just in case. I went to the program and watched Courtney, then went home and told Merrym all about it. A friend of Merrym's also filmed it. On Christmas Eve and Christmas day we had scheduled some of Merrym's church family to come and spend time with her so I could have a few short breaks.

It was a difficult, but a bonding few weeks for Merrym, her children and myself.

This is My commandment, that you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his brother. Ye are my brothers, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
John 15:12-14

Love, Mother Hen Glory

I Cry Out to the Lord

From earlier posts you may have gathered, my body doesn't fight infection of any type well.

Glory told you about my hip and the open sore on it. Yes, you could see all the way to the bone and watch the bone move. She and a nurse cared for it for along time, trying to help it heal. But there was only paper, thin, scar tissue covering the area and it would tear open if I sneezed wrong (literally). So it never had time or enough skin growth to heal. Also through this open wound, germs entered my system very easily, causing yet another reason for it not to heal. I got extremely ill from this.

How it worked was; a germ would make it's way into the wound, causing a violent infection, fever, chills, migraines and tremendous pain at the sight, which radiated through my whole body. All I could do was shiver and cry, while laying down, rocking back and forth. I would end up in the emergency room over this. The ER doctor would give me a dose of the strongest IV antibiotics by pumping it into my veins quickly. By this time it was a matter of life or death. Then they would send me home with the strongest oral antibiotics to take for two more weeks. After I finished my dose of meds, I would feel fine for about two weeks. Then it would start all over again. This happened for about a year, until Glory insisted something be done to remedy the situation.

On recommendation from the ER doctor, I went to a plastic surgeon. He didn't know the history of the wound. He scheduled a quick surgery, where he took a staple gun and closed the opening. About a week later, it tore open again. When I went in for my follow-up appointment, the doctor became very distressed and he prescribed some very expensive filler medicine for me to try. It came in a powder form, which was to be placed in the wound three times a day, mixing with bodily fluid, it formed a gel, similar to mud filling a hole, so the wound could heal from the inside-out. During this time the plastic surgeon, my family and I, crossed our fingers hoping it would work. It didn't! The cycle of infection returned, for yet another year.

Finally another surgery was scheduled. The surgeon opened up my stomach, found the bottom six-pack muscle closest to the hip (Yes! I have a six-pack, not just of Pepsi...lol). He proceeded to dig a tunnel under my fatty tissue, and brought it out over the hole in my hip, stapling it in place. When I was allowed to see my hip, it looked like a rump roast was attached to me, and the bandage was similar to what a football looks like (strings and all).

This whole incident was extremely harrowing, stressful and painful. But of course our awesome God was there the whole time and rescued me whenever I cried out to Him.

'If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us.'

2 Chronicles 20:9

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

C.O.A.(Center Of Attention)

Since Merrym brought up the subject of jealousy, I thought I would continue on that subject for today. I agree with Merrym that she has always had a problem with jealousy. When she was younger I believe it was a matter of being the youngest of seven children and being very spoiled. Everyone made a fuss over her. She was bright and always the center of attention. When she wasn't the center of attention, she didn't like it.

As Merrym got older she would do anything to be the center of attention. As a teenager she bought purple high-top tennis shoes just to be different (Recently I just bought her a pair of purple tennis shoes). She dressed differently, wore her hair and make-up to get attention. In college she was in theatre arts, worked very hard, was competitive and of course loved the attention. But the jealousy hung on and ate at her.

Since Merrym became disabled, jealousy has almost taken her over completely. Many times she has been very miserable not due to her illness, but due to her jealousy. It has even caused her more illness. I know it has to be horrible to see others doing all the things you used to do and still want to do. But what has been scary, is that there have been times when Merrym has truly hated someone because she was so jealous of them. Some of the people she has hated are people she also loved, but the jealousy and hatred almost overtook the love. There have been times when I couldn't reason with her over her jealous feelings.

I am happy to say that Merrym truly is working on her jealousy issues. I have seen the improvement. She has apologized to people also. Some of the ones she has asked forgiveness of never realized how Merrym felt. It is not easy for Merrym, but with God's help she is making it.

Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. "They have credited David with tens of thousands," he thought, " but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?" And from that time on, Saul kept a jealous eye on David.

I Samuel 18:8

Love, Mother Hen Glory

Jealousy Rears It's Ugly Head!

Today I am going to talk about jealousy, which it is the biggest cause of my anger. As you know it's just one of many things I'm asking God to help me resolve through this blog.

My first memory of life is me being jealous. Being the youngest of seven meant, everyone that mattered to me was allowed to do everything I wanted to do before or without me.

Over my 45 years of living, my jealousy has grown into a monster, for example:

• Peggy is closest in age to me and I put her on a pedestal. I wanted to be just like my really, cool, older sister. She got her ears pierced at 14, so even though I am three years younger, I expected to get mine done at the same time. My mother made me wait until I was older. I thought, "No fair!"


• My niece had a savings account and I didn't. It didn't matter that it only had five dollars in it. "No fair!"


• I'd go fishing with my brother Robert. If he'd catch a fish and I didn't. Knowing it was not in his control, I didn't care. "No fair!"

I threw fits, gave the silent treatment or just was outright obnoxious to everyone because of my jealousy. It sounds like just childhood jealousy, right? Wrong! I cannot think of a time when there was not some kind of jealousy in my heart.

Since I've been disabled it has gotten worse. WARNING! These are my warped thoughts. In my mind things get extremely exaggerated to the point I have gotten jealous of people on TV, people online, other family members, and even my daughter.

• Poor me I'm disabled. "No fair!"


• I can't walk but everyone else can. "No fair!"


• I can't drive. "No fair!"


• Everyone is in a relationship and I'm not. I'm so lonely! "No fair!"


• Everyone gets what they want, but I never do. "No fair!"

I still throw fits, scream at the top of my lungs, cry and throw things. I'm sure my neighbors think I'm cuckoo.

My sisters, Peggy and Glory, also my daughter, Courtney, have to keep me in check. They tell me the truth on how warped my perspection is. They also pray for me, which I very much need and I thank them.

I wrote this to show you that I to am a real human being with mixed emotions. I hope some of you can relate and feel like you're not the only one, and know there are other people feeling this way. I'm working on resolving my jealousy issues daily. I've been told the best way to make anger go away is to pray for whoever you're mad at or jealous of. I'm going to be praying constantly, but isn't that what God wants.

BUT REMEMBER; God does not give you more than you can handle and even Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven.

Pray without ceasing.

1 Thessalonians 5:17

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Do Unto Others

I am totally amazed when I hear people telling me what a wonderful person I am to take care of my sister, Merrym and my mom. They say things like: "They are lucky to have you;" "You need to think of yourself and take a break;" "I don't know how you do it."

I don't understand this, because I thought that you do things for family and friends due to the fact of who they are. I can't imagine not doing the things I do for Merrym or Mom. The Bible tells us that we should be caring for our loved ones. It's my duty, my responsibility and I love them.

Do I get tired? Yes of course, but I would be more than tired, I would be very miserable, if I didn't do what I do. Merrym has made such progress through the years. It has gone from my being afraid every time I left her, to times when I have depended on her for help. She might not be able to drive or get around very fast, but she can make phone calls to check on things for me, she prays for me, she encourages me, etc.

People need to start taking care of their loved ones and not expecting others to do it. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for nursing homes, hospitals, CNAs who come to help Merrym shower and take care of other things. I am thankful for Medicaid that has paid Merrym's medical bills for 20 years of over $1,000,000. I just believe that we really need to get back to family, friends and church family taking care of their own as much as possible. Not only that, we need to get back to socializing with these same family and friends doing game nights, etc.

I'm sure that I will write one day about the times I get frustrated and even angry, but maybe not. Thinking positive is much more healthy.

Then Jesus said to his diciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24

Love, Mother Hen Glory

Trust in the Lord

After leaving the one coven and punching the head wizard of the other coven in the nose, I now had two covens extremely mad at me. They banded together to deal with their common enemy (ME).

I found out years later that, while I was at work they would have gatherings to figure out my punishment. They were casting spells and the like, in my general vicinity. I don't know the specifics, but I do know, NOTHING in this world happens without God's knowledge and say so. Those crazy people claim one of their spells caused my blessed/tragedy. Only God knows what caused this.

When I was with the covens, I had shown Blu and Mel, where my sister Glory lived and told them how she owned the house next door. So when they heard I had moved back to Utah they deduced where I was living. The covens were keeping an eye on me. Why? I don't know, but there were quite a few times I would hear voices outside my house and people walking around also. I would call Glory in fear, crying, "I hear noises outside, like there's someone out there walking and talking. I'm scared! Will you come over and stay with me, please?" She was always there quickly, checking out the situation, then prayed over me, my children and my house. I also had many, violently scary dreams, which called for these measures also.

As my faith in God increased, my fear of evil decreased. One day after hearing Blu had been paroled from prison, my children and I were outside enjoying a warm summer day. When a blue Toyota drove sluggishly past the house, I just happened to look. Guess who I saw?...That's right, much to my disbelief, Blu and Mel?! I believe they were trying to scare me once again. This time, there was no fear. I just got extremely mad and went inside called to Glory to tell her what I saw. She immediately said, "I'll be right over." I said, "No! God and I can deal with this ourselves. I trust in the Lord!" That totatlly shocked, yet tickled her to no end. "If they have the nerve to face me, all they will find is one very, angry, Christian, woman who'll tell them where to go. Thanks anyway."

The devil got the message loud and clear. After that day, I was not bothered again by noises, voices outside, scary dreams or drive-byes. Hallelujah! From then on my trust has and will, always be in the Lord.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5 & 6

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

I Can Do All Things

Merrym has had 45 surgeries or more. Actually. we've lost count. She had three surgeries within the first 24 hours of entering the hospital. During that seven and a half months stay, she had many more. At first it was to scrape the rotting skin off. But by the time her skin had stopped falling off and rotting, she was left with no meat below the abdomen on the right side, no meat on the hip on the right side and no meat on her whole right leg down to her ankle. The surgeries then turned to skin grafts to cover all the exposed muscle. The part of her body that was not as sick was now being invaded so they could harvest good skin to cover the muscle. Of course this caused more pain. Grafting skin is a long process because they can only do a small area at a time and many times it does not take, so the skin sluffs off. Think about doing this to almost one-forth of your body.

Merrym had one surgery (the colostomy reversal) while in Seattle. When she got back to Utah, we were so busy getting doctors, therapists and counselors for her, we really didn't think about her having any more surgeries. But a doctor said we needed to straighten her foot, so she might be able to walk flat on her foot with her walker. You see, her foot had turned sideways to the point that when Merrym tried to balance herself to transfer or go to the bathroom, she was putting weight on the outside ankle. We were excited to think she might be able to walk better. Of course we agreed to the surgery.

After the surgery was over, it seemed weird to see Merrym's foot laying straight. I was visiting one evening when the nurse came in to change Mer's bandage. I thought I might throw up, because after taking the outside wrapping off, the nurse began pulling bloody, gooey gauze out of a two inch hole on the inside of Mer's foot. She said it had to be packed with gauze during each bandage change, so the wound would heal from the inside out. I was wondering if they would furnish someone to come to the house to change her bandages, but then the nurse said to me, "You need to come in tomorrow night, so you can learn how to change Merrym's bandages". My tummy was quivering and my knees were weak. Then she proceeded to show me another area I would have to bandage. On Merrym's right hip, there was a hole the shape of an eye. Inside you could see her bone moving. They had used a piece of her hip bone for ankle stabilization. All that evening and the next day at work all I could think of was, "How am I ever going to be able to do this?"

In spite of all my fears, I showed up at the hospital to get instructions. It was even more difficult than I thought it would be. There were all kinds of sterilizing techniques that needed to be done to clean my hands and the wounds. I wore gloves. The nurse had me do the work as she supervised. I semi-closed my eyes as I pulled the gauze out and threw it away. Putting the clean new gauze in was not as bad. Then the nurse showed me how to clean around the wound on her hip. I had to use a Q-tip and clean a crusty, mucus-looking substance from around it. Then I found out that her bandages had to be changed three times a day. A nurse would do the mid-day change, but the morning and evening were mine. On weekends all three were mine. EXCITING!

Because of all the sterilizing, the changes took approximately 30 minutes each. I would do one bandage change before I left for work, then do the other before Merrym went to bed at night. At first I would keep my eyes semi-closed, but after a few days it was no big deal. This process took many weeks and finally Merrym's ankle was healed, but her hip was another story. She was able to walk better with the walker and this gave her a break from the wheelchair. I know that God allowed me to have that experience, so I was prepared to help with Merrym's up-coming surgeries.

Soon after this a teacher from my school had a cyst removed just below the back of her neck, leaving a large hole. One day while at work she asked me if I would help her change the bandage. Of course I did. As I was helping her I was thanking God that He had allowed me not only to help my sister, but help others.

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Phillipians 4:13

Love, Mother Hen Glory

We want to remind you, if you have any questions or comments feel free to put them underneath the posts or on any one of our Facebook pages. Thank you!

Thank Goodness God's Got My Back!

I'm going to go back a bit to lay some ground work for my next story. Sometimes I think disjointedly. I want, no, I need you to understand a few things, so my next post will make sense to you.

In my opinion, when we're young we don't have or don't care to use, the wisdom it takes to raise a child properly. I shouldn't blame this on age, but when we're young we are a little to carefree, so we don't necessarily care as much about others as we do ourselves. I definitely was like that.

As you know before the blessed/tragedy, I was into Satanic worship. I had angered one coven by leaving and taking with me, Blu (my boyfriend) to join another coven.

The new wizard in charge of us offered to watch my children while I worked. I took him up on it. When I got home my children were healthy and happy in appearance. I asked him "How did it go?" He answered, "Fine, after I did a couple lines of Cocaine." Feeling righteous anger, I asked him to step outside. We barely got on the other side of the door, when all fear of him disappeared. I turned to face him and punched him as hard as I could in his nose. I never allowed him to watch my kids again. What was I thinking?! Duh?!

Also some information I received while I was in Washington state, is Blu was arrested and charged for murder of a baby in his care. The news was relayed to me, I was in shock and amazement. After all he was my primary babysitter when we were together. That could have easily been one of my children. At that moment, I knew God had great things in store for my beautiful children. Thank you God for protecting these wonderful kids of mine, when I didn't!

The Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.

2 Thessalonians 3:3

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Too Trusting

After reading Merrym's blog from yesterday I can feel nothing but anger at myself that I was not more involved at that time in my sisters' lives. Yes, I lived in Utah, but I should have been calling and checking on them. A person can make all kinds of excuses: I had two little ones of my own, we were running a business that was not doing so well, we had very little money and as Peggy has said, calling on a phone back then was very expensive. Merrym was a baby when I got married and left home (I am almost 18 years older than her). I was barely surviving in my own situation. Boy, if I work at it I can come up with 20 more excuses why I wasn't more involved.

Merrym has always been a people-pleaser and it gets her into trouble to this day. She tries to befriend everyone and she trusts people without even knowing them. It usually takes her a few encounters with someone before she realizes what kind of person they really are.

One of her most recent experiences began when she was in the nursing home this last time. She began visiting with a woman, who was a temporary patient also. She told the lady how wonderful her church was and how they had helped her so much. The woman seemed interested. Merrym invited her to church and gave the woman her phone number. This woman almost drove Merrym crazy calling her numerous times a day and asking what the church could do for her. She really wasn't interested in going to church at all. Merrym finally had to change her phone number to get some peace from this situation.

Another time she had some so called church friends, who started slowly working their way into Merrym's life. They came, played games and took Merrym places. After a while this couple lost their home for not paying the mortgage. They began spending more time at Merrym's, eating, sleeping, storing things, and even had their mail coming there. At first she was OK with it, but after a while and with my pointing a few things out to her, she realized she had a problem. They even did drugs in her house when she wasn't home. It took work, but we finally ended that situation. When Merrym moved from that place, they still had a few of their things stored there and mail was still coming for them also.

The last situation I will talk about in this blog is about a young woman close to Merrym's daughter's age. She had two little girls and lived in the same apartment complex. It began with her visiting, then she started cooking and bringing food to share, then cooking at Merrym's house, and after a while she even cleaned Merrym's apartment for her. "Seems like a nice person, right?" Not only did this cause jealousy on Courtney's part because this girl was spending more time with Merrym than she could (Courtney was working and this girl wasn't) but a few small things began to disappear: DVDs, videos, CDs etc. But that wasn't the worst of it. Merrym began missing meds. She even had to go weeks at a time without pain meds because there was not enough and the insurance wouldn't pay for more. At first this girl was supposedly trying to help Merrym figure it out. But as more and more began to come up missing, Merrym realized the girl was stealing them. She tried to break things off with the girl by telling her that she didn't need her to clean any more, and started carrying her percocet and oxycotin in her purse, which she had attached to her wheelchair. The real clincher came when Merrym got sick and Courtney rushed her to the hospital. I got to the ER as fast as possible. While I was talking to Merrym and Courtney, I picked up Merrym's purse and realized that her pills were spilled in the bottom. With Merrym's supervision I put the pills in the right bottles and tightened the lids.

Low and behold in walked this girl. She had heard from the neighbors that Merrym was sick. A nurse came in to put Merrym on a bed pan. Courtney and I stepped outside the room to give Merrym some privacy. This girl said she was going to stay in and visit with Merrym. Suddenly I heard Merrym screaming "Glory, Glory, she's taking my pills!" I went in quickly and saw the girl holding the purse with her back to Merrym. I asked what she was doing. She said that pills were all over the bottom of the purse and she was just putting them in the bottles. I said "You're lying, I just did that!" Merrym was screaming and the girl quickly left without saying a word. I looked and found that at least half of Mer's pills were gone. I called and told the girl never to step foot in Merrym's house again and threatened her with the police. Justice was later served when we saw her mug shot on the news, because she had been involved in a drug scam.

I realize that Merrym has been so trusting, because she has tried to live a Christian life, is lonely and quick to forgive. We encourage Mer to use more discretion when she reaches out to others or they reach out to her. Which is a difficult decision for Mer.

Avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is Vengeance is mine; I will repay saith the Lord.

Romans 12:19

Love, Mother Hen Glory

Silent Anger

I feel the need to go back in my life a bit, to when I was 11 years old. This is part of whats causing some of my anger to this day.

My mother was a single mom with three children still at home, raising children by yourself is tough. She had just found a man that made her very happy and brought him home for the first time. While she was finishing dinner she had asked us kids to entertain him. Well my brother Robert and sister Peggy were teenagers. Like any teen they were rebellious and left the room as soon as mom turned her back, so I became the feature entertainer.

Seizing the moment this awful man drug me onto his lap and proceeded to molest me. I was in shock as he told me what he was doing was normal and said not to breath a word of it to anyone. In my innocence and shock, I believed him. Besides he made my mother happy and as you've read in earlier blogs, I'm a people-pleaser to a fault. So I kept quiet.

My mother's relationship with this man grew for many months, giving him plenty of opportunity to molest me over and over again. I still didn't say a word, after all my mom was happy and that was more important to me than my own concerns.

Eventually the two of them married and the abuse continued. Even when I would try to avoid him, he'd say something to my mother about me being rude and then I was forced to sit on his lap and hug him.

My mom didn't know what was happening, so I can't really blame her. He would also bribe me or threaten my mothers life, so I would be to fearful to tell.

He also enjoyed getting Peggy into hot water because this would anger my mother, then she would hit and abuse my sister while he held her down or helped in someway. Come to find out she had spurned his advances, he was mad! She was brave and told her boyfriend's family what was happening. She didn't know what was going on with me, but suspected. That's when she was removed from my mother's custody.

I was extremely sad over this. The secret threats on me, my brother and my mother escalated. This scared me, keeping me quiet until I asked if I could go visit Peggy. I was denied this privilege by both my mother and this creep. I threw a fit and threatened the creep that I would tell my mom what he was doing to me.

Guess What?! I was allowed to see Peg and as we visited that deep well of fear, doubt and shame flooded the room. I told her everything. With tears in her eye's she convinced me to tell a responsible adult.

The next day I went straight to my school counselor and spewed everything as fast as I could, before I lost my nerve. They called the authorities who came and took custody of me that day. Peg had spoke to her foster family about my situation and begged them to take me in too.

Ultimately my mother divorced this pervert and he was sent to prison with the help of mine and Peg's testimony.

But the point of telling this story is forgiveness. Forgiveness of my mom, forgiveness of this man and forgiveness of myself.

It's a fact that not forgiving is like poison to the holder. When we don't forgive someone it does not effect the offender. They may not know your problem with them, or even care and go on as usual. But when your the one not forgiving, it makes you angry and eats you up inside. It is always there.

I've been harboring this pain in my heart and it's part of what has made me an angry, bitter person. I've been trying to ignore this. It's NOT Working! I have to let it out.

I'm declaring right now to you all. I'm forgiving every participant in this incident. I'm doing it for myself, so I can heal from this. After all look what man kind did to Jesus and he still forgave.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Matthew 6:14

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

It's Hard To Frown When Mer's Around!

Hello blog buds!
I know you haven't heard from me for a while, but Mer and Glory are out of commission today so I'm covering. Let's say a little prayer for both of them, Mer has a horrible migraine and Glory had cataract surgery this morning.

As I explained in a earlier blog, it was financially difficult to visit Mer and phone calls could also be costly, since it was the time of land lines and long distant fees. Talking to Mer on the phone was trying anyway, her speech was still very difficult to understand.

So we are going to veer off course today, hope you don't mind.

Let me tell you just a little bit about who Mer is. She and I are exactly 3 years and three days a part in age. Mer was very bright and was allowed to skip kindergarten and jump right into first grade. This put us only two years apart through our school years, which was great.

Mer was and is a people pleaser. Your comfort, needs and concerns are always more important to her than her own. Which is very sweet but, she's really had to learn that her comfort, needs and concerns come first now. Let me put it to you like this, if Mer has five dollars and you said you needed it, it's yours, no questions asked. She would literally give you the shirt of her back and be happy to go without.

I really think this is why she had such a hard time with child rearing, Mer can not stand for anyone to be un-happy! Silly, she knows but, it's just such a deep part of who she is.

Mer bubbles over with charm galore! I remember when we were little and lived in Deming New Mexico. It was a tiny town and we lived in the boonies. But there was a pool! The summer heat was not so fun. We had no lawn thus, no sprinkler to run through. So, my brother Robert and I, being deathly afraid of our Dad's wrath, would con Mer into using that charm on Dad (I'm not sure she had any idea we were using her). Mer seldom got in trouble let alone spanked which for the rest of us seemed to be a given. So we would send 'Lil Miss Magical Charm' in to do the scary deed, ask Dad if we could go to the pool. What ever that magic was, it always seemed to work. We got to go swimming and get a treat. Woo Hoo!

Mer still has that power to this day with almost everyone she knows or meets. It's so amazing how quickly she becomes the best of friends with any child.

The woman is so full of fun, laughter and the silliest jokes, that it's hard to frown when Mer's around! Hey! I like that! I'm going to use that as her motto. Love It!

Anyway, Merrym Dawn Mathis (forget the Bruce), is such a loving, giving, kind soul. Let's take what she's shared with us, whether you know her personally or not, and PAY IT FORWARD!

For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
psalm 86:13

Love you Mer

Ace Cries Out

As you know from a previous blog, Asab had been put in a Children's Psychiatric Hospital in Seattle. He was having such a hard time adjusting to his mother's disability so he was acting out in many different ways. When he threatened to kill himself, Peggy called a social worker. The social worker said to him, " I hear you want to kill yourself." He told her yes. She asked, "How would you do this?" He said, "I'll take a knife and stab myself in the heart." When they realized that he was not just threatening, but actually had a plan, the social worker suggested counseling. After some counseling his behavior did not change and he still threatened to kill himself so he was put in the hospital. Things seemed to get worse there. He was being assaulted by other boys in the facility and it seemed that nothing was being done about it. We were concerned he would end up worse off than he was.

When he was transferred to Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City, things seemed to be better. But I found out later that neither hospital had addressed his suicide threats at all. Their theory was to avoid saying anything about his threats. They only addressed other things. When I found this out I was very frustrated.

A year went by with Merrym and the kids making progress. We would deal with Asab's problems as they came. He never threatened to kill himself in front of me and if he did in front of Merrym, she really didn't mention it. Maybe she was afraid I would send him back to the hospital.

Then one evening I was at Merrym's house cutting her hair. Courtney was watching TV and Asab was sitting at the kitchen table pretending to do his homework. I kept saying, "Ace, get busy!" He was making every excuse not to do his work. Suddenly he pushed his school work on the floor and said he wasn't going to do it. I told him to get down and pick it up. He threw himself on the floor and said he wasn't going to. I went over, calmly picked him up, sat him on the chair and put his work in front of him. He threw himself on the floor again as soon as I moved away. I picked him up and sat him in the chair again. He screamed, "I'm going to kill myself!" I ignored him. He said, "I'm going to stab myself in the heart." That just hit me the wrong way. I walked over to the counter, grabbed a steak knife, walked over and put it in his hand. I said, "If you're going to kill yourself, do it now so I can watch." He look shocked. (I suspected that he was just trying to get his way.) I said, "Go ahead, do it. Come on I'm watching and you need to do it now!" He started crying and said, "I don't want to kill myself." I took the knife from him, hugged him and said, "I never want to hear you say that again." We never heard him make that threat from that day on.

If you see your brothers donkey or his ox fallen on the road do not ignore it. Help him get it to it's feet.
Deuteronomy 22:4

Love, Mother Hen Glory

A Good Samaritan

When I got here from Washington state, I still needed therapy. It just so happened it was scheduled daily and of course during the time my sister Glory was at work. We needed help! At church Glory requested volunteers to take turns driving me to and from therapy. There were a few people who volunteered and we scheduled them for different days

One particular person was this tall, slender, 70 year old man. We wondered because of his age if he would be able to handle it, he had no idea what it took to get me in and out of the car.

His turn was to be on Tuesday and Thursday every week.

The first Tuesday he came, he drove up as close to my door as possible, got out and knocked. As I answered, I could see fear and doubt in his eyes, but determination was there also. Together we maneuvered me into the car and then his work began. I explained how to fold the wheelchair up so he could fit it into the trunk. Nodding his head, like he understood but not saying a word, he pushed the chair behind the car. Struggling for about 15 minutes, he finally got the chair stowed and himself behind the wheel. He drove in silence, while I jabbered away, giving directions by pointing with my fingers.

When we arrived at the rehab unit, he got out and struggled with the chair again. As we entered the building I told him how long therapy would take (two and a half hours), thinking he'd want to leave and come back later. To my amazement, each time I transitioned from one therapy session to another he was sitting patiently in the lobby. When everything was done he loaded me and the chair in the car with less struggles.

The next night at church he made a beeline straight to Glory and they had a very long talk. In my imagination I knew what was being said. 'He couldn't help anymore. I was too difficult of a chore.' After all people who don't deal with me one-on-one have expressed this exact sentiment, let alone the physical toll it would take on an elderly man.

Bracing myself for yet another upset, I asked Glory what that was all about? She relayed that he loved helping me and that he would like to do the job every day. He said he really couldn't understand my garbled speech, but I was so cheerful and full of joy it was contagious. He also said that I was a testimony of God's power and he wanted to be part of that. Glory agreed whole-heartedly and offered him gas money. He emphatically said,"No!"

I sat awestruck once again at God's power grinning from ear-to-ear.

The next day he showed up and struggled less while helping. Eventually he could understand my slurred speech and responded to me. We got to know each other more and enjoyed our time together. Our relationship grew to something akin to father/daughter. In fact people at rehab thought he was my dad.

That year he, his wife and son decided they were buying Christmas for my family. I was astonished again by this beautiful man and how he had gotten his family involved. Trying to repay some kindness, I invited them over for Christmas dinner. My children thrilled them with their excitement over the gifts. At that exact moment we were bonded for life. From then on we were family. Every Christmas after that, we got together, had dinner and exchanged gifts.

He drove me to therapy everyday for a year and a half, until the physical toll got to be too much for him. He and his wife have since gone to be with Jesus. Eldon Cozart was a truly terrific example of a 'Good Samaritan.' He made me feel like I was worth something. Thank you my friend! I love you so much and can't wait to see you again in heaven.

The Samaritan soothed his wounds and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins. Saying "Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this. I'll pay you next time I'm here."

Luke 10:34 & 35

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Family Time

I am extremely proud of my children and the way they handled the lose of their childhood.

There had to be a role reversal between me and them, in the fact that the household responsibilities were dropped, like a dead weight, in their hands. This was and still is very upsetting to me. I felt like a loser being taken care of by my children. I was also angry at God for my children's loss.

I felt like more of a supervisor than a mother. I know moms do supervise, but they also carry much of the responsibility of caring for there children, household chores, schedules and security.

I did the best I could possibly do, which was not much at all. Our house was pretty clean and organized mostly because my kids did what had to be done. I'm not saying they didn't complain, they're human.

I always tried to make games out of these things, hoping it didn't feel as much like cleaning;

• When the floor needed to be mopped, I'd get some towels, pour Pine-sol and water on the floor, throw the towels down, have the kids stand on them, turn music on and we'd do the twist to the music until the floor was cleaned from corner-to-corner.
• Doing the laundry, we'd count how many clothes of each color went in and came out. This was also educational
• Folding laundry, we'd do our own, but if you got someone else's, the rule was you could throw it at that person and see if you could hit them (I never hit anyone. I had no aim.) There was a special sock basket, so if we found one, we'd wad it up and try to make a basket (needless to say again, I never made a basket.)
• Cooking dinner-my kids would decide what they wanted from a list of things I'd name off. Then we'd gather ingredients for the meal. I let them read the instructions with my help and figure out measurements. The meals were not always fancy, but they were tasty.

During all of this we'd laugh and joke with each other. We didn't realize it then, but it was a awesome, special, family time! My children and I learned self-sufficiency and compassion from these lessons. Thank you Lord for my wonderfully fantastic children!

Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever.
John 8:35

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Honor Your Mother

Having Merrym and the kids live next door to me was a joy and work at the same time. It got to the point that the only place I went without them was to work. I didn't mind, but I definitely did not have a life of my own.

I would get home from work about 4:30 PM. I would park in the driveway between my house and walk directly to Merrym's house to make sure all was ok. I very seldom went to my own house until around 8:00 PM. Much of my time was spent teaching the kids what they needed to do or helping with homework.

We have told some stories about Asab and Courtney that show their behavior problems, but today is "pat them on the back day". As you know they were 6 and 7 when they came back from Seattle. They would come home from school and immediately have to start doing things to help their mom. Merrym could not load the washing machine or dryer. We taught the kids how to load the washer, how much soap to put in and how to turn it on. They also took care of putting it in the dryer. After it was dry, they would bring it in the living room and Merrym always tried to make a game out of the three of them folding the clothes and putting them away.

They also helped with the cooking, the dishes, the vacuuming, dusting etc. Even at this early age they could make an extremely nice meal that gained praise from any company that was invited to dinner. We tried to praise them for all they did, but I'm sure to them we were always nagging them to do something else. I would help do the deeper cleaning and help the children so they wouldn't feel like all they did was work. It was hard getting them to do their chores, but eventually it would get done.

Asab and Courtney never got to go anywhere without having to help me lift the wheelchair into the trunk and lift it out. They took turns pushing their mother in her chair. We would see other children running and jumping freely everywhere we went. Courtney and Asab always had the responsibility of making sure their mother got in and out of the car all right and then they had to stay very close to her in case she needed something. I really never heard them complain about any of this. In fact they would fight over who got to help with the chair.

Much of the responsibility of helping Merrym fell on Courtney, because she was a girl. She helped her mother in the bathroom. She would get up at night and help her mother to the bathroom. She helped her mother get dressed and all the female things. There were times when Asab had no choice but to help his mom, even in these situations. There could not be any such thing as embarrassment for Merrym or her kids. They just did what they had to do.

They have certainly been brats and you will hear more of that, but much of their childhood was taken away from them due to Merrym's illness, which makes a lot of sense. They were hurt, confused and angry. But there were also many times such as those addressed here, that these two wonderful children (gifts from God) had to be responsible, strong, helpful etc. beyond their years and I'm so proud of them for that!

And am sure Merrym is too!

Honor your Mother and Father, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long. Deut. 5:14

Love, Mother Hen Glory

The Gift

I feel the need to let you know the answer to the biggest question I have/had for God.

One day while doing my bible study I read,"For everyone who asks receives;" Matthew 7:8. I was mad I've asked God many times to heal me and it never happened. I couldn't understand why if the Bible is true (IT IS!) then why I wasn't receiving what I asked for. At that moment I made a mental note to ask my pastor, "What the heck?"

Suddenly, very audible and clear as a bell, I heard, "Merrym, I'm right here. Why don't you ask Me?"

Shocked at the fact that I had heard it so clearly, as if someone were in the room with me (Someone was, God!) also that it never crossed my mind to ask God why. Just then I stopped reading, was very still and quiet. I just thought, "I don't get it God. Why? Why? Why?!"

His answer, though a strange one caught me by surprise. He said, "Mer, (yes, even God calls that) this is a gift." "A gift? What an awful gift!" I commented. "Yes, a GIFT! To you it may look and feel pretty cruddy. BUT to me it's a big, beautiful, wonderful gift I've given you." "What?!" I questioned. God answered, "Yes, I said beautiful. I've allowed this to happen to you, because I know and trust that you'll use it for My glory. That's why it's beautiful. Extremely beautiful!" I sat stunned while tears ran down my face.

I still ask "Why?" often. The answer is always there and the same, causing me to pause and thank God for 'my gift.'

For everyone who asks receives;

Matthew 7:8

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

They're Physically Challenged, HELLO?!

Until you've spent time with someone who is physically challenged, you have no idea of the 'challenges' the world presents. I learned so much just in the first few months that Merrym was back in Utah. Here are few of my lessons.

Just because a bathroom says it is 'Handicap Accesible' that is not necessarily true. On one of our outings Merrym and I used the bathroom in a city building. It was great that the doorway was wide enough to get Merrym's wheelchair through, but the door was so heavy that I had a hard time pushing it open, much less Merrym, who was extremely weak. Then, they had a handicap stall with the bars, etc. but the stall was not large enough to get Merrym's wheelchair in and close the door. I had to stand there until she got on the toilet, then rolled her chair out of the stall and closed the door, so she could have some privacy. When she was done she hollered and I opened the door rolling the wheelchair in for her. Oh yes, I didn't mention that Merrym couldn't reach the lock from inside the stall, so I had to hold the door shut. WHAT WOULD SHE HAVE DONE IF SHE WERE BY HERSELF?! Next she had to wash her hands. I was excited to see the low sinks, until I realized the soap dispenser was so far away that she couldn't reach it from the sink. And of course the towel dispenser was above her head. IDEA! Let's get physically challenged people to design the bathrooms!

Most people smile at Merrym, but there was the time we went to the bread store. I was trying to get her in the door, which was very narrow, and there was a man wanting to come out. I had Merrym kind of wedged in the doorway, because I was trying to hold the door open and push her at the same time. I thought maybe this man would help me by pulling Merrym through the door, but NO, he literally stepped right over the top of Merrym, the wheelchair and went on his way. Of course there were a few swear words from him also. I was appalled and so was the store clerk.

Have you ever noticed all the handicap parking in front of stores? Well this is great, but where are the cart racks? Thirty to fifty feet away. Then, there are the handicap parking places along curbs. That's nice, but the place where you can roll a wheelchair up is sometimes a long ways away. So truthfully the handicapped person has to go twice as far.

Another question is; When was the last time you lifted a wheelchair? There all kinds and all sizes. Merrym has had all kinds. Someone needs to come up with a sturdy, strong chair, that is light weight and compact. After you have lifted and struggled with a wheelchair for many years, it takes its toll on your body, especially the back.

Another story is; the people in our church go out every Sunday to eat. One particular Sunday we had just ordered our food, when Merrym needed to go to the bathroom. I of course, helped her, but when we got to the bathroom hall, it was so narrow that I could hardly walk through myself, much less get a wheelchair through. Thus we couldn't even get to the bathroom. I was angry and Merrym was crying. I went and asked if there was another bathroom. They said "no". We left without even canceling our order. All our friends sat and looked sadly after us. I have never set foot in that restaurant since.

LIGHT BULB MOMENT! Let's get more physically challenged people on committees or in jobs to solve these problems or at the least people who care to confer with someone who is physically challenged.

But when you give a banquet invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind.

Luke 14:13

Love, Mother Hen Glory

The Man of the Family

Asab, Courtney and I depended on Glory a lot. For discipline, opinions and especially security.

The first time, after the move to Utah, that Glory went away for the weekend to visit her girls, she drove down the road, away from the house and Courtney could not contain her tears. She was distraught and felt uncertain that we would be alright without Aunt Glory. After all we had depended on her since the kid's return from Washington. I held her, stroking her hair and assuring her we'd be OK. But that fear and doubt crept into my mind also.

One day Ace and I were talking. He was being his usual, stinker-self. I tried to reason with him saying, "You know your the man of the family now. You need to be a good example for your little sister." I hoped giving him responsibility would improve his behavior. Without a thought and very seriously he said, "What about Aunt Glory? I thought she was the man of the family?" I was stunned and tickled at this proposition. I said, "Wow! I never thought of it that way." I then called Glory and let her know what Asab said. I told her that she was now 'The Man of the Family.' Very amused and laughing she said, "I'll accept that."

Glory has taught me many things, but I think teaching me how to parent was one of the most important. Topped only by living Christ-like.

By the way, then and subsequent years we bought her a fathers day present.

Be strong and show yourself a man.

1 Kings 2:2

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Super Glory to the Rescue!

It is true I was not a good disciplinarian. I even went to therapy and they asked me what goals I had. I swung my hand back-n-forth in front of me and said "I want to do this really hard and fast." The therapist asked "Why?" "So I can spank my kids," I said matter-of-fact. My therapist started laughing, but I was serious.

Glory stepped in to the disciplinarian position, very tentatively. Her 'talking-to's' were very serious and extremely dreaded by my children. So I used her as a threat when they wouldn't mind. I realize now that putting her in that position was unfair. Sorry Glory!

One time Asab was being a real stinker (I don't remember the particulars). I said,"Ace knock it off." He screamed back "My name is not Ace! It's Bart Simpson!" I said "Fine Bart knock your crap off or I'll call Aunt Glory!" A look of fear and shock took over his face, he whined, "No! Call the police! Call anybody but NOT Aunt Glory!" I burst into laughter and Asab straightened up, so I wouldn't call Super Glory.

Another time Asab had done something wrong, so I called Glory (which I did at least once a day in our younger years). She told me to send him the 30 feet to her house, so I did. About five minutes later he came running home upset, crying and inconsolable. My thought was maybe Glory lost it and gave him the whooping he needed. I asked him. "What happened?" Through crocodile tears he said, "Aunt Glory pointed at my chest and said, 'Damn it!'" As you can gather Super Glory does not swear. I got a good laugh that time also.

Know then in your heart that a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.

Deuteronomy 8:5

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

Glory's School of Hard Knocks

Being a teacher I expected my own children to be the best behaved students at school, and for the most part they were. But now I was dealing with a new situation, children who were not mine, and boy was it an eye-opener!

In the last blog I was explaining influences that caused the children's behavior problems to increase. Believe it or not the school was a major contributor. Teachers and staff felt so sorry for Merrym because of her illness and for what the kids had gone through. They tended not to discipline or to go lightly on the discipline. They knew Merrym had no way to get to the school, if the kids were having a problem and they knew I was teaching 15 miles away at another school. The staff overlooked things to the point that Asab and Courtney thought they could do whatever and get away with it, and they were pretty much right.

Courtney would steal pencils or something from other children or even hit them, then she would get down under the table or her desk and wouldn't come out. The teacher could beg, threaten, ignore her, but Courtney would just stay under the table. She was finally found to be ADHD. Courtney also had a speech problem that emphasized the "s" sound. It made her sound like she was hissing. Some kids teased her and she ended up hitting them, which caused another problem. After testing her, they found that she had a learning disiblity and resource class began.

Asab's teacher had a physically disabled wife, who was also in a wheelchair. He really empathized with Merrym. He was an extremely nice man, who was soft spoken. He tried to reason with Asab. Of course this didn't work. If Asab didn't end up in the principal's office every day, we knew he was sick.

The principal was also a soft spoken man, who tried to reason with Asab. It got so bad that Asab would not listen to the principal. When he wanted Asab to go somewhere, the principal would have to physically pick him up and carry him. This was to remove the distraction that Asab was causing from the classroom.

One day Asab told his mom he was sick. She let him stary home. About 11:00 he started acting up and smart-mouthing Merrym in front of the home-health-aide. Obviously he wasn't sick. Merrym called me at school crying. I said, "Don't tell Asab, but I will see you in a few minutes." I got some one to cover my class and drove the 15 miles. I walked in and of course Asab was shocked. I said, "Get your things, you are going to school!" He gathered his things, while trying to argue that he was sick. I got him to school, marched him into the principal's office, and had a talk with him and the principal together. I let the principal know that Asab had lied and had been home sluffing school. I told the principal he needed to be stricter with the kids and gave him my phone number, then said in front of Asab, "If you ever have another problem with Asab or Courtney. I want you to call me, even at work and I will take care of it." Needless to say things got better, but not perfect.

At one point I thought they got a little carried away with the discipline. Asab threw a worm in the girls bathroom, causing a big commotion. Merrym and I got phone calls to let us know what had happened and how they were dealing with the problem. Asab was to stay in from recess for a week and help clean the cafeteria after lunch. In my opinion that was a little overboard for a worm, when he got away with many other things that could have caused damage to other children, the building or himself. It was hard to find a happy medium when punishing Asab.

If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders of his town.

Deuteronomy 21:18 & 19

Love Mother Hen Glory

Glory In Charge (Who's Charles Anyway?)

When Asab got out of the hospital the counselors acted like all his/our problems were solved. I of course had concerns, but those concerns quickly became reality. There are some "problems", that facilities who deal with child behavior have. They have a lot of money to spend on reinforcements for good behavior. Children can earn things such as: bowling, movies, zoo, aquarium, treats, etc. No parent, especially ones on SSI, have money to compete with this! The child comes home from therapy expecting the same kind of rewards, and Asab was no exception.

This caused difficulties at home and at school. All can not be blamed on the facility, because Asab and Courtney had gone through a great trama, and the adaptations to this trama were never ending. The kids soon realized that Merrym did not have the skills to make them do the chores she gave them around the house. I became the main disciplinarian, not by choice, but out of necessity.

One of the most difficult things that happened was, Merrym had a hard time backing me up on any rules or disciplines. She was so lonely during the day, she treated the kids as though she was their friend and not their mother. Then, when she tried to be the mother, they didn't respect her.

When the children acted up or refused to comply, Merrym would call me and want me to take care of the situation. I would either have the kids come over to my house so I could talk to them or I would go over to Merrym's and do the same. Sometimes the result was timeouts, spankings, grounding, etc. Merrym would try to inforce whatever the said discipline was, but the kids would whine and cry until she would say, "Don't tell Aunt Glory and I won't make you do it." This made it much harder to get a grasp on the situation. It got so that the minute I was gone, they went right back to the way they were. When the kids knew mom was going to call Aunt Glory, they would unplug the phone or lay in the way of her wheelchair so she couldn't get to the phone and other things. Merrym and I had many talks about this problem and even sat the kids down with the both of us and told them that this would not happen again!

Then there was the 'dad situation'. He went against many of the rules we had set up for Asab and Courtney. For example: we didn't want the kids watching things on TV that might affect their behavior. When they visited him, he would allow them (at times, even encourage them) to watch things that he knew were on our 'no, no list' such as "The Simpsons", scary movies, etc.

Dad also treated Merrym as though she were one of the children. He told her that the children were to call him every day at a certain time. If something happened where they were not able to call, or heaven forbid, they forget, he would call and rail on Merrym until she was sobbing! There were even times the step-mom called and railed on her. Believe me I had talks with dad and step-mom several times. They seemed to think that they were superior to Merrym and they were better parents. If they were so great why weren't they the ones who were calling the kids (5 and 6 years old) and not expecting the children do the calling?



You might wonder why they didn't try to get custody of the kids. I have several theories:

• They didn't want the responsibility, but wanted the control.


• They didn't have the money to go to court and fight.


• We knew dad had a warrant for his arrest in Washington and his wife didn't know.


• He knew I would call the Washington police without thinking if he made a move to do anything.


• The bottom line is that for some reason he was afraid of me. He knew that I was a woman of action and I wouldn't hesitate to get an attorney, call the newspaper (media) or whatever it would take to keep the kids with Merrym.

He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own folly. Proverbs 5:23

Love, Mother Hen Glory

Onward Christian Soldier

Well time marched slowly on as our "new" family unit learned more, by tiny bit more about; our daily routine, how to deal with others dealing with us, and how the government worked or should I say "doesn't" work.

I had to get financial help to pay my bills. I had to get my Social Security transferred from Washington state to Utah. I needed to set up my therapies. But most of all I needed to find a doctor. But, we had to do all this on Glory's teaching schedule, which limited our time to get things done, down to about an hour a day (if Glory jumped in the car and raced home right as the bell rang). Like that could ever happen for any teacher! LOL

We got the AFDC (Aid For Dependent Children/welfare) set up, but it started in the middle of that first month.

My Social Security took three and a half months to transfer (they did send back payments for the time we had waited). So my kids and I lived off Glory until we received the money. Thank God that Glory had the means to do this! Thank you Glory for your generosity! What the heck would I have done otherwise?!

My therapies had to wait until I had my new medical card from welfare. Same with going to a doctor. What if I got an infection?! Were they really just going to let me rot?!

Finding a doctor was not to hard, because there was only one choice. The downtown clinic (as a welfare recipient you only got one choice). The problem was to get a doctor in that clinic, (let alone anywhere) not to come in the room, look at me, their jaw drop to the floor and without a word step right back out the door, grab all the other doctors, bring them in that tiny,"spacious" (LOL) room while pointing and staring at me dumbfounded. I felt like an exhibit at a science fair!

Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway.
Proverbs 8:33-35

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce

I NEVER CAN SAY GOODBYE NO! NO! NO!

So, I haven't gotten to say farewell to my fine feathered sister (she is very much a peacock in so many ways!) Our time together was so very bittersweet. I cherish some moments we had, and despise others! And those dreaded words "GOOD BYE", oh how could I let them seep from my tongue?!

I felt as if I was letting go of my birth child. Allowing her to wander out into that busy, unforgiving world, where most would ignore her, or treat her as if she were not human. I had full trust that "Mother Hen", would do an exceptional job caring for her. But since the system that's supposed to help and protect the poor and different-abled didn't work well here, then why would I, should I, trust that same system in Utah?

And God?! Well He's the one that allowed all of this to happen. What was He thinking?!

Trust at the stage of the game was hard to come by. But then, I had to realize, Mer is a survivor and God had brought her through the deep Red Sea. "Why Peggy?!" he asked, and then answered in not so many words. He said, "I love Merrym and I trust her SO MUCH that I have CHOSEN Mer to be an extreme example to those who come in contact with her." Wow! That's some trust He has in Mer!

So now was my time to "LET GO AND LET GOD!"

Saying goodbye brought tears of joy to all of us.
Keeping in touch would be slightly difficult, remember, no cell phones, no FB, no E-mail, no faxes. Long distant phone plans didn't really exist and there was little money for traveling on both ends.

I did know though, that God was good! He healed my sister! He healed my son! And He does answer prayer!

What he trusts in is fragile; what he relies on is a spider's web.
Job 8:14

Love you Mer

Monday Cometh

It was the weekend when I arrived, so we had two full days of blissful family time. We were getting used to being alone and dealing with "our" disability, as good as we could in that short amount of time.

Monday came like an 80 mile an hour wind, way too rapidly. I had to get up and get the kids ready for school. Being unsure of what would happen to me while they were gone, they didn't want to leave me. I assured them I'd be fine (doubting all the while whether I'd be OK myself) and I'd be waiting for them at the front door when they got home. Reluctantly they shuffled on to the bus and watched me disappear through the window, with sad puppy dog eyes, until I faded from sight.

My stamina was very low back then, so after they left I laid down on the coach wondering if I could make it through the day without any help. I was so tired I fell asleep again, deciding that worry could wait until I woke.

When I did wake up I was extremely anxious. I made sure I had the cordless phone with me where ever I went in case an of emergency. Most of that first day alone was spent on my couch praying for God to watch over me and my kids, watching TV, and snoozing with one eye on the clock. I wanted to welcome my children home with a smile so big that they could see it from the bus.

Jumping off the bus I saw in their beautiful eyes relief when they realized I was OK. They ran to me and gave me their usual exuberant hug, almost knocking me over. We exchanged stories of our day and excitedly went to work on their homework. We made dinner for four (Asab, Courtney, myself and Aunt Glory) without even considering if she wanted to eat at our house. She was part of our immediate family NOW. Thank you God for my wonderful sister Glory! Thank you for being with me back then and now!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

I am blessed

Merrym Dawn Mathis Bruce