It was time to head out. Robert, Angelia and I packed it up and hit the asphalt. Ann had her own vehicle and decided she could stay on and support the Utah crew. My niece was also getting married at the end of the upcoming week, so Ann represented the Washington crew at that celebration. Which was over shadowed by our families grief.
While on the road home the three of us tried hard to put the thoughts and visions of Mer out of our minds. We told jokes, sang with the radio, made goofy signs to wave at other motorists. But it didn't work, nor should it have. There riding right along in the rumble seat, sat Mer, at least our visions of her.
The next few weeks were overwhelming for me. My son's IV meds had been changed up, but he ended up back at the hospital with an infection at the IV site. Two year olds and sterile don't go together, duh?
Then, I get a call from my foster mother letting me know that my foster sister's baby had died from SIDS. Stupid phone! All it did was bring bad news into our safe haven."Jesus, what is it your trying to tell us?" I thought.
After that I dreaded the brrrring! brrrring! of the phone. I'd jump out of my skin and get a knot in my stomach every time. I just knew the voice on the other end would whisper in my ear, "It's over, she's gone!"
I'd lay on the couch and sob, inconsolable, thinking "Why Mer God, why not me? She's just 25, a poor single mom, why not me?" My husband and children would stand by me. We could handle this so much better.
I needed to get back there. I just knew I had to get back there, but life happens.
The troubles of the heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish.
Psalm 25:17
Love you Mer
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