Selfishness vs Love

I don't know if it's just me or other people are affected the same way. Being the oldest seems to come with certain responsibilities. I have always felt responsible for all my brothers and sisters since I was very young. Since Merrym is the youngest of seven children and I'm the oldest (almost 18 years difference in age), I really felt responsible for her. She came to live with me to finish high school and to attend college. Since Merrym is closer in age to my daughters than me, she was automatically closer to them socially. While she lived with me, I treated her just like one of my daughters.

When Merrym became ill, it just seemed natural to take over and be in charge of her care. The only ones who could sign for Merrym's surgeries were Mom or I. Since Mom lived in another state, it fell on me most of the time. If there were decisions to make about Merrym, I had to make them, many times quickly and with no time to talk to other family members.

I visited Merrym as much as I could while she was in the hospital. I even checked her out on Sundays to go to church. Always at the top of my worry list was, "what is going to happen to Merrym when she is able to leave the hospital?" I only had my job for 7 years and it was my sole income. I knew I couldn't have her come and live with me. The thought of a nursing home passed through my thoughts many times, but I really didn't know what to do. I just felt like whatever happened, I needed to take care of it.

But as always, God had a plan and His plan was Peggy. She wasn't working outside the home at the time and she volunteered to have Merrym come and live with her. In all my selfishness, I was relieved. Of course I would make sure her children got there, of course I would get them to the airport, in fact I would have done any thing to know Merrym was going to be taken care of and that my life could go on as it was. As I think back I realize how selfish all these feelings were and have had to ask God's forgiveness.

I praise God that Peggy took Merrym and her children to live with her family. I praise God that Peggy had the time, the love and the willingness to do what she did. I also praise God for her husband, Jim, and her children because they all sacrificed to have Merrym live with them.

And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.

I Samuel 18:3

Love, Mother Hen (Glory)